Yes...it does makes a world of difference

There are so many worlds...

Victors world is full of fun, he made a lot of money, he loves his wife, he parties..he travels. He has seen ups and downs and has learnt how to handle them. He enjoys every day that comes. Yes there are boring days..but thats alright...he has his eye on how to have fun.

Kens world is perfect, so it appears..he has lovely kids, a great job, a beautiful wife..yet somewhere he wonders if he has forgotten himself...why this feeling of emptiness? He did exactly what his world said he must do..then why is he feeling that his life has no meaning now? Maybe somewhere he didnt question his world...maybe he lived in his dad's world and forgot to make a world of his own.

Sarah, bought up by very orthodox and simple parents turned out to be a beautiful modern day woman whose job is to shape the minds of the future of her country. She too questioned the values she was bought up with and came up with her own. She is certainly happy. There were times she almost gave up when she hit rock bottom..not an easy path questioning, experimenting...yet she is soaring high now.

There are maybe a billion worlds in this planet....but thats not what this post is about.

Its been a lovely journey...and its going to take a turn. A search of what seemed like a lifetime has ended. A different search needs to begin...maybe a more difficult search of the self....I think it just got easier to look within.....the yearning and excitement is difficult to contain as i wont be alone. Never one to enjoy working alone...I certainly did a good job of living alone.

I am waiting to rediscover my world and it will be with some help...and yes it does make a world of difference.

Mumbai meri jaan

Well its been a month!!! since I have written and I chose a topic which in some rights is mundane...according to my boss is irrelevant, but will make a huge difference to my life in the coming years.

Mumbai or Delhi...

Well...I still maintain that I do not belong to any one city, but have lived in Mumbai for 15 years and in Delhi for 3.5
Well the years is not as skewed as it appears as the first 10 years in Mumbai were school and just 5 were grown up working years.

Let me compare it as I see it.

1a) I love the sea, I love bhel puri and I absolutely love vada pav. I love bandra causeway and worli sea face.
1b) I have no love for GK or southex or chandani chowk. Chola batura is too fattening for my taste and parathas are approx 500 cals per paratha if you have them with butter, without which its not necessary to eat a paratha.

2a) I love driving to pune where close cousins reside..as well as there is thousand oaks and some great restaurants I visit.
2b) Rishikesh is too far to drive, Jaipur is a 6 hr drive...and doesnt make sense for shopping.

3a) I love walking on bandstand and the music played in Hawain shack and lately Hardrock which opened after i left. Numerous options in Mumbai
3b) If you walk, you might get molly coddled, so you got to stick to your sector's man made park. the only place I can bear is TC

4a) I hated driving 3.5 hrs a day and having no life other than work
4b) I love driving 10 minutes a day and reaching home at 7.00pm and waking up at 8.00am.

5a) In 5 yrs I made 6 very close friends based on a personality match
5b) In 3.5 yrs I made 2

6a) A ticket to Goa now costs Rs 4000
6b) A ticket to Goa costs Rs 8000 if lucky

7a) Will pay Rs 20000 and live in a 800 sqft 2BHK may be with the works mentioned below..maybe not
7b) Will pay Rs 20000 and live in a 1500 sq ft 3BHK in a super society which has pools, squash courts, a gym, tennis courts and a great running park. (my my - however money has never been a consideration in my life)

8a) Love the weather 4 months in a year only, but the rains beat down upon you while the roads and traffic is always a mess
8b) Love the weather for maybe 8 months leaving the 2 months when its too hot or too cold, awesome roads, traffic is horrible not because its as much as mumbai but because the people are just too indecent.

9a) Never feel insecure while driving alone in the night
9b) Never drive in the night..the few times I have...god had to work hard to save me, literally.

10a) The vibrancy and feel of independence is intoxicating
10b) Have to struggle to maintain the feeling totally

Well...for lack of time will end it here..I miss so many things about mumbai and will not miss anything about delhi except traveling 10 minutes a day to work.

Finally delhi's been good for me however its not me the way mumbai was.

Powerful or powerless?

A phone call from a friend in one of the leading intellectual institutions in India just confirmed it The similarity of experiences is uncanny. Its been a while since I have been thinking about human behavior in a work place. The only advice I can give myself is baby handle it or bail out.

Not one to quit, however the scales seems to tip towards the whole effort being senseless.

Lately in a training program, the trainer seemed to repeatedly mention me trying to behave like a kid and not showing the world the true woman that I am. It could be a defense mechanism to retain innocence and not change despite blatant events which push you to realizing that being hardened by reality is necessary.

Insecurity and in decisiveness masked by power and abrasive confidence seems to be present in all organizations irrespective of the nature of work. In an academic institution it is about Intellectual property, in a company it is about business orientation. I have a sneaky feeling that its not about leadership at all now. In India where human resource is scarce in any industry, there are bound to be people who are not skilled at what they are supposed to do at any level. This is perfectly alright as I truly believe, sales is not about the product. In sales you gotta learn the technique and not just the product. Product knowledge happens along the way, the skill set is in understanding client requirement and building trust.

Similarly if one is not skilled and has reached senior management soon, the attitude of learning and not masking it is important. Do you have the guts to say, I have no idea, but I shall be the best at it soon? Or can you agree to the fact that you are so confused as you have no clue of what to do in some tasks, yet you will follow your gut and if you don't have that too, you will let your team who does, do it without interrupting or creating hurdles for them?

Sorry folks, this does not happen in real life. Human tendency is to masquerade insecurity. It is a defense mechanism which one may not even realize. Though I must mention that I am not a great believer of this and still would like to maintain that every individual in the end knows the intent behind their actions. The sad part is when these people are in positions of power which is oft the case.

The learning - you have to handle it. Yes you may argue that the joy of working vanishes. Well folks you better find work that gives you joy. The high could be in research, teaching, technology, mentoring, achieving targets, building great products or companies...whatever...but if you have not found what makes you tick, you are bound to not find the whole experience worth it in the end. Maybe the powerful people have no power over you if you actually enjoying what you do.

an analogy

pic credit - Iyadarus, flickr.com














a distant destination
a long long flight
she joined many flocks
and left them behind

a miraculous pillar
she was so tired
solitude and rest
her soul desired

the sight is limited
the wings are rested
a solitary bird
where should she fly?

stranger in a strange land

Pam realized she had been too pushy...she might have asked for it..she grieved at her fate now. Bill had become cold..and very distant...she suspected he had another woman. The beautiful house and all the money and cars she owned didn't seem enough any more. Her ego could not take Bill's interest in another woman. How did Bill..the fat cowardly man that he was think of having having an affair?

Not that she cared for Bill at all, but it had been a great 14-15 years of having so much of everything. Little did she realize that all expensive clothes, gadgets, jewelery that meant everything to her, gave her little pleasure now. She became violent and slapped Bill in front of her teen aged daughter over nothing. She planned of catching Bill red handed and demanding more than he could give in alimony.

Bill woke up, a happy man. He had lived a cowardly life, working like a dog and hearing abuses from his beautiful society wife. Now he felt free. He had secretly married a woman who loved him. His wife had no clue and he felt love after years and years of being alone, desperately alone. He was scared..a man doesn't get courage from hiding and pretending. He had to tell his secret to someone. His dad, would be hopping mad and might remove him from the family business. He pledged to never tell his dad till he died.

He decided no harm in leading two separate lives.

A foolish man Bill, his absence on weekends and frequent trips did not go unnoticed by anyone in his family. They just didn't think Bill had the guts to do anything..so let it be.

Till one day his brother David found out. David and Kate had been a loving couple and led simple lives amidst all the glamor surrounding them. They had beautiful kids and were in shock..David was supposed to go to a far away land for a year and Kate had no clue what would she do when all hell breaks loose at home. She feared for the health of David's father. Pam's phone calls had become more frequent. She could not bare Pam's harsh words and realized her desperate sorrow. She could not tell Pam what she knew, Pam was capable of murdering all in the family..she had a history of being an abusive woman.

Yet Kate felt guilty. She could not bear the thought of such blatant stupidity and cowardice on Bill's part. She made David talk to Bill to come clean. If it meant divorce...so be it..but leading a life with two wives seemed unthinkable of to her.

What must Kate do...close her eyes and mind her own business like what everyone does? She knows she has always stood up for what she felt right. However neither Pam, nor Bill were close to anyone she would want to stand up for. She only feared for the health of David's father and Pam's kids. David must go away for a year. There is no way he could stay back. Gods timing had been funny.

