We all live under the same sun

Yes we all live under the same sun..

Its a wonder how we are so quick to point out someone else's fault. We have our own agendas, this may or may not match with the others around us. This often leads to confusion and conflict. The fact in any conflict is that the two people do not see eye to eye and this may lead to a blame game.

The fact also is that we are all trying and trying hard to work on our agenda towards our own goal. In the corporate world, if the goals are pre defined, it often solves a lot of issues. But in the absence, ambiguity prevails and leads to chaos.

In a training program, a nice old man called Zayed Ganjee asked us..How much do you know the people you work with? We were too quick to say quite well...but do we really see each other? Do we know what are the challenges faced by our own colleagues?

To know a person, its important to spend some time in listening to another person. Yet we often dont have time to. How are we different now than we were at college? With not much other than studies and exams on our minds, we had a lot of time where we heard each other out. We knew what our friends were going through. We helped them crack that econometrics paper they were struggling with. Do we do this now? Yes we do it with our teams, but isnt it necessary to do it others without an agenda in our mind as well?

Life was so beautiful when we spent time with each other and really helped another. As we grow, we also become judgemental, this often is limited by our own perceptions and this prevents us from forming real relationships. It is true that there are people and there always will be people who out of insecurity, knowingly or unknowingly, will harm you. But in the larger scale of things this evens out. Knowing this why cant being aware of the harm the other person is trying to do, just rise above and let it go. Its easy and necessary to do.

I have often thought of myself as a very simple person, whose needs can be met by just a little of what life has to offer. I aspire to lead a simple life near a beach running a small business which sustains itself and me & my family. Meeting interesting travelers and listening to their stories..but that doesnt mean I will not meet all kinds of folks..there will be feathers ruffled even then...the fact is that the key is to rise above and see why a person is behaving the way he or she is and then letting it go. This comes only with a lot of sensitivity and belief in oneself because in the end we are all here on a journey which will end someday. Lets make the most of it and be as adventurous as we can..there is so much to see in this beautiful world. Who really has the time to ponder on another's motive. Life seems unfair at times, but in the long run it all evens out for everyone.

Cheers folks to all of your lives and mine..the celebration will carry on!

Imprisoned....

Another year gone by and I maintain status quo....
for how long I wonder will this continue..

I yearn for a more simple life
I yearn to be more in touch with my surroundings and people
I yearn for interesting company
I yearn to learn from their varied experiences

I am scared that I might have turned out to be exactly what i was afraid of.
I need to jump from the cliff to fly....
what stops me is not the depth
but the imaginary chains that have clasped me
not just my body but my mind....

I need to break free...to save my soul...

Not so smart!!

I think I have had a wonderful life. Its been a life full of extreme experiences, thrills, great times, not so great times. As I sit and reflect now...I believe I have always come out of it on the top. I made tonnes of mistakes and learn t, and that is learnt real fast.

Have you made huge statements like - phew now that that is over, I think I can handle anything that comes my way. I am smart and knowledgeable and (eer...) invincible, so nothing can go wrong. Well have you also smiled at that later thinking how naive you were. Trust me and my over bearing self, I have oft thought it that way and laughed at my self later.

For my lifetime or whatever recollection I have of it, I have always thought about how every individual in a relationship - could be with friends, siblings, parents and most of all spouses should all have independent lives. Parents must not interfere too much in their childrens affairs and vice versa, a husband and a wife must also (not only) have their own group of friends and also go out with them independently.

I had the opportunity to interact with some beautiful souls. These guys are people who are fighting hard to get over some addiction. In my books they are not much different from those successful guys who own billion dollar companies..trust me when I say this..there is that element which is unknown which makes the world go around I guess thats responsible...not just for your failures, but also for your success.

Now when u are fighting to give up alcohol or drugs...its easy to slip. Its that 30 seconds which if you can control, the urge vanishes and you can be clean afterwards...Its just that 30 seconds which makes all the difference and the stakes here are large.

Folks we all have to learn this about life and I must say I need to keep this lesson in mind. Its just that 30 seconds to control that urge to say something mean or hurtful, its just that 30 seconds to not eat that lovely scrumptious looking doughnut, and its just that 30 seconds for you to control your anger which is usually mis guided anyways.

