We all live under the same sun

Yes we all live under the same sun..

Its a wonder how we are so quick to point out someone else's fault. We have our own agendas, this may or may not match with the others around us. This often leads to confusion and conflict. The fact in any conflict is that the two people do not see eye to eye and this may lead to a blame game.

The fact also is that we are all trying and trying hard to work on our agenda towards our own goal. In the corporate world, if the goals are pre defined, it often solves a lot of issues. But in the absence, ambiguity prevails and leads to chaos.

In a training program, a nice old man called Zayed Ganjee asked us..How much do you know the people you work with? We were too quick to say quite well...but do we really see each other? Do we know what are the challenges faced by our own colleagues?

To know a person, its important to spend some time in listening to another person. Yet we often dont have time to. How are we different now than we were at college? With not much other than studies and exams on our minds, we had a lot of time where we heard each other out. We knew what our friends were going through. We helped them crack that econometrics paper they were struggling with. Do we do this now? Yes we do it with our teams, but isnt it necessary to do it others without an agenda in our mind as well?

Life was so beautiful when we spent time with each other and really helped another. As we grow, we also become judgemental, this often is limited by our own perceptions and this prevents us from forming real relationships. It is true that there are people and there always will be people who out of insecurity, knowingly or unknowingly, will harm you. But in the larger scale of things this evens out. Knowing this why cant being aware of the harm the other person is trying to do, just rise above and let it go. Its easy and necessary to do.

I have often thought of myself as a very simple person, whose needs can be met by just a little of what life has to offer. I aspire to lead a simple life near a beach running a small business which sustains itself and me & my family. Meeting interesting travelers and listening to their stories..but that doesnt mean I will not meet all kinds of folks..there will be feathers ruffled even then...the fact is that the key is to rise above and see why a person is behaving the way he or she is and then letting it go. This comes only with a lot of sensitivity and belief in oneself because in the end we are all here on a journey which will end someday. Lets make the most of it and be as adventurous as we can..there is so much to see in this beautiful world. Who really has the time to ponder on another's motive. Life seems unfair at times, but in the long run it all evens out for everyone.

Cheers folks to all of your lives and mine..the celebration will carry on!

Imprisoned....

Another year gone by and I maintain status quo....
for how long I wonder will this continue..

I yearn for a more simple life
I yearn to be more in touch with my surroundings and people
I yearn for interesting company
I yearn to learn from their varied experiences

I am scared that I might have turned out to be exactly what i was afraid of.
I need to jump from the cliff to fly....
what stops me is not the depth
but the imaginary chains that have clasped me
not just my body but my mind....

I need to break free...to save my soul...

Not so smart!!

I think I have had a wonderful life. Its been a life full of extreme experiences, thrills, great times, not so great times. As I sit and reflect now...I believe I have always come out of it on the top. I made tonnes of mistakes and learn t, and that is learnt real fast.

Have you made huge statements like - phew now that that is over, I think I can handle anything that comes my way. I am smart and knowledgeable and (eer...) invincible, so nothing can go wrong. Well have you also smiled at that later thinking how naive you were. Trust me and my over bearing self, I have oft thought it that way and laughed at my self later.

For my lifetime or whatever recollection I have of it, I have always thought about how every individual in a relationship - could be with friends, siblings, parents and most of all spouses should all have independent lives. Parents must not interfere too much in their childrens affairs and vice versa, a husband and a wife must also (not only) have their own group of friends and also go out with them independently.

I had the opportunity to interact with some beautiful souls. These guys are people who are fighting hard to get over some addiction. In my books they are not much different from those successful guys who own billion dollar companies..trust me when I say this..there is that element which is unknown which makes the world go around I guess thats responsible...not just for your failures, but also for your success.

Now when u are fighting to give up alcohol or drugs...its easy to slip. Its that 30 seconds which if you can control, the urge vanishes and you can be clean afterwards...Its just that 30 seconds which makes all the difference and the stakes here are large.

Folks we all have to learn this about life and I must say I need to keep this lesson in mind. Its just that 30 seconds to control that urge to say something mean or hurtful, its just that 30 seconds to not eat that lovely scrumptious looking doughnut, and its just that 30 seconds for you to control your anger which is usually mis guided anyways.

Late one night while watching a football match, I ate 2 scoops of ice cream, trust me...i needn't have and somewhere didnt want to...but the urge!!! Its this urge that I am talking about.

I may go a step ahead and say...we all get numerous thoughts in our head...positive as well as negative thoughts, some make you think that you have lost it. Folks...I think its our mind and the effort it makes that is the problem, it tries to fight against those negative thoughts. A thought is a thought...if we just let it come and go...its gone...whats the big deal. Its just when we attribute some 10,000 other thoughts to it...does it persist.

You know..you may have all the knowledge in the world, yet that fact is that you slip. I did...and I am not as smart as I thought I was.

you maybe right...