So readers what would you do if you were a stranger in Kate's strange world?

eureka

'Simplicity of character is the natural result of profound thought'

of all the places i got this as my fortune on orkut today. Well am not gonna talk about the product issue of how is this isn't a fortune for now or lets just say i might just not talk at all as it's pretty much like a eureka moment for me.

Me thinks i got some answers with this quote. For all the complicated characters I have met and had mostly meaningless yet passionate discussions with..finally i get some perspective.

And cheers to the concealed intelligence of those so very simple individuals i have met and had the pleasure to interact with.

Making it work...

The search and the desire to be understood....to be loved for what you are I think is highly misleading.

The question we need to ask ourselves is can we love and can we understand others. There is no wish you have which does not get fulfilled...you might have to work for it...and you might not want it when you get it. But the key is in how you get it...once you reach the destination it becomes irrelevant. How beautiful was the journey determines what you are made of.

Relationships never come readymade. You may love a person, but the relationship need not work out. I did promise to write about this earlier..and here is what I feel.

A parents love...no folks its not that unselfish...a parent gets tremendous joy from their kids when young...they get pride when they grow up and if somewhere the kids go wrong according to what they think is wrong...thats when you see parents still by their kids side which completely touches me. Thats unconditional...

Lovers...now you may love someone..but it need not mean that the relationship will work out. It takes a huge amount of mind and not just heart to make it work. The heart knows it all but does not work for you always. The mind which recognizes why a person is reacting the way he or she is and then the heart is guided to perform the necessary actions with utmost sensitivity.

One of the most satisfying forms of love is what a man and a woman share. why? Well for one there are no obligations to love, there can be none. What could be more fulfilling then knowing that love exists despite of no obligations. Not easy this...at times you may just want to give it up and go the way everyone else does, which is the easy thing to do. You will get happiness...but not the kind of happiness you are capable of.

We have created a fast paced world of ambitions, desires, rules and society. We live in it. We experience it in various forms and at times we are scathed and we retreat. We fear...and then when you suddenly don't feel fear when someone comes along...maybe thats when love starts. You get temporary fulfillment...and this is where the work starts..as the fears come back both ways. Maybe the solution is that you need to recognize the other and understand...the want of being understood needs to take a backseat as I think it happens automatically and here is where we go wrong.

Very recently a girl friend mentioned that she just doesn't understand her guy...he just doesn't listen to her. Well to understand a person don't you need to listen to him? An intelligent man..stephen covey, who introduced me to listening. I did practice the art of listening...yet somewhere I think the need to be understood took precedence. But if I look back in my life...people who I have understood and taken the pains to understand...have understood me back 100%. Very satisfying this...

When a person speaks...he or she speaks with some caution and when you understand...the caution goes out of the window. This is when the relationship is made for life. Once the energies around two people are so tuned in..as trust has played its role...the misunderstanding I have observed just doesn't happen. This does take time and some effort. So the focus needs to shift to understand from being understood.

The most intrinsic desire of every woman is to fall madly in love forever....be romanced....and be swept off her feet completely by her knight in a shining armor...you also pretend to be lost and be protected...its instinctive I guess...and then you get it but temporary fulfillment..not hard to get...logically all you need to do is switch guys every 2 years...but do you then ever reach the next level? Relationships are like the ocean...the serene vast expanse...takes in all the storms...is beautiful at times...rough at times....passionate at times...but mostly silent...vast and so very serene. They introduce you to yourself..sometimes you do not like what you see...but they also trigger you to be the best you can...and thats what gives you the fulfillment...

Caution:
Humans are at different levels of understanding...there are people who despite any love or understanding you show will only want more...well leave in this case...as the more a person gives the more he or she will love you...if you are constantly the giver...well a sure shot disaster.

There are also individuals who clam up and refuse to move out and take the chance...they may have be with you for years...again leave...fulfillment and real love is waiting around the corner....its for you to see it.

i think i cracked it (part II)

well ladies this ones for us again....a sequel to part I

well its all about taking it to the next level constantly...personally isnt that what life is all about anyways...but keeping it strictly to the topic under consideration.

If you ask me, am perfectly happy with the way I feel...however nothing wrong about aspiring to take to the next level.

The aim: 3 kilos in 31days with 7 inches off. (being specific about targets is whats makes one achieve it)
The blocks: Well past weeks been bad...a training program with loads of food and wine which I indulged in heartily..so will take time to get the body back in action. to top that works very hectic.
The motivator: a vacation in Bali..no harm in looking great right?

Now how is that going to happen - aah...tricky one

well just to remind myself of how to do it -
1) Eat right - chuck all the fats out...and i mean all - no diet mayo or amul lite..no carbs at night...lots veggies and soups...franks are ok...no protiens at night...no veg patties and paneer sandwiches from foodie at office
2) Yoga - i hope i remember - yeah nothing like it to pull your tummy in
3) Stretch exercises - thrice a weeks enough
4) Walking on weekends - now where in delhi will I do this? lets see..
5) Drink- maybe once in the next 31 days
6) Dance - lets see where can I accommodate it.
7) The spa - well this ones easy and lovely
8) discipline - well haven't cracked this one till date...but I guess sleep early so that I can get up early...and exercise and cook....so no blogging so late...will leave laptop at office...

I guess its also about the right balance of the mind and body...so maybe a bit of meditation. To add to this....the training program completely shook me....made me realise some behavioral patterns I wasn't aware about. A woman ( am chucking the girl terminology out of the window) whose motivator was always people..and being a catalyst to their lives...i learned has become a recluse in a shell. Now now all that needs to change. Thats the power of knowing...once you identify the problem, you know how to solve it.

Its crazy how incidents of the past have affected our unconscious minds and we do not realize the change. I also hear that if you behave in a certain way...your beliefs change. For example if you portray aggression for a long time...even if thats not your personal nature...your belief that aggression is the way to make things happen strengthens and you do it unconsciously...and you do become aggressive...and vice versa. The trick is to be aware of your behavior.

Now I am sounding like an obsessed maniac...but thats the way you need to be to achieve i think...cheers to love and life! Will keep you posted on the progress.

aargh...

Warning: Skip this post. DON’T READ to maintain your sanity or if you still wanna be friends with me

I remember the term when you laugh the world laughs with you…and when you cry you cry alone. Well its true folks so better accept it sooner than later.

My take on this is basically when you cry you may not really want anyone to see the vulnerable side, so you put on a demeanor which pushes people away. You can choose your emotion – lousy irritable behavior, anger, sulking, whining anything similar…everything which is a sure shot remedy to drive people away – well if the reason behind the behavior is to attract attention, well it’s just the opposite which happens so you might want to change the approach.

This is a bug on blogger and we are trying to fix it as soon as we can. Our team is working on it 24x7 and you know its fixed when you are able to read the post.

The next time we come across someone on the street or anywhere whose ways are just driving you insane – stop and think about your off days – maybe the poor souls just going through some real bad time in life. So breathe deep and let it go…don’t react.

I have also observed that when you are in a lousy state of mind..all you need at times is to cry your heart out in your moms lap or a kind word or hug from a friend or an acknowledgment like I love you baby in spite of your ridiculous behavior by your lover.

In the absence of all of the above I suggest you keep moaning…it anyways will not last. But be careful people are usually not so accommodating…so my way is basically go to the mattresses. You might still have your family, friends and lovers around you if you do.

Now that I have basically hit rock bottom and pissed off all whom i know, I think its time to go to the mattresses completely. Good night and if we meet tomorrow…good morning …good afternoon and good evening (yuk…the sense of humor also stinks right now!!!)

Of conditioning and being a woman - 1

A topic close to my heart. Being one who usually does not believe too much in divisions of society and to some extent rules created by mankind, I do acknowledge the presence of different value and belief systems and am usually willing to live and let live peacefully. However a news item triggered me to write on a topic I usually do not pick up because I think I may be a part of a minuscule minority who believe in it.

Lets face it..we are born with a clean slate...but we have all lived amidst society and have unconsciously picked up various conditionings which we do not even realize we have.

Though the trigger could be delhi govt's desire to ban women from choosing exciting careers like bartending...which I think is as non progressive in thought as a govt can get, but I have experienced more hard hitting or may be heart rendering examples of this in men and women we meet every day.

It could be an Business Head who casually says" Women are not as serious as men, is what I have observed in the team as men tend to stay back late at work" or an HR Head saying " Lets not hire this person, we should look at people who are married and settled with kids in life - they are usually more stable" It could also be a career woman saying - " what has this person done with her life? she is miserable taking care of kids at home and thats her entire life"

There are zillions of similar examples which lead me to believe that the freedom of choice and freedom to make decisions is often not taken by individuals and also not respected by people at large.