Late one night while watching a football match, I ate 2 scoops of ice cream, trust me...i needn't have and somewhere didnt want to...but the urge!!! Its this urge that I am talking about.

I may go a step ahead and say...we all get numerous thoughts in our head...positive as well as negative thoughts, some make you think that you have lost it. Folks...I think its our mind and the effort it makes that is the problem, it tries to fight against those negative thoughts. A thought is a thought...if we just let it come and go...its gone...whats the big deal. Its just when we attribute some 10,000 other thoughts to it...does it persist.

You know..you may have all the knowledge in the world, yet that fact is that you slip. I did...and I am not as smart as I thought I was.

Straight from the heart

Its been 7 years.

However it doesn't feel too long yet. I wonder now if its time to move on. At times you are stuck in situations which are nobody's fault, yet they occur. The feeling of being a stranger, or being distrusted, or being in the midst of folks you gotto live with but are totally unlike you and all because you are hanging on to a memory of past happiness and satisfaction seems foolish.

We had the same dreams, the same goals, we totally believed and trusted each other, yet cracks appeared. Some faults were mine and some were not.

At times to grow you need to leave the familiar behind and explore unchartered waters, push yourself to the edge to the cliff to fly. Its necessary to do...yet you leave a lot behind. A tough choice...and the only person who will be affected is me.

"Disagreeing without being disagreeable"

It took me 9 yrs and Senator Obama's blog (which I got referred to by the India uncut blog) to really understand one of the most positive traits for success and leadership. This my friends applies to the corporate world as much as it applies to Politics.

My blindness surprises me as the biggest example of this trait is my CEO, who I have had the opportunity to interact with for long now.

We often lose our cool in meetings, especially when it is a topic we are passionate about. We also seldom have patience with colleagues, friends who disagree with us. It could be about a promotion idea, a new product or feature discussion or it could be about something as mundane as how to drive a car by the rules. Do we discuss, talk without belittling the other?

I know people who do and they are a league apart from the rest. I have much to know and change within myself to point fingers at others here.I have grown wiser today. So I end this blog here with a quote from Obama's blog -

"In fact, I would argue that the most powerful voices of change in the country, from Lincoln to King, have been those who can speak with the utmost conviction about the great issues of the day without ever belittling those who opposed them, and without denying the limits of their own perspectives."

Powerful or powerless?

A phone call from a friend in one of the leading intellectual institutions in India just confirmed it The similarity of experiences is uncanny. Its been a while since I have been thinking about human behavior in a work place. The only advice I can give myself is baby handle it or bail out.

Not one to quit, however the scales seems to tip towards the whole effort being senseless.

Lately in a training program, the trainer seemed to repeatedly mention me trying to behave like a kid and not showing the world the true woman that I am. It could be a defense mechanism to retain innocence and not change despite blatant events which push you to realizing that being hardened by reality is necessary.

Insecurity and in decisiveness masked by power and abrasive confidence seems to be present in all organizations irrespective of the nature of work. In an academic institution it is about Intellectual property, in a company it is about business orientation. I have a sneaky feeling that its not about leadership at all now. In India where human resource is scarce in any industry, there are bound to be people who are not skilled at what they are supposed to do at any level. This is perfectly alright as I truly believe, sales is not about the product. In sales you gotta learn the technique and not just the product. Product knowledge happens along the way, the skill set is in understanding client requirement and building trust.

Similarly if one is not skilled and has reached senior management soon, the attitude of learning and not masking it is important. Do you have the guts to say, I have no idea, but I shall be the best at it soon? Or can you agree to the fact that you are so confused as you have no clue of what to do in some tasks, yet you will follow your gut and if you don't have that too, you will let your team who does, do it without interrupting or creating hurdles for them?

Sorry folks, this does not happen in real life. Human tendency is to masquerade insecurity. It is a defense mechanism which one may not even realize. Though I must mention that I am not a great believer of this and still would like to maintain that every individual in the end knows the intent behind their actions. The sad part is when these people are in positions of power which is oft the case.