The one thing that I am extremely passionate about is individuality and space. As i stare out in the dark night, I wonder...am i losing it?

I think a couple of months in a life of 70-80 years is irrelevant and does not define you by any standards so not much is lost. But yes you do need reminders, kicks from people around you if they suspect you are not being you.

Another secret I think about life is that there are phases, ups and downs at work and in life in general. The ups are great...but what do you do when things are down?

I suggest be by yourself, maintain a low profile...work on what you like doing...could be blogging, reading, meditating, going on a vacation alone, staying alone at home and listening to your kind of music, pursuing a hobby, spending time with family...whatever it is that helps you reconnect with your self.

The self has tremendous power...its true you can make things happen...all you need is to reconnect with yourself to understand whats happening around you and in a second things change.

We all at times loose the connection - you need to repair it and live on.

Now thats the easy part - the tougher is actually understanding why you lost that connection. A loss in connection I guess happens when you get too busy at times at work, at times thinking about others, at times by just spending too much time on non constrictive thoughts. It may also happen because of conditioning - a change in life and you do not know how conditioning and past experiences have worked on your subconscious mind and you behave as you must and not maybe not as you want to.

What is important is to realize....work upon it and there you are as good as new.. or should I say as good as your old self ;)

Straight from the heart

Its been 7 years.

However it doesn't feel too long yet. I wonder now if its time to move on. At times you are stuck in situations which are nobody's fault, yet they occur. The feeling of being a stranger, or being distrusted, or being in the midst of folks you gotto live with but are totally unlike you and all because you are hanging on to a memory of past happiness and satisfaction seems foolish.

We had the same dreams, the same goals, we totally believed and trusted each other, yet cracks appeared. Some faults were mine and some were not.

At times to grow you need to leave the familiar behind and explore unchartered waters, push yourself to the edge to the cliff to fly. Its necessary to do...yet you leave a lot behind. A tough choice...and the only person who will be affected is me.

Money Talks

I feel fear. It was an alien concept to me. Yet I feel fear now.

I really ought to think of whats the worst that can go wrong..? My car could get stolen, my bosses could get non supportive and dis believing, my house could get robbed, all my savings could vanish as the stock market could reach 12000 points. (not far from reality). It could also be all of the above as I have observed thats the way life works. When you get, you usually get more than required and when u lose, it could be everything.

Another point of deep thought of all of the above is that it is all related to money!

How did I start thinking so much about money. This slowly creeped up from nowhere maybe a couple of years back when my company went in for an IPO. How peaceful was it when I didnt have any money...just getting a little bit of it gives it an opportunity to control me.

Is anything really the worst thing that could happen? If my savings vanish or the markets touch 10,000 points or I lose my job...will it not be a blessing in disguise. Warren Buffet became the richest man in the world - he says when markets get jittery, maintain your cool, have a long term vision, look for buying opportunities. Another colleague says pray you can be solvent before the markets revive...which never usually happens.

As i take a rain check of what I think - though intellectually I agree with Warren Buffet, I think it could be a blessing in disguise and more than that I think I am just gonna chuck it...so what if you lose some savings in the short term or so what if you chuck a non cooperative job...the universe always has something in store for you.

The intention theory

I was at dinner at this awesome Chinese joint in Bandra (forgive me for forgetting the name...but it is worth mentioning as the food was really awesome) with family and some one casually mentioned the words...' yes thats the intention theory'....a lovely term for this blog.

For the past few years...these thoughts have repeatedly come to my mind. The surprising thing is that recently wherever I go...there is a mention of it. It magically comes up and gets affirmed by way of a book i read or someone else having experienced it or just talking about it. Signs the universe is giving I guess.

But yes...its rather miraculous...if you really want something...all you need to do is wish for it.

Ok this is my take on what some of us might have experienced....Its crazy how we humans do not at most times really know what we wish for. There is a disagreement between our conscious mind and our inner self on what we really want. Since we only realize what our conscious mind is saying and its usually cluttered by an overload of information - conditioning, society do's and don'ts, family/friends/colleagues and their thoughts etc etc...we feel that this is what we want when we do not really want it. And when we don't get what we think we want...we get into this entire circle of despair at various levels. We miss the point that the inner self really did not want it...so has created circumstances ,which the conscious mind is unable to comprehend, which ensures that we do not get it.

Well whats the use one might ask. If we think that we want it and we do not get it and have to go through despair...whats the use of the entire wishing business.

:) All I can say is that if you have not got the point...too bad. A clue I can give is focus on the inner self..get to know it...and you will get whatever it is that you truly have wished for...whether it is a billion dollars or a beach house on an exotic island...or maybe you want to be that one person who makes a difference to a million lives....