It is no wonder that given the conditioning carried by most and more prevalent and dangerous when carried by people in powerful positions which could even be a boss or a parent, lead people to often concede and make short cuts in life. When the fact is that the real growing up of an individual happens when faced with either failures or situations of pain.

I have often observed my own reaction to situations and have been amazed how my emotions or my actions have been governed by conditioning - eg - I usually say - "My spatial orientation is all wonky so driving may be a problem" when the truth is I remember when I bought my car and used to dream to learn how to drive it...i remember my vivid imagination of thinking that the car was just and extension of me and the way to maneuver it was dependent on the thought in my mind. I used to imagine being one with the car...which is what happened once i got used to driving...The fact is that for that last 3 years I have been driving 10 minutes a day on an average so as a result of such less practice, may not be as good at it as if I had stayed back in Mumbai and driven 3 hrs a day...but atleast 5 men and me including 3-4 women have concluded in various conversations that a woman can never drive as well as a man. Ridiculous if you ask me now.

I wonder how many more such conditionings' reside within me...The car one is mostly harmless...but others could be dangerous. I hope to take each one of them evaluate it and then dump it in the garbage can where it belongs if found half - baked.

there is light in the end

Its been a while I had almost forgotten
We live in this world in isolation
The heart is heavy..why i dont know
the head will be high, events come and go

Of my closest people and of me
I need to beware
Have oft found myself alone
when i most needed them there

Its not me to lament, so I smile it away
I look in the mirror and see the person there
A moment of true happiness as I look into my soul
the head will be high, events come and go

with a tear and a smile I bid you goodnight
a hope that tomorrow my heart will be light

different sides

A human body is so complex and yet so precisely created that it only leaves me in wonder. If i look at the human mind which governs our behavior, the explanation to all variables that affect it is just unimaginable. Its obviously our intelligence and emotions coupled with external influences which lead us to behave in a certain way at that moment.

I have observed the most intelligent person behave completely irrationally in a state of frenzy or for a better word when emotionally charged. I have also seen the fairest of human beings acting in the most disdainful and corrupt manner when helpless because of maybe inability to act or insecurity or just maybe to please society. I have also believed in the phrase that its in times of trouble when you really see where your soul has been feeding. I am not so sure about that now.

Is it possible to be fair always? Is it possible to be rational always? Is it possible to be understanding always? If you do i think one just pushes negative emotions under the carpet which are bound to explode at some time.

Its true that when you have an overdose of wisdom or good, you just become allergic to it. An example could be the art of living mails I receive about wisdom. I am just not able to read them now-a-days when at some point they gave me a lot of things to think about. I have seen myself being perceived an angel by one friend but being perceived as a devil by another because of maybe action or inaction. Some I take for granted, some I never do even after years of knowing them. For some I am around whenever and for some I may not be there even when needed. Some I am at ease talking about my most intricate secrets with and some will not know me even after years.

I am left baffled by the various shades of an individual. I increasingly believe now that one must look at themselves in total isolation without letting any external factor affect what they think about themselves. Mind it, this is not an easy task. Today at work I saw myself agreeing with two completely opposite views on an incident within an hour. Am I just being diplomatic or am I finally letting go of some beliefs which I may be holding onto stubbornly.

If I look at the people I have known for the longest in my life, its my parents and siblings. I have seen myself being the best daughter as well as being a prodigal one. To be true its never my intention to hurt. I have seen myself behave very sensitively to one sibling and very indifferent to another. Am baffled at myself many a times.

If I see a pattern underlying my behavior, I think its the love coupled with admiration or respect for ones intelligence or the bravery in actions which segregates one from the other. Love without respect or admiration which needs to be fed is hollow and will die soon i feel. There are friends who I am initially very fond of but later discover that I have no feelings for and mind you this is not done consciously. It just falls out. There are some friends who even after years i never tire or am totally charged up for.

I think the difference is in being honest. Its easy to fake but its not sustainable in the long run...who you thought as the perfect friend or daughter may not be so all the time, and thats being honest. I would any day prefer a friend who says what they mean even if they are being completely foolish then one who smiles and agrees with you all the time faking it or probably not realizing they are faking it.

Lately someone who is a good friend has been behaving completely irrationally and stubbornly. Its surprising how I still feel good about having the person as a friend for the honesty in behavior. I aspire to be a person who is completely honest as well to people I love and respect :) Amen

P.S. - Its necessary to fake it with people who you dont!!! Now I think this is completely opposite to the belief I always held onto about being honest always...does not work and may not be needed...esp in the corporate world. The transition from being in a small company to a big one is difficult but necessary.

Of scrabble and life

I recount some things which I loved and lost touch with. From sports practice to carom to scrabble to old english war movies.

The thing with not living in one place for too long is that many a times you find that you don't have friends around for long. Yes you tend to make new ones easily, but there goes the baddy you used to play every evening for hours or the 2 hr morning walks on holidays or the parties on weekends you got used to or the heated philosophical discussions between all of us who thought we are all new age guru's. Its a whole new adaptation to a different set of folks, people and friends.

A classic debate goes on in my mind...what is better? One hometown for long or lots of towns for a couple of years. Every place has a distinctive characteristic to it which influences your individuality. Often inadvertently.

Bhatinda cantt was all of riverdale, not more and definitely not less. It was about family and libraries, friends, grammys and oscars, summer camps, baddy, swimming and afternoon movie sessions.

Indore was about poha and banjo's and college for the first time and all that goes with it. Choral and I think this was when I was introduced to kishore and RD burman. I do think if I would not have met the set of friends i did in Indore, all the old Hindi music would have been been alien to me still.

Every new city has a different flavor. Pune then was quaint and family like. The bakeries of Koregoan were to die for, the burgers at Jaws were the best I have tasted, the parties, the cutting thela chai, the lovely weather...

Mumbai happened in two parts. One was about living as a kid and the other just work. The feel of independence and survival of the city was addictive. The vada pavs, the smell of the sea, bandstand, the ancient buildings in town, yokos, the US club view, navy nagar and the olympic size pool, the short weekend trips to nearby places, plays at prithvi. But Mumbai was about making a career, the clients and the BD calls, the team and the success was great.

Delhi..the roads and the greenery bang in the heart of the city, lodhi road and all the roads around India gate, its about parathas and biryanis I guess.

Its en richening to stay in many places for the exposure, yet you need to have a brave heart to do so I realize or be a foolish dreamer in your own dreamworld. Fiction at times is more real than real life and to survive on your own fiction seems to be mandatory. You often feel like a stranger in a strange land. You often do not have anything to do yet you dream of traveling near and far. It just gets harder finding people like yourself to do all the fun stuff with. You treasure it when you do.

Life seems to ask me questions now...and I seem nervously to give it answers. I cross my fingers till either of us decide to take a full circle again.

Hand through troubled waters

Troubled need not necessarily mean something going wrong...now that I can manage..but when nothing is going wrong and you still feel troubled...makes me wonder about the tricks our mind plays on us.

Well I can attribute this to having worked for 9 days straight without a break and still need to go on for 3 more days.(well if coming to office can be counted as work..for me it certainly does).

I wonder how people who do this survive...maybe their inspiration is elsewhere. For me all work and no play is a strict no no way of living. Play need not mean partying...but just sacking out is enough.

Last night I woke up in cold sweat at around 2.00am. I was sure there was a presence somewhere, normally a deep sleeper how could I have woken up otherwise? Maybe the events of the previous day were playing on my mind or maybe I was dreaming. The noise could have been the wind or it could have been a mouse or a monkey. I snuggled in my blanket and tried to sleep...which I did only to be woken up again. I gathered courage and switched on the lights. Once my mind was in control again...I realized there was nothing...Still a little shaken I went back to sleep.

I wonder now which was my woken state...the one in which I felt the presence or the one in which I realized there was none. The presence (if at all) need not have been unfriendly...just unknown. Which makes me think how comfortable I got when I switched on the lights, the fear of the unknown had vanished.

I miss the hand that had me reflecting and has left me. Was that mine?

The crazy cops

Well after reading a hilarious blog on Sony vs the blackberry curve, reality finally struck..I had lost my phone the Imate K-Jam a couple o days back.

No folks... my first reaction was of joy. Wow can i switch back to my regular no nonsense Nokia or Sony Erickson with no periphery mails where I can finally hear the how my friends sound again on the phone. For a few months now the only sentences they would've heard from me is - sorry...what was that...I cant hear you....click..My gosh these PDAs are a terror and have put its customers through such torture!