The learning - you have to handle it. Yes you may argue that the joy of working vanishes. Well folks you better find work that gives you joy. The high could be in research, teaching, technology, mentoring, achieving targets, building great products or companies...whatever...but if you have not found what makes you tick, you are bound to not find the whole experience worth it in the end. Maybe the powerful people have no power over you if you actually enjoying what you do.

eureka

'Simplicity of character is the natural result of profound thought'

of all the places i got this as my fortune on orkut today. Well am not gonna talk about the product issue of how is this isn't a fortune for now or lets just say i might just not talk at all as it's pretty much like a eureka moment for me.

Me thinks i got some answers with this quote. For all the complicated characters I have met and had mostly meaningless yet passionate discussions with..finally i get some perspective.

And cheers to the concealed intelligence of those so very simple individuals i have met and had the pleasure to interact with.

Making it work...

The search and the desire to be understood....to be loved for what you are I think is highly misleading.

The question we need to ask ourselves is can we love and can we understand others. There is no wish you have which does not get fulfilled...you might have to work for it...and you might not want it when you get it. But the key is in how you get it...once you reach the destination it becomes irrelevant. How beautiful was the journey determines what you are made of.

Relationships never come readymade. You may love a person, but the relationship need not work out. I did promise to write about this earlier..and here is what I feel.

A parents love...no folks its not that unselfish...a parent gets tremendous joy from their kids when young...they get pride when they grow up and if somewhere the kids go wrong according to what they think is wrong...thats when you see parents still by their kids side which completely touches me. Thats unconditional...

Lovers...now you may love someone..but it need not mean that the relationship will work out. It takes a huge amount of mind and not just heart to make it work. The heart knows it all but does not work for you always. The mind which recognizes why a person is reacting the way he or she is and then the heart is guided to perform the necessary actions with utmost sensitivity.

One of the most satisfying forms of love is what a man and a woman share. why? Well for one there are no obligations to love, there can be none. What could be more fulfilling then knowing that love exists despite of no obligations. Not easy this...at times you may just want to give it up and go the way everyone else does, which is the easy thing to do. You will get happiness...but not the kind of happiness you are capable of.

We have created a fast paced world of ambitions, desires, rules and society. We live in it. We experience it in various forms and at times we are scathed and we retreat. We fear...and then when you suddenly don't feel fear when someone comes along...maybe thats when love starts. You get temporary fulfillment...and this is where the work starts..as the fears come back both ways. Maybe the solution is that you need to recognize the other and understand...the want of being understood needs to take a backseat as I think it happens automatically and here is where we go wrong.

Very recently a girl friend mentioned that she just doesn't understand her guy...he just doesn't listen to her. Well to understand a person don't you need to listen to him? An intelligent man..stephen covey, who introduced me to listening. I did practice the art of listening...yet somewhere I think the need to be understood took precedence. But if I look back in my life...people who I have understood and taken the pains to understand...have understood me back 100%. Very satisfying this...

When a person speaks...he or she speaks with some caution and when you understand...the caution goes out of the window. This is when the relationship is made for life. Once the energies around two people are so tuned in..as trust has played its role...the misunderstanding I have observed just doesn't happen. This does take time and some effort. So the focus needs to shift to understand from being understood.

The most intrinsic desire of every woman is to fall madly in love forever....be romanced....and be swept off her feet completely by her knight in a shining armor...you also pretend to be lost and be protected...its instinctive I guess...and then you get it but temporary fulfillment..not hard to get...logically all you need to do is switch guys every 2 years...but do you then ever reach the next level? Relationships are like the ocean...the serene vast expanse...takes in all the storms...is beautiful at times...rough at times....passionate at times...but mostly silent...vast and so very serene. They introduce you to yourself..sometimes you do not like what you see...but they also trigger you to be the best you can...and thats what gives you the fulfillment...

Caution:
Humans are at different levels of understanding...there are people who despite any love or understanding you show will only want more...well leave in this case...as the more a person gives the more he or she will love you...if you are constantly the giver...well a sure shot disaster.

There are also individuals who clam up and refuse to move out and take the chance...they may have be with you for years...again leave...fulfillment and real love is waiting around the corner....its for you to see it.

i think i cracked it (part II)

well ladies this ones for us again....a sequel to part I

well its all about taking it to the next level constantly...personally isnt that what life is all about anyways...but keeping it strictly to the topic under consideration.

If you ask me, am perfectly happy with the way I feel...however nothing wrong about aspiring to take to the next level.