Well my happiness was shortlived as the realization dawned that the phone was actually my office's property so I had to lodge an FIR at the Noida police station at sector 20. Well if it was mine, I would have surely not done any thing about it especially in this part of the country which is known for the notorious cops. But nevertheless accompanied by a stud Admin guy I went to the Police Station to get an FIR lodged.

Scene 1: I enter with our stud man and the broken down house converted to a police station had 30 police men all who exuded tremendous arrogance. I went straight into some room and kept standing...you see the ambiance suggests don't speak unless spoken to. Our stud man was speaking loudly on the phone. A police chappie rudely ticks him off and asks him to leave the room. Kya samajhta hain apne ko, police chowki main phone..(basically how can anyone make them feel less imporatant) Me being a lady..the cop couldn't talk to me directly so asked another lady there - 'in memsahab ko kya chahiye?' Well I replied to him that someone snatched my phone and ran and that I need an FIR for the insurance claim. Well the bloke told me to write something about it being lost in a plain paper and give it to him.

Scene 2: Well folks if you've forgotten to write English with a pen and paper, try writing Hindi!!!! After an hour of trying hard to lodge an FIR, I retired on a chair where as the stud finally started doing what he was supposed to. I saw him with some cop who looked like a Hindi movie cop all ready to kill anyone outta arrogance. Huh...so I looked elsewhere..some guys were filming a vegetable vendor who was lying in torn clothes, crying loud as he was beaten up by cops as he failed to give them his daily hafta of Rs 500. Poor man..the sarcastic remarks of the cops and the local press didn't seem to sink in and he kept telling his story loud to anyone who would hear.

Scene 3: I walked out of the smelly dilapidated station and sat in my car where I heard this lady in blue telling a story about how her son was picked up by the police for hooliganism and locked up. 2 years earlier the police had locked up another son for murder and now she had no one to go to. The sons she says are badly beaten up in the lockup. These stories will not make it to any breaking news I am sure. I wonder why I only saw citizens there who were trying to register cases against cops!!!!

The sight here seeing the population of India that lives on daily wages and the police walas who thought they were the SVPs of the district..got me back to another reality..aah babes this is also India...ahem..

Finally the stud comes out looking extremely drained of all energy. The poor man dealing with these cops can stress anyone even a super hero I think...Well the final analysis:

1) You cannot lodge an FIR in Noida, no matter how big the crime reported is. Eg in the Nithari case where the police refused to lodge an FIR for missing children or a friend who recently lost a debit card and someone had purchased 2 ipods with it.
2) You can lodge an FIR if you have lost your slipper in the river if you are willing to shell out some money.

A ghastly story

Today while running in the gym, I saw on a news channel that a little baby girl a couple of hours old was thrown in a dustbin. She was rescued by a milkman who heard her cry three days later and was taken to the hospital...where doctors are trying their best to save her life. The baby had 26 wounds on her little body and her head had severe wounds from glass pieces.

Its anger as well as a deep sadness I feel that a human mind is capable of such behavior. The inferences being broadcast in the media that the child could be illegitimate or being a girl child must have led her own blood to act in this inhuman way, also leave me saddened. They also say seeing the wounds, that the parents could've tried to kill her before dumping her in a dustbin.

How has the world turned so hard? A small baby, a couple of hours old treated in such a harsh manner is something which I just cannot comprehend. Even if it wasn't the parents and if someone tried to kill her for revenge, such atrocity on a tiny angel leads me to think about how is such behavior explainable. It has to be the doing of a demented mind. I hope to hear the true events behind this which led to such an inhuman act.

If it is social pressures that led to such behavior, I do not think society is worth it. Can we all not just look into our hearts and get what is the right thing to do and again look into our souls and get the strength to do it. Is this so difficult? I think not. Before we talk about another life, we must really stop and think. We never know what pressure we as the society cause another human being to go through...the pinball effect of what we feel is harmless..could be as catastrophic as what happened to this new born child.

I also applaud the milkman who took her to the hospital and the doctors who are trying hard to save her.

I do not know the answer, but in our own ways if we just do small good deeds, not form judgments on value systems, not indulge in mindless gossip and try and adapt and spread progressive thought....the pinball effect of it could really be something large and wonderful. I am sure this is happening which is why there are stories of heroism and kindness as well...but this news story has just reinforced how important what ever good we all do is.

A cure for Monday morning blues

Routine...something most of us often complain about...my work is so routine, life has become routine etc etc. Yet I think I can easily declare that I kind of love routine. I find a lot of peace in routine. Waking up, gymming, driving to work, office, back home, dinner, walk, tv, read and sleep...I realize without this schedule, we would never truly appreciate breaks. Yeah try and not do it for 2 months and there, we will be squirming for some routine...I would miss the songs on 102.4 FM and the peace of the beautiful walk at night...all simple pleasures.

(I remember being in a job where I had to travel 15 days a month and I tell you it was horrible. Catching flights at 6.00am, traveling city to city, the lack of sleep, the unhealthy food...arrgh)

I think we often misuse the term routine for what actually is boredom. Now boredom according to me is a personal bad habit...often very difficult to give up.

Which brings me back to thinking about weekends.

Come to think of it, weekends are extremely important events. I think I would give it as much eminence as I would give sleep. Weekends folks are about recuperating, relaxing, doing what you didn't do on weekdays, fulfilling needs that weren't fulfilled on weekdays. If you had a lazy week...an active weekend is what you need and vice versa.

Me being a poor soul who works on alternate Saturdays...can only theorize about Sundays and one which totally wipes out any possibility of Monday morning blues. There are two kind of Sundays..one the total lazy one and one the completely active one. A mix of the two just doesn't do the Sunday trick for me.

lazy - wake up late, eat, sleep, watch tv, laze around maybe go out for brunch, watch an afternoon movie, walk, do some grocery shopping from your local store...thats about all I would want to do on a lazy sunday.

active - hit the gym or the pool or go running for an hour at dawn...come back refreshed....make a great breakfast...all work done by 12...shop shop shop or spend the whole day at the parlor or spa or go to an entertainment center and enjoy the rides...catch up with friends for dinner..come home and hit the sack.

Today was the active kinds where i had the privilege of meeting up with not one but two very dear friends after ages..did it all...shop till you drop, gym, parlor, lunch out, dinner of yummy fish curry and rice. Actually feel I have attained temporary nirvana...looking forward to a great week ahead and I guarantee any one of these Sundays...and there will be no Monday morning blues.

Family - what can you do with them?

Whew!!! One program on my brother on TV and lots of phone calls from all near and far family. No escaping this time for the perceived prodigal daughter.

A..the star of the moment...got featured today on a news channel. The channel did go overboard in portraying him as the perfect Indian...ahem... but I still know what he did last summer and the summer before that. :)

It all started with him calling me inquiring if all looked good on air amidst a big party at home with lots of family and friends watching the show together, all high on wine and whisky...when my aunts decided to raid the phone and for the next hour and I got nicely lectured on the only topic which they are experts in.

Aunt 1: Pagoo what are you doing with your life. Your mum also..not doing anything.
Me: Its ok, I like it that way... btw you looked great on tv
Aunt 1: (not relenting) See X and see Y they left their jobs and came to India to be more accessible to finding the right guy...and see how happy they are
Me: Yes, am happy for them. (ahem...happy are they?)
Aunt 1: blah...blah...blah...blah...
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzz
Aunt 1: more blah blah blah....
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzz
A: Pags...ok take care :p... call you later
Me: Bum why could'nt you call me from off
Aunt 1: Why...
click and thankfully the receiver was down.

The phone rings again. in 15 mins....HOME...better

Me: Mommy, did you watch the show?
Mum: Aru, just spoke to Aunt 1 on the phone
Me: Mum, dont bother.
Mum: But Aru...am sick with worry?
Me: Dont mum...go to africa with dad and be happy
Mum: I am not going anywhere till you get married...when you become a mom then you'll know..
Me: Why not? Its not Mars you know.
Mum: What stops you beta?
Me: groan...(gonna whack A for coming on TV)
Mum: I didn't know you dad when we got married...You can never know anyone completely...Its destiny....this astrologer says blah blah blah...
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzz
Mum: Aru, at least shift to bombay..get a job here.
Me: Ok mum not able to hear you...this imate sucks! (Shit why didn't I think of this earlier)
click...god bless the imate or hutch

Indian families...love them I do...but wish they could talk about how much publicity A's company has got from the program...if you know what i mean.

A reflecting mind

Its been a long time...since I have reflected. Am confused....some questions and the answers keep changing...

Who am I? A daughter, a sister, a mausi, a friend, a cousin, an employee or a boss? I have no problem in everyday life...I seem to wear these hats almost perfectly, yet am confused whether I am doing justice to any of them...without a realization of who is this person that is me. I got some cues though.

Where is my home? I have built a small world around me...tailored to my needs..but it feels as if I am at a station in the the journey of life.Is there really a bridge across forever or will these questions keep occurring all along till the day i die.

What do i want? Fleeting glimpses of dreams I have, yet conviction I seem to lack. Every thresh hold I cross, there is still a yearning desire for something that I have been missing. Certainty?

Not one to have known fear too closely, not one to have had any problems with uncertainty, not one who could ever be accused of playing it safe...Someones being taking care of me very dearly...I feel that hand's being lifted...I smell the intoxicating smell of the unknown...I feel that someones clearly telling me that I have it now, I kinda know it now and that I am on my own. Its like a parent who has brought up the child and the child has now moved to discover the big beautiful world on her own. Strangely its now when that hand seems to have hidden itself...whose hand was this? That kind old man on a rocking chair who we call god?

Who am I is a highly misleading question...i feel...a better one would be why am I here? I feel forming opinions of yourself is as bad as forming opinions about others.

Why am I here? The closest i can get to an answer is....to act as a catalyst for the lives that I touch.

7/7/7

Morning 8.30am, Channel CNN IBN or NDTV (forgot which one)
The most important news today was how auspicious a day it was to get married. I swear, 4times within an hour, I actually saw news about how some American couples waited for 2 years to get married today. Another friend had made a decision of getting married 2 weeks ago and the aim was 7/7/7. Its as if the day comes with a guarantee stamp of happiness.

Now you have to hear this-
1) There are 7 colors (i think they meant the rainbow, as am sure only there are only 3 primary colors other than white and black, correct me if I am wrong)
2) Marriage means saat janamo ka saath (7 lifetimes of togetherness)
3) In a Hindu ceremony you take 7 pheras to get married
4) There are 7 days in a week (whoops how profound!)
5) There are 7 chakras in the body
6) and some 7 constellations in Hindi astronomy ( weren't there 12?)

and some scores of similar stuff which I fail to recollect.

Well seeing the quality of news stories now-a-days, i wouldn't have batted an eyelid, however this point was driven into me by a friend who got married (i think is still in the process of) today. A big reason was 7/7/7. I was told it was a small wedding at a temple..so I went to check it out.

My experience and learning from 7/7/7.

(changed this part on popular demand)

Well lately I have witnessed someone I know who went through a lot of confusion as to whether she should marry a guy she met through an arranged marriage. After almost reaching a conclusion of not going through with it...she did eventually with a hard heart. 7/7/7 seemed to be a great factor in the decision made.

I know if she had listened to her heart or mind once and not gotten carried away..she had a strong chance of having the life she always wanted...yet somehow we succumb I guess. Having seen the wedding and her reaction to it...i did think it was a decision made in haste. The auspicious nature of the date, the whole hype about it just seemed so wasted to me.

7/7/7 has left me totally speechless

Maybe CNN IBN will attribute Venus Williams victory to the date as well...maybe her name sums up to 7...if not maybe her dad's name does!!!! As far as Bartolli goes and I must say she played a splendid game yesterday...may be CNN IBN would suggest she change her name as the days magic didn't work for her

Disclaimer- the above facts are only my observations and my perspective.

cues from long ago

Lately my thoughts have been going back to childhood very often. Its amazing how when you sit by yourself and relive childhood, you can experience all what happened then just as it did.

The most important observation is that I haven't changed a bit since. No not an iota of change has happened to the way I am, the way I interact with people or what I think and feel, even in how I react to situations.

To draw a parallel..I remember being the favorite child of my school principal and I remember in todays language not being hierarchical in my thought even then. The world used to tell me that you ought to speak to Father Orlando with more reverence or that you just say anything that comes to your mind. Even then I used to think why ever not? Anyone who knows me at work will say the same now.

I remember the pain that little girl in std 6 went through when she was not selected for a dance for a discriminatory reason or the happiness when she jived with the prince charming of yesteryear, who I think had engineered her selection in the dance.

Can we take cues from our childhood. If we've forgotten who we are and yes I mean forgotten and not discovering here...If we have forgotten who we are, we just need to sit back and revive that memory stored somewhere in our brain.

I remember coming 15th in class in standard 5 and the absolute heart break that I went through then and I remember the lesson that little girl learnt so clearly then. I remember the competition I had with Mathew in class 3 for getting the highest marks in maths...yes i think I was competitive then. Am I fooling myself saying I am not now? Its just that studies was a high and work now just doesn't do the trick or maybe people have grown up and are not like Mathew any more.

I remember that none of my parents ever told me to study...I just did it when I wanted to. A great parallel to now. If I am told to do stuff and if someone tries to micro manage - I just procrastinate and don't do anything. Dunno if this approach is good or bad...but thats just me.

I remember PT sir making me run 10 rounds of the football field because I was late for practice by 15 minutes (arrived at 5.15 am and not 5)!!! I remember telling him that sir the punishment and the felony don't match. The sense of fairness, I think was developed even then. I remember way back in maybe std 1, in a crafts test, my mom knew the teacher and had told me what she was going to ask us to make...and I remember thinking that this was not fair. I remember wanting to beat Trupti in every English test and missing it by 1 mark everytime and when I finally did...the teacher had calculated my marks wrong :((...I remember going to her and telling her and yet again came 2nd in English. I remember the temptation of not wanting to tell her quite clearly.

I remember scoring a 3 pointer basket at state level when in std 5 I became the youngest member of the senior team very avidly...I can safely say it was and still is the happiest moment of my life...yeah we went on to lose all games after that which I would rather forget. To draw a parallel achieving a 3 pointer sales or revenue target...gives me an absolute high even now...throw in some number game...I mean give me data to play with and there I think I would have found my work calling. Why did I miss it for so long? Had all the cues,...maths my fav subject...english and debating a close second.

Put in 50% numbers, 40% comm skills utilization and maybe 10% of all the mundane stuff that one has to do at work,...and that is the ideal job for me.

Interests...well crafts was out then...drawing was very close to my heart...why didnt i pursue it as a hobby? Something about our education system just sucks.

Sports was dad's biggest gift I think till date. Why didnt I pursue a special interest in any competitive sport?

There is a lot more stuff I remember but the point is that I very clearly remember all my actions then and if I draw a parallel of those actions to now...though situations have changed, the actions are similar.

Take the same theory to people and I am sure great parallels can be drawn...but then am tired and it will have to wait for the next post.

Kate and Anna

Once upon a time there lived a pretty young girl called Kate. A little saint, who was very happy to be by herself and loved reading about everything from Abraham Lincoln to the truths about the 2nd world war to Mills and Boons. A quiet little dreamer who seldom shared her dreams with anyone but made few and good friends. All she wanted from life was to make a mark, an ambitious dreamer was she. She loved her little sister Anna. Now what can I say about Anna, the center of all mischief in school and town. Poor little Anna got blamed even for the mischief she never did. Fear was not known to Anna, so open was she that she easily became the favorite of all her teachers.

They loved their school - Kate for her books and friends and Anna for all the fun. Kate struggled with her studies while Anna used to easily top everything she touched. Little Kate was the captain and center forward of the hockey team while Anna the defender more interested in basket ball for the captain of the boys team was so very cute. She didn't even have to try too hard, just got into the team with ease. Such was Anna.

Kate tried hard to get over stage fright, but failed miserably while Anna easily danced, sang, acted and debated on stage. But Anna picked up everything from her sister. She read all her books, saw all the movies Kate enjoyed and didn't ever need to spend a penny of her pocket money on all the music Kate collected.

Time passed by and they lead separate lives under the same roof. The saintly Kate helped Anna all she could, protected her from the wrath of her parents in all her mischief and Anna had all the fun she could.

In college by a stroke of luck they became room mates. Two gawky grown girls, one who wanted to be something big and the other who didn't know why she was there.

Again Anna this time got into trouble with the college principal, a wicked man was he. For the first time in the principal's office, Anna noticed how passionately Kate defended her and something in Anna changed. She realized how magnanimous a person her sister was and was moved to tears with love for her sister and regret for taking her for granted always.

Their relationship changed and sisters they became not by birth, but from the heart. Anna passed by happily and Kate met her prince charming. No looking back for Kate, who for the first time overcame all her fears and became a woman. Anna never liked prince charming and seldom wrong was she. Not one to interfere, Anna fiercely helped her sister marry who she wanted facing all the anger of her parents.

Anna went on to experience all that life had to offer with all her passion. She made friends, had crushes, cried, laughed and this time on her own. Till one day she got a call from Kate....