The aim: 3 kilos in 31days with 7 inches off. (being specific about targets is whats makes one achieve it)
The blocks: Well past weeks been bad...a training program with loads of food and wine which I indulged in heartily..so will take time to get the body back in action. to top that works very hectic.
The motivator: a vacation in Bali..no harm in looking great right?

Now how is that going to happen - aah...tricky one

well just to remind myself of how to do it -
1) Eat right - chuck all the fats out...and i mean all - no diet mayo or amul lite..no carbs at night...lots veggies and soups...franks are ok...no protiens at night...no veg patties and paneer sandwiches from foodie at office
2) Yoga - i hope i remember - yeah nothing like it to pull your tummy in
3) Stretch exercises - thrice a weeks enough
4) Walking on weekends - now where in delhi will I do this? lets see..
5) Drink- maybe once in the next 31 days
6) Dance - lets see where can I accommodate it.
7) The spa - well this ones easy and lovely
8) discipline - well haven't cracked this one till date...but I guess sleep early so that I can get up early...and exercise and cook....so no blogging so late...will leave laptop at office...

I guess its also about the right balance of the mind and body...so maybe a bit of meditation. To add to this....the training program completely shook me....made me realise some behavioral patterns I wasn't aware about. A woman ( am chucking the girl terminology out of the window) whose motivator was always people..and being a catalyst to their lives...i learned has become a recluse in a shell. Now now all that needs to change. Thats the power of knowing...once you identify the problem, you know how to solve it.

Its crazy how incidents of the past have affected our unconscious minds and we do not realize the change. I also hear that if you behave in a certain way...your beliefs change. For example if you portray aggression for a long time...even if thats not your personal nature...your belief that aggression is the way to make things happen strengthens and you do it unconsciously...and you do become aggressive...and vice versa. The trick is to be aware of your behavior.

Now I am sounding like an obsessed maniac...but thats the way you need to be to achieve i think...cheers to love and life! Will keep you posted on the progress.

Of conditioning and being a woman - 1

A topic close to my heart. Being one who usually does not believe too much in divisions of society and to some extent rules created by mankind, I do acknowledge the presence of different value and belief systems and am usually willing to live and let live peacefully. However a news item triggered me to write on a topic I usually do not pick up because I think I may be a part of a minuscule minority who believe in it.

Lets face it..we are born with a clean slate...but we have all lived amidst society and have unconsciously picked up various conditionings which we do not even realize we have.

Though the trigger could be delhi govt's desire to ban women from choosing exciting careers like bartending...which I think is as non progressive in thought as a govt can get, but I have experienced more hard hitting or may be heart rendering examples of this in men and women we meet every day.

It could be an Business Head who casually says" Women are not as serious as men, is what I have observed in the team as men tend to stay back late at work" or an HR Head saying " Lets not hire this person, we should look at people who are married and settled with kids in life - they are usually more stable" It could also be a career woman saying - " what has this person done with her life? she is miserable taking care of kids at home and thats her entire life"

There are zillions of similar examples which lead me to believe that the freedom of choice and freedom to make decisions is often not taken by individuals and also not respected by people at large.

It is no wonder that given the conditioning carried by most and more prevalent and dangerous when carried by people in powerful positions which could even be a boss or a parent, lead people to often concede and make short cuts in life. When the fact is that the real growing up of an individual happens when faced with either failures or situations of pain.

I have often observed my own reaction to situations and have been amazed how my emotions or my actions have been governed by conditioning - eg - I usually say - "My spatial orientation is all wonky so driving may be a problem" when the truth is I remember when I bought my car and used to dream to learn how to drive it...i remember my vivid imagination of thinking that the car was just and extension of me and the way to maneuver it was dependent on the thought in my mind. I used to imagine being one with the car...which is what happened once i got used to driving...The fact is that for that last 3 years I have been driving 10 minutes a day on an average so as a result of such less practice, may not be as good at it as if I had stayed back in Mumbai and driven 3 hrs a day...but atleast 5 men and me including 3-4 women have concluded in various conversations that a woman can never drive as well as a man. Ridiculous if you ask me now.