...... to be continued

Random thought

Frequency a baffling concept yet sensitivity to this minor concept could make a colossal difference to our lonely souls.

We all know it exists. Of the 100 people on your floor, its that single person who sends the most finely tuned frequency. I oft have noted that the poor souls at office who seem to get along with everyone are usually faking it and are the loneliest of the lot. Please refrain from mixing getting along to indulging in tp conversation with all, which I can be accused of doing.

1 of 100 is a great record if you ask me. The more accurate statistic would be 1(who does not work in office) of 1200 or 1300 whatever be the latest number(the entire office). A parallel yet converging theory to this is that we also possess different frequencies. To list a few:

• 91.1 - the womanly connect - sorry guys you will never get this one ;)
• 93.5 - the tp type - friendly banter, mostly harmless.
• 95 - professional - no choice, leadership, the experts and a few intelligent beings at work have to fall into this category
• 98.3 - the comical connect - yeah some people have the knack of making you laugh helplessly
• 102.5 - the intellectual connect - this is usually satisfied by googling unless you are in academics
• 106.4 - The friendly connect - Noticeably more than the 93.5 above -watch movies, go out maybe similar music taste, cry, laugh, genuine caring.
  
• 104 - the cribbing connect - this could happen with either of the above (pls note am talking about connect, strictly avoidable with people who don't)

Most of these interactions are mostly one to many and catching these generally get you by peacefully. The more the 106.4 the more fun will life be.

However, the colossal difference mentioned is to do with a frequency which is indescribable yet at some level we have all experienced it. Its when someone really sees you, right through the demeanor that you unconsciously or maybe consciously have acquired. We might find this with a few training professionals or behavior specialists who have met scores of people and somehow say just the right thing, so for explaining my theory lets discount them.

100.1 - have you tuned in? You don't really need to talk here, yet if no words you might never realize its existence. So you talk and are seldom misunderstood. No explanations and clarifications of intent needed, of thoughts maybe yes. Do you see that something around you glows in the presence of this frequency? Can I label it as spiritual? Would not like to, keeping in mind the word has become a fashion statement now-a-days. If either of the above frequencies say I love you babe or that you are a beautiful person the only thing they satisfy is your ego, but when 100.1 says it, it stirs you. Its a re enforcement that the beliefs you've lived by are not baseless. If you are lucky you might also race ahead on the path of self discovery.

Romeo and Juliet

In an Indian Context....Juliet is perfectly savvy...oh a good woman..good at her work..looks good!

Juliet meets Romeo, how is incidental and not important so they say. Romeo hears music..and says you and me babe how about it? Juliet says " Will do whatever my parents say.." - she is lying I tell you (read this as am not sure). tch tch..romeo you guys met for the first time man.

A lovestruck romeo....hangs in there and sure he realizes that its just that the time was wrong. Now is the interesting part. Juliet being an Indian woman needs to get married fast...so she had fallen for chains of silver but now Romeo was gold ( all this relative) she realized! So they continue...month after month passes...Juliet wanted romeo to call everyday...says he gotta show me he likes me right?...romeo didnt get the message...just kept surfing for more options. Man he gotta protect himself right ;)

Juliet had the hand of god play (or lets just say a password) in her life and realised what romeo was doing and kaput....romeo didn't know what hit him. Juliet says...Hey romeo you nearly gave me a heart attack...you shouldn't just preach but practice...have a nice life! Romeo called 17 times(!!!) says all I do is miss you and the way we used to be!

Juliet a woman after all came around...but heavier things now....Juliet was from a different world, she bought expensive clothes, never thought before spending..Romeo simple that he was did not. Juliet had no idea what satvik was...and romeo was almost a priest.

This drove Juliet to almost forget Romeo...till one day..romeo comes and says...babe we are getting married now..and Juliet says ok...(what? did I hear right?)..aah a staunch believer that love doesnt exist...juliet now is burning cds of love songs for romeo(!!!!)

Juliet loves sitting at coffee shops yakking with friends...but has warned all friends now that she will only have coffee with romeo from now on...juliet has also said she will not be disturbed for 2 months as she....no no...doesnt want to set up home etc...she wants to visit all Romeos relatives, she's bought all the sarees afterall. No work for Juliet now..at least temporarily. Juliet will also be veg forever, not drink, not eat onion and garlic and will lead a satvik life forever.

Juliet babe wish you luck...but be a woman to him and not a wife.

A holiday in Ladakh

It was a year ago, the need to do something different in my heart drove me to sign up with an adventure company to conquer the himalayas.

A year later with memories fresh in my mind, I write this blog as a tribute to ladakh. Truly a place which gave me no feel of being in India, except for the locals who spoke perfect hindi, yet looked like Tibetans.I met my holiday partners in Cp, Delhi while catching a bus to Manali. All of us city people had no clue what it would be like. The only education i had received was from this awesome old man who ran a shop in Dadar selling trekking gear. We spent two days in Manali, where we had a nice time visiting some hot water springs, walking to Hadimba temple and the night saw us in this pub which was quite quaint. Beware of Manali as my camera, phone and wallet got flicked the same night from my hotel room, while I was sleeping :(

The trip from Manali to Leh was something I would never forget...a mixture of lovely landscape, good conversation with strangers and altitude. We didnt realise while climbing except for a slight headache that we were actually being driven through 17000ft. The night we spent at Keylong where some holiday partners had a rather uninformed discussion about the gandhian philosophy...all heated...and fun. A special mention of Guru, James and Frank who made this a rather interesting drive
After a 2 day journey we finally reached this quaint little holiday hotspot called leh. Its amazing how so many people from all over the world visit Leh and Indians prefer to stop at Manali. The ratio people was 3:1 !!!!

Leh has a great feel about it. Lovely helpful locals, 5 german bakeries with yummy apple pie, lots of army walas and the shanti stupa. I would advise to go up there (read about 800ft..stairs made) in the evening and wait for the sun to go down. High up on the stupa with zillions of stars above you somehow is an exhilarating experience. We luckily bumped into James and Josh at night while strolling on the streets and trust Dj guru to have us all in splits.

After having discovered Leh, we started out for Nubra valley a day later where our guide had organised our trek. The famed Kharadungla pass was quite an experience with lots of people stopping to touch the snow..trust me you could stop just any where and pass the crowded pass. Strangers throwing snow balls at each other...the good thing is I discovered I am not a very snow person.
But, the sight of the clouds kissing the white mountains and road is pretty, very pretty. After camping for another two days at 13000-ft we started out for the pass at 18000ft that we were supposed to capture. Aah..that is an experience I would love to hate, but somehow cannot get the memory out of my mind. Every day we walked for 12km uphill for about 6-7 hrs. The first day was a rocky terrain beside a river, the next was on the wall of a gorge where if we had plummeted no one would have known. Day 3 was through villages and finally here I was hit by altitude. Our camp guide had to come back to where I rested for couple of hours and slowly we made our way to the camp site. All I can say dunno what hit me. The sight of the camp was most welcome and Rahul the cook made some great adrak chai which did wonders for my cold soul. This was 14000ft with cold winds blowing just all over.
The tents here are cooking tents and the horse mans tent. God save him...the guy comes to India from June - Aug and then sneaks through the china border right through the Himalayan ranges.

All rested (not really...as I just didnt get sleep up there in the cold), next morning we set out for the final base camp. The terrain was dry, rocky and there was no way. With the guides way ahead and the camp partners way behind, I wondered why did I have a guide anyways. However was an enchanting experience, as the sights along the way were really breathtaking.
We reached the base camp at 2.00pm, through thin air, the scorching UV rays of the sun beat down upon us mercilessly. Little did we know that at night we'd see temperatures going below zero. The next day we got up to see the stream beside our camp frozen!!!!
The final day walk was something I could never erase from my memory...again rockier terrain to begin with but to get through the pass we had to cross a kilometer of snow and ice...as seen on the pic. We reached the ice after a 4 hr walk at 18000ft and my first step on ice saw me slip and bruise my hands badly. Rauf the local guide literally had to pull me through for around 500mts. Seeing the top of the pass after that I got some mental strength in me and I eased my way up. My learning from this experience is that to give up or fail, you first have to do in the mind. And if you dont...there is a strong possibility that you might not fail. Reaching the top of the pass was more relieving then any feeling of accomplishment for me. However in retrospect feels great!

Another 5 hrs walk down to the base was easy and beautiful. With guru and me cribbing about our non helpful camp partners. He also got some villagers to give us some local fermented stuff which definitely gave us a boost and we ran down the rest of the mountain...lost our way and had to walk back to where the vehicle was waiting to take us back to leh (!!!!!) Our trek ended in some bad blood, where we engaged in a great fight which I do regret now, but something about that altitude people which makes you a little wonky.

The next day, coffee and apple pie at the german bakery in leh was to die for. We actually went into a cyber cafe and kissed the desktop (tch...tch...city virus). Our trip from Leh to Srinagar via Kargil was another eyeopener. The the grand Indian army and signs like " You are under enemy observation " or " Stay in the vehicle or you will get shot " (not really ;) but something similar) all over the place. The only mention of Srinagar that I can make maybe is about my amazement of how a whole city can be built on a lake. Srinagar was a disappointment after the truly majestic sights of Ladakh, but we did manage to see a kashmiri wedding and the shankaracharya and hazaratbal .....though nothing spectacular here.
The pic here is of the shikara ride we took to hazaratbal on the dal lake. We even managed to buy some souvenirs from the dal lake floating market and where I also discovered that there is a honey made by harvesting bees on poppy..which drugs you (!!!!) I got nicely ticked off by the dj to have kept this vital piece of information from him we came back to our houseboat honeyless :))). Srinagar, a city of past glory, truly has been dragged to its feet by the terrorism it has witnessed.
Gives you a helplessly sad feeling


Finally a tribute to the guys without whom we would not have accomplished anything...karma the horseman and his horses. God bless them!

I do recommend anyone with the love for the beauty of nature and the spirit of adventure to go to Ladakh and trek. Will I do it again?...lets just say I would love to walk up the beautiful well built mountain roads in Italy!!!!




A tribute to the spectacular beauty of the Himalayas. Am sure its effected me in a way I will only realize in the years to come.

*Pic credit - Guru, James and Prashant

Conspiracy theory

I first heard it in the alchemist. Magic thats what it bought into my life, I think it was 7 years ago, but no thats not where the story starts.

Some 12 years ago, just when I needed it a seagull called Johnathan flew in with perfection and I got it in an instant. No my dreams were not stupid. If it weren't for the seagull who refused to live only to catch fish and eat, I might have lived a life less fulfilling then what I did. Fly Fly high he said even if you might not make it, even if your wings are tired and everyone else around you says this is not what you should waste your time on. And it paid off didn't it. The point is even if it didn't, it was an awesome flight and it would be an awesome death.

The journey has been full of illusions, thoughts about parallel lifetimes and dreams about the bridge across forever.

However the questions and the cracks in the philosophy were plain to see, much as I tried to ignore it. It persisted. What was the missing link?

Santiago bought a revelation into my life. Was there something I was missing? His realization that he did have a dream, not really sure of what it was made him start out on a journey of experiences and discovery. The universe, he was told, conspires to make things happen, so just listen to the earth and feel the soul of the world and keep moving. Listen to the signs..... Indeed a magical journey of chance meetings and realizations. A patient journey of discovery, procrastination and a will to drift on. And on the way he found his dream. A cloud just knows he has to move in this direction, he may not know why...however the skies know and if you can rise above...so will you.

Why have I stopped? Its not as if you need to know your dream to journey on...do I really look for signs now? I have made enough to buy my two flocks of sheep...why am I still in the crystal shop? Am I becoming a part of the herd who catches fish to eat or who catches fish because thats what he has done and knows?...I don't think so yet.

A cry from the soul to the universe...conspire for my journey....conspire for my dream. The heart I know and listen to with utmost clarity...am waiting for the omens.

I think I cracked it...

This post is dedicated to all those lovely ladies trying to lose weight.

Well being an avid lover of the good things in life, which devilishly only make you wanna cry on the weighing scale...it took me some time to crack the code...thanks to some help from experts. Now experts I value for anything..design, analytics or health

First some general rules:

1) Know and love your body - Let me explain..I am an O+ve and carbs suit me...so I need not give up carbs at all. Proteins dont...so avoid proteins specially at night. Each of us have a unique body..know yours...go to the experts and ask. Find out what your body wants and listen to it.
2) Sorry girls, you have to balance the diet as well as exercise. Hey its not a bad thing you know...the high after an intense workout is quite awesome...just get a good and empathetic trainer.
3) Dance - Its absolutely a soul uplifting exercise...do it even if its alone at home or on your terrace. Try Shiamak if you want to really get the pleasure of dancing...I did.
4) If you live far from work...its worth paying that extra cash...even if its big money and move closer.
5) If you have never been 55 kgs in your life....its still possible...so get out of the myth and set some impossible goal.
6) Love walking...walk for hours if necessary...and no, walking 5 hrs a day at times doesnt kill you...if its boring...try trekking... or on sunday get a friend and walk those 20 kms to that far away museum or monument.
7) And hey heard about all those amazing spa's and massages....go ahead join. Trust me on this one.
8) Yoga - Girls its simple and easy and the best toner you can get...just watch that tummy go in...and watch your body become flexible.
9) Stretch - your body has an awesome capacity to stretch and its most effective.

Now the trick about keeping the darn thing off...

Some more specific rules

1) Lose more weight...change the exercise..play tennis, squash, swim or gym ( not a great fan of indoors...but gives you great results)
2) Did you just drink 4 margaritas? Well...i hope no fries (try roasted anything) along with it?...even if you did...next day..stay on fruits...or on only veggies...avoid carbs now...your body will not starve...and will get detoxified.
3) Your body has a threshold weight....if you have lost 5 kgs...you will definitely gain 3...so lose 8kgs. ( maybe the experts dont agree to this one)

Aah...did I hear you asking food...hmm...trust me one helping just finishes off that hunger...the rest is in your mind...so work on your mind. Satisfy it with what it needs...and its not food. Do you like writing...reading...find out what uplifts your mind...and do it.

The calorie counter has helped me reach 53kgs...its simple, just know what you eat and if you dont.... listen to your body, it knows what it needs. A chocolate truffle pastry is not that bad just 350 cals...girls try keeping it below 1200 in a day. Biryani is a no no...oil is a no no....however a few bites satisfy the craving and is not so bad. Pizza's anyone?...no girls dont go beyond a piece. If you do...have only veggies for dinner. Fall in love with veggies and fish...not difficult you know.

The most important rule - Don't give up anything, just reduce the quantity and if you have partied hard at night...next day abstain! Remember your stomach is stretchable...the quantity it needs depends how much you fill in it.

My aim is 50 and I will get there...Toast anyone?

Most importantly dont do it if you really dont want to....its a mind game...aspire to have the perfect weight or the perfect size...you will get there....like I am sure I will :)

a dream and a prayer

A fleeting glimpse of a dream
Souls entwine
Memories of being alive
And moments divine


*pic credit: flickr.com, Bob

Hari Sadu

Leadership and the lack of it has been a large part of my tryst with the corporate world.

Being a relatively cool person who believes anyone can do what they want and who wants to be left alone to do my thing, work has taught me the benefits of how to practice this value of my life and along with it act as a catalyst in provoking thought in people about themselves and their values. A very enriching experience I must say.

Unfortunately my work life has not been so kind to me and has constantly put me in situations where my so called leaders have no idea how to manage this little girl, who doesn't need managing at all.

My experience in leading teams made me believe that you must make people dream or just make them remember their dreams. Touch that cord in them and lift them from one level of existence to the next. No dear readers this doesnt happen by giving responsibility and increasing scope of work, this only happens if they are confident enough to take responsibility.

Confidence is intricately meshed with performance. Make a person feel like he or she is shit and the best performers will crumble and vice versa. Skills, tools, processes etc etc will all happen on the job, but are we able to actually touch what makes 70% of the difference in performance? All the conceptualization, brainstorming, sales planning etc etc will not achieve anything if your employees are not in it with passion.

Do this with your direct reportees and ensure they do it with theirs and there you have a fantastic world class team if all of you dream big enough. Simple isnt it?

Not one to take anything in life too seriously in the long run atleast, I am surprised by my own reactions to my great leaders. Why am I in situations in which I am constantly hounded to not be myself? To the benefit of all my so called leaders, I plead guilty of not keeping quiet when I see something which I don't agree with going on in work, with me or with the team that I am associated with. I also plead guilty of expecting my leaders to be far ahead of me in leadership skills and expect them to make the team dream big and be confident and passionate.

Am I expecting too much? Will someone tell me where am I going wrong? Should I really have an attitude of acceptance?

Lets just say I am not in the mood.

KISS - Keep it Simple and Stupid

( Post renamed from Its easy to be hard, but its hard to be easy)

This morning a colleague of mine, who is a usability expert in our company, showed me a calender which the usability training guys of HFI had given to all our Interface Designers after the training program over the weekend. A brilliant concept within HFI, in which they have internal contests and ask employees to come up with one-liners related to design which they brand as buttons and use avidly in trainings. This is where I got this line from.