I wonder how many more such conditionings' reside within me...The car one is mostly harmless...but others could be dangerous. I hope to take each one of them evaluate it and then dump it in the garbage can where it belongs if found half - baked.

different sides

A human body is so complex and yet so precisely created that it only leaves me in wonder. If i look at the human mind which governs our behavior, the explanation to all variables that affect it is just unimaginable. Its obviously our intelligence and emotions coupled with external influences which lead us to behave in a certain way at that moment.

I have observed the most intelligent person behave completely irrationally in a state of frenzy or for a better word when emotionally charged. I have also seen the fairest of human beings acting in the most disdainful and corrupt manner when helpless because of maybe inability to act or insecurity or just maybe to please society. I have also believed in the phrase that its in times of trouble when you really see where your soul has been feeding. I am not so sure about that now.

Is it possible to be fair always? Is it possible to be rational always? Is it possible to be understanding always? If you do i think one just pushes negative emotions under the carpet which are bound to explode at some time.

Its true that when you have an overdose of wisdom or good, you just become allergic to it. An example could be the art of living mails I receive about wisdom. I am just not able to read them now-a-days when at some point they gave me a lot of things to think about. I have seen myself being perceived an angel by one friend but being perceived as a devil by another because of maybe action or inaction. Some I take for granted, some I never do even after years of knowing them. For some I am around whenever and for some I may not be there even when needed. Some I am at ease talking about my most intricate secrets with and some will not know me even after years.

I am left baffled by the various shades of an individual. I increasingly believe now that one must look at themselves in total isolation without letting any external factor affect what they think about themselves. Mind it, this is not an easy task. Today at work I saw myself agreeing with two completely opposite views on an incident within an hour. Am I just being diplomatic or am I finally letting go of some beliefs which I may be holding onto stubbornly.

If I look at the people I have known for the longest in my life, its my parents and siblings. I have seen myself being the best daughter as well as being a prodigal one. To be true its never my intention to hurt. I have seen myself behave very sensitively to one sibling and very indifferent to another. Am baffled at myself many a times.

If I see a pattern underlying my behavior, I think its the love coupled with admiration or respect for ones intelligence or the bravery in actions which segregates one from the other. Love without respect or admiration which needs to be fed is hollow and will die soon i feel. There are friends who I am initially very fond of but later discover that I have no feelings for and mind you this is not done consciously. It just falls out. There are some friends who even after years i never tire or am totally charged up for.

I think the difference is in being honest. Its easy to fake but its not sustainable in the long run...who you thought as the perfect friend or daughter may not be so all the time, and thats being honest. I would any day prefer a friend who says what they mean even if they are being completely foolish then one who smiles and agrees with you all the time faking it or probably not realizing they are faking it.

Lately someone who is a good friend has been behaving completely irrationally and stubbornly. Its surprising how I still feel good about having the person as a friend for the honesty in behavior. I aspire to be a person who is completely honest as well to people I love and respect :) Amen

P.S. - Its necessary to fake it with people who you dont!!! Now I think this is completely opposite to the belief I always held onto about being honest always...does not work and may not be needed...esp in the corporate world. The transition from being in a small company to a big one is difficult but necessary.

A reflecting mind

Its been a long time...since I have reflected. Am confused....some questions and the answers keep changing...

Who am I? A daughter, a sister, a mausi, a friend, a cousin, an employee or a boss? I have no problem in everyday life...I seem to wear these hats almost perfectly, yet am confused whether I am doing justice to any of them...without a realization of who is this person that is me. I got some cues though.

Where is my home? I have built a small world around me...tailored to my needs..but it feels as if I am at a station in the the journey of life.Is there really a bridge across forever or will these questions keep occurring all along till the day i die.

What do i want? Fleeting glimpses of dreams I have, yet conviction I seem to lack. Every thresh hold I cross, there is still a yearning desire for something that I have been missing. Certainty?

Not one to have known fear too closely, not one to have had any problems with uncertainty, not one who could ever be accused of playing it safe...Someones being taking care of me very dearly...I feel that hand's being lifted...I smell the intoxicating smell of the unknown...I feel that someones clearly telling me that I have it now, I kinda know it now and that I am on my own. Its like a parent who has brought up the child and the child has now moved to discover the big beautiful world on her own. Strangely its now when that hand seems to have hidden itself...whose hand was this? That kind old man on a rocking chair who we call god?

Who am I is a highly misleading question...i feel...a better one would be why am I here? I feel forming opinions of yourself is as bad as forming opinions about others.

Why am I here? The closest i can get to an answer is....to act as a catalyst for the lives that I touch.

Conspiracy theory

I first heard it in the alchemist. Magic thats what it bought into my life, I think it was 7 years ago, but no thats not where the story starts.

Some 12 years ago, just when I needed it a seagull called Johnathan flew in with perfection and I got it in an instant. No my dreams were not stupid. If it weren't for the seagull who refused to live only to catch fish and eat, I might have lived a life less fulfilling then what I did. Fly Fly high he said even if you might not make it, even if your wings are tired and everyone else around you says this is not what you should waste your time on. And it paid off didn't it. The point is even if it didn't, it was an awesome flight and it would be an awesome death.

The journey has been full of illusions, thoughts about parallel lifetimes and dreams about the bridge across forever.

However the questions and the cracks in the philosophy were plain to see, much as I tried to ignore it. It persisted. What was the missing link?

Santiago bought a revelation into my life. Was there something I was missing? His realization that he did have a dream, not really sure of what it was made him start out on a journey of experiences and discovery. The universe, he was told, conspires to make things happen, so just listen to the earth and feel the soul of the world and keep moving. Listen to the signs..... Indeed a magical journey of chance meetings and realizations. A patient journey of discovery, procrastination and a will to drift on. And on the way he found his dream. A cloud just knows he has to move in this direction, he may not know why...however the skies know and if you can rise above...so will you.

Why have I stopped? Its not as if you need to know your dream to journey on...do I really look for signs now? I have made enough to buy my two flocks of sheep...why am I still in the crystal shop? Am I becoming a part of the herd who catches fish to eat or who catches fish because thats what he has done and knows?...I don't think so yet.

A cry from the soul to the universe...conspire for my journey....conspire for my dream. The heart I know and listen to with utmost clarity...am waiting for the omens.

The Man in the mirror

One of the best songs ever written... How often do we look at ourselves in the mirror, how often have we seen the angel and the devil in us. Have we been able to accept both of them?

I have a few theories on peace -

a) The ability to dissociate yourself from a situation, feeling, thought etc.,.works till the time something out of the way comes around and you are back to square one. Its true problems in our lives are never the ones that we constantly worry about..but hit us at 4.00pm one fine day out of the blue...and there goes the peace.

b) The feeling after meditating...when you have been silent for hours...when all your energies are in a uniform flow and coincide with the cosmic energy..yeah I have felt it...till the time you dont have enough time to practice meditation and yet again you are back from where you started.

c) Yeah when things happen your way..you get the promotion or when someone has been very loving towards you..or when you go on that one holiday and stand alongside nature and experience the peace around you....well I think times when you are very happy are the same as times when you are very sad and your activity or the haze in your mind are exactly the same..just two sides of different coins...

Then where will one get long lasting peace which is unfazed by circumstances, environment, people, thoughts and feelings? Does such a thing exist?

I believe if I look at the person in the mirror and at any point of time am able to look her in the eye and said baby you did the best you could, based on the values you know and what you thought is the right thing to do...this will give you peace in moments that you need it the most. The others could just be a little difficult to sustain.

So I am starting with the Man in the mirror
and I am asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place to live
You look at yourself and make a change!!!

Gut or Desire?

We have all experienced unexplainable miracles in life.

Were you talking about someone and see that precisely then you get a call?
Were you planning to break up with someone and see that he called you just then...E.S.P.N. its like electromagnetic waves which are picked up by two people connected.

I have constantly believed in making decisions based on pure gut in life. There are times when you just know it will work out...be it a job related decision or a personal one..and then there are times when you know it will not, but as you desire it...you pretend that your gut says it will.

Is there a way to know the difference between a desire and a feeling that comes from almost no where? More questions...less answers.

I guess one can safely say that if you want something constantly its a desire, but just when you wake up...a fleeting moment of knowing tells you what will happen. These instincts come from nowhere usually on the stealth mode...but are loud and clear for you to pick up.

The world has crashed around you...are you sure?

How many times in life have we felt the world has crashed around you?