The clue of a great website design is that you need to KISS..Keep It Simple and Stupid. Having spent much time on design and owing it to the great expert company I keep now-a-days, I have observed that this concept contributes greatly to why you like one website over the other. The Flickr pink for example, a beautiful way to highlight but pink for heaven's sake on a website, who could've have thought they could carry the concept off so well. But of course if you mess up with the search and features kiss or no kiss gets you no where!! (applaud please spoken like a true product person)

What do you like a messy webpage or a well prioritized easy to use webpage with messages like Oops bad bad server, no donuts for you?

Now what this statement basically stirred in me was nothing to do with webpages. Isn't it hard to be easy in life? Simple living!

Priorities, aims, wishes, desires...I agree keep changing, but if we can easily separate the chaff from the wheat, take it all one at a time and are able to live with a simple thought process, at times make fools of ourselves...I tell you life will be beautiful.

Lately I have been hounded by some complex delhi friends and have been a victimized as well as bored listener to conversations about why I should buy a big car, designer clothes, redo my transitional home and all that stuff people do to make their lives even more complicated. Trust me I love doing it up but not because you earned some money. I would easily spend big money on holidaying or buying expensive stuff I want but not because someone has it.

I have also often been lectured on relationships. Be hard, not easy...this has been proven umpteen number of times by collective experiences of most of my girl friends, in fact the results are instantaneous to see. A lot of fun this, but in retrospect the conversations between friends of planning and discussing results were more entertaining then the relationships themselves. The human mind I tell you sticks to what you cant have. But I have often observed that I have ended up poorer in the end of an experience like that. People who are attracted to what they can't have usually are no fun to be with and trust me they roam around in disguises. The fun of games is not what i refer to here, but the learning attached to the fun was simple to see.

Well may be just maybe the Usability concepts work in relationships too...you need to KISS...people you need to keep it simple and stupid!

Girls...some simple and stupid rules to follow. Guys some tips ;-)

1) Avoid guys who fall for all the games you plan with your friends. Though its a brilliant way to check initially.
2) Avoid guys who make you feel bad about how you look or want you to wear better and more complicated clothing, ofcourse unless you want to.
3) Avoid guys who don't KISS ( you know what I mean, I think I should rename the post, which i just did)
4) If its getting too tough to be with this guy...leave! Life usually is simple...the worst of circumstances can be dealt with simply and sensitively. If its getting tough one of you is making it complex. Your time will be better spent on playing tennis or those guitar classes you always wanted to do.
5) Avoid guys on whose priority list you appear anything but first...doesnt mean hound the poor fellas into shopping... some activities are just more enjoyable with the girls.
6) Understand making a fool of yourself, usually means spreading laughter...a great karma...so avoid guys who take it seriously.
7) Mostly for women in delhi as hoards available here - avoid guys who are avoidable...life will just get too complicated and not worth it..you could have learnt to play sultans of the swing by now!

Maybe the secret of Life is to Keep it simple and stupid.

Love...Does it exist?

A tricky topic...written at the risk of my reputation, yet close to my stubborn heart.

I watched a movie long ago called "Before Sunrise" and recently its sequel "Before Sunset". Ethan Hawke and a french woman meet in Italy on a train and spend an evening and a night together and part before sunrise, promising to meet in 6 months. They never did...11 years later they meet by chance in Paris and spend a day together. Two frustrated individuals totally in tune with each other...the french woman had a boyfriend and Ethan had a wife. They never really forgot each other and were in love.

Is this fantasy, an illusion or a reality?

Where does it start? The first glance, the first conversation or the first touch? Is it any of the firsts at all? Being a bit of a dreamer I choose to believe it is. The realization could be later or may never happen...however the rest is only the rest and comes afterwards.

Coming back to real life...do we as individuals know ourselves well enough to realize a good thing when we see it? Are we conditioned by our experiences or our ambiance to ignore it and look for something more conventional, because love my dear friends I don't believe knows any. It is a risky affair...are we scared and so settle for lukewarm security which we are sure will turn cold. Do we dare to dream?

Love, I believe, starts and ends at you yourself. Are you tuned in with yourself..if not you can forget picking up the frequency of another individual. Do we realize at this moment who we are, what we feel...what we believe in and most importantly where is it all coming from....our past experiences, our observations our conditioning or our insecurities? Can we then on realization drop it and know this may not be who we are? Does your lover or husband or boyfriend help you in this process? Do you help him?

Hundreds of people we interact with...do we have the sensitivity of noticing ourselves independently and not in relation to anyone else? Do we have a relationship with ourselves? If we do there is a strong chance that we will be bold enough to meet and know love and the fun and growth in love.

I have observed the time spent with each other is wonderful to begin with...but then it need not be just to begin with, but it often is. What spoils it? Do we realize that often we ourselves kill it. When one is going forward the other takes two steps behind...If we are changing constantly how can one take the other for granted? Isn't it usually because we are ignorant of the fact that we are changing and the other is also. Do we have the insight to see this?

Love is no guarantee for a successful relationship. But then thats a different topic altogether and will be covered in a different post.

As for the existence of it...we all know the answer in our hearts...we are just too scared to question what we have or have chosen to believe we know. A big clue my humble understanding can give is forget the movies, the good and the bad stories around you...forget what everyone around you says...look inside and follow your dreams...walk on the edge of the cliff if that is what it takes...falling off will be painful...but does that really matter?

The negotiator and his learnings

After experiencing several appraisals, I am constantly amazed how the experience and the after taste of it remains the same year on year, whether you are the appraiser or are being appraised.

Year ZERO ( moved for a high flying role to corporate office )

Boss: This is your comp
Employee: What??? I moved home...how can you do this, how will i eat?
Boss: Its fair
Employee: A US sales role at a peanuts salary.,..you must be joking
Boss: Everyone wanted this role in the company
Employee: Give it to them...this is crazy
Boss: PROVE YOURSELF first
Employee: But isn't that why you shifted me here
Boss: Yes, but we need to show everyone what you can do
Employee: huh..ok..
Boss: he he he

Year 1 ( High flying role turned sour)

Boss: This is your comp for the year
Employee: But..I came here for something else, see whats happened
Boss: we didn't know how it would go, you could've done something else
Employee: what
Boss: you doing very well now...that the roles changed..you have to PROVE YOURSELF
Employee: ok, I am not happy
Boss: hehehe

Year 2 ( Superlative performance, sales role)

Boss: This is what you get this year
Employee: But I took home 50% more last year
Boss: Thats for a superlative performance.,...you did very well, salaries sky rocket in sales over achievement...this year we don't know how you would do in the new role, you asked for the move, we didn't.
Employee: But if i did so well...shouldn't my comp be better this year.
Boss: You got loads of incentive
Employee: What about this year
Boss; PROVE YOURSELF...
Employee: isn't that what i did
Boss: No..past is forgotten..but future is important, lets see what you do tis year
Employee: But what about present now...isn't my comp based on past performance and future expectation
Boss: Yes, but we think we are fair
Employee: (totally flabbergasted) Ok I want a sabbatical for 3 months
Boss: Take one month
Employee: I am sick now, I wanna leave
Boss: ok take 3 months...no comp talk
Employee: Did i hear right?
Boss: we'll tell you what you have to do when you come back.
Employee: hehehe ok

Last year: (changed roles..no clue of whats expected and what should you do year)
Boss: This is what we thought you should get
Employee: but..why...market rate...i expected...
Boss: Yeah but this is what we didnt make ( or did make) from you...
Employee: Made from me? Should I now sell my soul?
Boss: No..just make enough for the company, You got a great role now PROVE YOURSELF
Employee: I give 9 hrs of my life everyday for years now...if you want more...tell me what can I do
Boss: No you are very good..figure it out
Employee: I want 30% more than what you mentioned
Boss: Ok lets keep it at 20% more.
Employee: Ok (hmm...aah...did i agree too soon...huh...did i quote to less)
Boss: hehehe...ok bye

(pls note no talk of training, improving, scope, etc etc etc etc...all that can make the performance better next year)

Commonality in experience: Never happy with comp whether you do well or no...always need to prove yourself whether you do well or no... The boss always gets the last word...The only happy employee took a sabbatical and for once went out of the comp race...

Life has so much more to it than work...somehow can we expand our horizons of thought and reach beyond the immediate life that we lead everyday...have a vision, but keep our eyes on here and now.

The perfect balance -the mind is important to know how here and now is important, see what you are doing...is it value adding to you and people around you
yet..be in touch with your heart and know this may not be what you really are made for..