Be it a great job which you had to leave for reasons beyond your control like a maniac of a boss or a partner you cant have because you or he did not realize the significance of what you shared or that you'll did not stand up against external factors.

But did the world really crash? Did anything untoward happen? If I reflect over the years...all that happened in the past, all the choices that i made or all the choices that were made even if i was not convinced or agreed with them have led me to be in the place that I am right now and be the person that I am. If I am able to look in the mirror and say I am contented with myself and happy the way things are now...there is no reason to even wonder that choices were incorrect. It was just me who didnt have the farsightedness to see what I was going to be.

Then the other question is...should one be averse to let things happen now based on experiences of the past? If we are, arent we affecting the person that we are going to become in the future. So if you dont get the feeling that the world has crashed around you..maybe once a year...is that a indication of the fact that you are preventing yourself from being who you really can be.

It is said pain is a happening, but suffering is a choice. We can feel pain but we need not suffer.

Fragile Relationships

I once read a great man say radiate who you are. Words only create noise, they dont help in solving any problem or misunderstanding.

Which makes me think, in friendships, relationships with friends, family, loved ones....events good or bad, words said in anger, frustration, love etc are not important. When someone says I love you or I hate you, does it hold any importance? But in a sad moment when a colleague walks up and says...you dont look so good...come lets have coffee..isnt that a moment which is divine?

If i am friends with anyone for years, does an event in our life whether good or bad have the ability to shake that relationship? If it does maybe the premise was wrong or maybe you were wrong...wrong either in action, thought or speech. But is it important?

Do we as humans have the sensitivity and the intelligence to pick up the reason behind a wrong thought, action or speech?

In every event of misunderstanding with my friends and colleagues, I have always questioned if I got it wrong, or was it me, or if someone behaves in a manner not acceptable, what was the cause of that action. Several times I have concluded its my ignorance, and several times its the others. But is ignorance a good enough reason to dislike people?

In the larger spectrum of life..a person is so much bigger than events that have happened or an action that he has performed.

If I look at the universe and compare it with earth...a tiny dust particle in it and then delhi a tiny tiny city on that dust particle and me one of the millions living in it...does an event that has happened to me or anyone hold any significance? Looking it from that angle..the significance is minuscule, yet it becomes the most significant thought in our minds.

If we have been given the ability to comprehend the vastness of the universe...we have also been given the ability to comprehend the insignificance of events and words, yet our mind clings to the smallest thought giving it more importance then required.

I do believe that humans are not their thoughts, their feelings or their body...every human is that little point in himself that doesnt change. That self thats just the same whether you were a child or a grown human being...all people that come into your life, all events that have happened...have happened because you have drawn it. That sub conscious mind that works beyond what the conscious mind can comprehend works in conjunction with the cosmic energy has drawn them in our lives. The most powerful tool that our conscious mind has is sensitivity and rationality.

Till we realise the truth we need to make ourselves so sensitive that we pick up the reason behind someones actions and words and we also need to become rational enough to realise the insignificance of it in the larger picture of the life and the universe and then drop it!

What should you do in life?

Last night at I saw a movie called vertical limit- Its about mountaineering and expidetions. A brother and sister who survived an accident, but their dad did not. How the two of them went apart after the tragedy, one becomes a national geographic photographer and one still is a climber and how life puts them in a similar situation and forces them to get over the past and start a beautiful present. A beautiful movie, makes me wonder what must one do in life.

I have been trekking at 18000 feet, hence I know what how impossible 26000 is. The ability to survive in 70% less oxygen and climb icy rocks seems like a super human effort. But the fact is that we are capable fo it and thats the power of the mind. The power of the human mind is something that we all just ignore, even when we have seen glimpses of it in our life time and again.

In my last trip to the Himalayas, I met a Nepali who had just moved to ladakh 5 months back. He said in his first trip, he was out of breath all the time, till his 6th...he became an expert. He ran 2 hrs ahead of all of us all the time. Another couple i met really made me wonder what i wanted in life. A brazilian couple come to India to conquer the rocky nubra valley over 5 days with 1 liter of petrol to cook, 5 liters of water to drink and backpacks, in which they were carrying all the equipment they needed in 5 days - tents, blankets, clothes...etc. It took them 6 days, the food was over on day 5..the day 6 was the toughest part, in which they lost their way...the end was just in sight...but there was no way of crossing the river to reach it...so they had to go back and climb two more mountains and then come to where we were.
The absolute tired look and the the feeling of satisfaction, I saw in their face, is something I have seen only a couple of times in my life.

I truly belive that when one is doing something, he should be the best at it or instead of relativity, he should be able to put his best in it. When one puts his absolute best in the work/ activity he does, it automatically becomes inspiring to all.

We go thorugh our lives coming to office at 9.30am and leaving at 7.00pm every day. Have we ever really felt satisfied. I have when some impossible target has been met, but the joy was not something I could share with bosses, as then it was about competition and comparisons, which only promote the rat race, which in the end of a race, whether i win or lose, i am just a rat. I could share the joy with a couple of my team mates as it was never the competitiveness that drove them.

Does competition motivate or does it prevent you from doing your best. At the first level, i think you can motivate through competition, but if you go a level deeper, i think it prevents anyone from giving their best performance. I also think by going a level deeper, you truly get out world class employees and work.

When I look back at any success in my life...one of which was climbing 18000 ft in icy terrain...the feeling of reaching the pass at top...was just about me and the mountains. When I got a 99/100 in mathematics in class X, it was just about me and my dad. Never have i compared my performance with another human, but yes I have constantly strived to prove to myself that I can be better at what i am doing.The feeling at the end of a task always tells me how have I performed.

In life i think its very important to constantly find opportunities of what you think is beyond your potential. The life I lead now, does this exist?. Which brings me back to the question....what should one do in life. Lead a life by the rules...and keep working 9-7 or .....

Reasonable doubt

Being a big fan of "The Practice", I have often wondered about how we can use the concept of reasonable doubt in life!!!!

I think the best practitioner of this is my COO. He always doubts the faults in people and trusts the strengths. What a way of doing work!!! there you have a organisation of not the best, but yes the most motivated group of people who think they are the best..and the company keeps growing.

If all of us would give the verdict of not guilty if there was reasonable doubt in the crime that a person does, wouldent the world be a much better place to live in.

I have often observed that it is so easy to believe that a person doesnt like you...and if he says he does...you keep questioning it...do you really?
If only we doubt the negative and just believe the positive...this would be a different world.

A girl friend last week told me about a guy...who hit on both two women with exactly the same lines...the guy is good friend of mine..and in a second we both agreed that he was a fraud. But the fact is, he could have liked me earlier and now likes her, which is why he used the same lines which worked with women he hit on earlier. Isnt that ok for a guy to do. Yeah he isnt very deep...but it doesnt make him shallow...just non creative.

I remember I used to be like that in school...trust till proven non trust worthy...yes there were tears, there was a lot of short lived pain, but there was more love and fun then I experienced in a long time now.

Is life scattered or does it have a pattern?

Its funny how you find yourself standing on the edge of the cliff, time and again in life. I do think I can be accused of running from safety. Is that the best way to live, would'nt it just be better following protocol and adhering to what people say you must do. It would certainly be easier.

Being surrounded by people who want to be exactly like a boss, a movie star, or just like the other guy everyone else is looking upto.
Do we really know enuf of anyone to look upto them? Be it Gandhi, Kennedy or even when it comes to hating hitler.

Like they say, alls well when nothing goes wrong...but when things do go wrong...thats when your world crashes dowm. When your car is stolen, the insurance companies and the police are tough to handle, when targets dont happen..the boss and company is tough to handle, when you make a choice from your heart, the world is tough to handle.
Adhering and obedience is such a part of our up bringing that when it comes to being original..it becomes and adverse situation in life, like the ones mentioned earlier.

If you notice, there are patterns that keep repeating in your life..at work, in relationships, friendships,...in two radically different situations..there is a pattern. A professor once told me, if there is a pattern that keeps repeating in your life, there is a lesson you have not learnt, the moment you learn it, the pattern disappears. It stayed with me and i kept looking for the lessons...but i can safely say now that patterns are the law of nature...it will happen.

Lessons..i guess lifes best moments have happened completely unexpectedly, so you need not beat yourself up on learning life's lessons they come to you like the smell of Chanel No. 5 when you are able to locate it in a store in India and try it on!