I lately have put a number to the amount of money I want by 2010...I now have a sneaky feeling that this wish may be corroded by friends I interact with daily(hopefully not)....I think I need to know what is it that I wish for...what is it that I am going to definitely get.....a paradox is'nt it ;)

The next step

Folks...its a funny feeling, open questions which I was struggling for years got answered and the ease is what amazes me. Like a great man said...if you have a question that you are unable to find answers for stay with it...it will come to you. Patience is the greatest virtue I tell you.

You may ask..what questions are these..which were so critical that I looked for answers for years?...well the wonder is that if you ask me I do not even remember..knowledge gained assimilates in your life like the air you breathe....you are not even conscious that its there...but you do feel uplifted.

And you know what else have I realized...that the same questions if asked to me by someone else...I would be clueless as to what should I say...and even if I attempt an answer, it would be quite meaningless to the person asking. I don't think I would even want to answer. Everyone finds their own answers...you can only be a catalyst and I have realized you are usually a catalyst when you don't intend to be one. Just be yourself...full stop. Who ever wants to pick up whatever from the person you are will do so without you trying to explain it.

Well now what one might wonder...if you ask me...I do not have a clue. The search continues...and this time it would be for better ways to celebrate life. Questions like the purpose of my life, I am in no hurry to know.

Of conditioning and being a woman - 1

A topic close to my heart. Being one who usually does not believe too much in divisions of society and to some extent rules created by mankind, I do acknowledge the presence of different value and belief systems and am usually willing to live and let live peacefully. However a news item triggered me to write on a topic I usually do not pick up because I think I may be a part of a minuscule minority who believe in it.

Lets face it..we are born with a clean slate...but we have all lived amidst society and have unconsciously picked up various conditionings which we do not even realize we have.

Though the trigger could be delhi govt's desire to ban women from choosing exciting careers like bartending...which I think is as non progressive in thought as a govt can get, but I have experienced more hard hitting or may be heart rendering examples of this in men and women we meet every day.

It could be an Business Head who casually says" Women are not as serious as men, is what I have observed in the team as men tend to stay back late at work" or an HR Head saying " Lets not hire this person, we should look at people who are married and settled with kids in life - they are usually more stable" It could also be a career woman saying - " what has this person done with her life? she is miserable taking care of kids at home and thats her entire life"

There are zillions of similar examples which lead me to believe that the freedom of choice and freedom to make decisions is often not taken by individuals and also not respected by people at large.

It is no wonder that given the conditioning carried by most and more prevalent and dangerous when carried by people in powerful positions which could even be a boss or a parent, lead people to often concede and make short cuts in life. When the fact is that the real growing up of an individual happens when faced with either failures or situations of pain.

I have often observed my own reaction to situations and have been amazed how my emotions or my actions have been governed by conditioning - eg - I usually say - "My spatial orientation is all wonky so driving may be a problem" when the truth is I remember when I bought my car and used to dream to learn how to drive it...i remember my vivid imagination of thinking that the car was just and extension of me and the way to maneuver it was dependent on the thought in my mind. I used to imagine being one with the car...which is what happened once i got used to driving...The fact is that for that last 3 years I have been driving 10 minutes a day on an average so as a result of such less practice, may not be as good at it as if I had stayed back in Mumbai and driven 3 hrs a day...but atleast 5 men and me including 3-4 women have concluded in various conversations that a woman can never drive as well as a man. Ridiculous if you ask me now.

I wonder how many more such conditionings' reside within me...The car one is mostly harmless...but others could be dangerous. I hope to take each one of them evaluate it and then dump it in the garbage can where it belongs if found half - baked.

there is light in the end

Its been a while I had almost forgotten
We live in this world in isolation
The heart is heavy..why i dont know
the head will be high, events come and go

Of my closest people and of me
I need to beware
Have oft found myself alone
when i most needed them there

Its not me to lament, so I smile it away
I look in the mirror and see the person there
A moment of true happiness as I look into my soul
the head will be high, events come and go

with a tear and a smile I bid you goodnight
a hope that tomorrow my heart will be light

different sides

A human body is so complex and yet so precisely created that it only leaves me in wonder. If i look at the human mind which governs our behavior, the explanation to all variables that affect it is just unimaginable. Its obviously our intelligence and emotions coupled with external influences which lead us to behave in a certain way at that moment.

I have observed the most intelligent person behave completely irrationally in a state of frenzy or for a better word when emotionally charged. I have also seen the fairest of human beings acting in the most disdainful and corrupt manner when helpless because of maybe inability to act or insecurity or just maybe to please society. I have also believed in the phrase that its in times of trouble when you really see where your soul has been feeding. I am not so sure about that now.

Is it possible to be fair always? Is it possible to be rational always? Is it possible to be understanding always? If you do i think one just pushes negative emotions under the carpet which are bound to explode at some time.

Its true that when you have an overdose of wisdom or good, you just become allergic to it. An example could be the art of living mails I receive about wisdom. I am just not able to read them now-a-days when at some point they gave me a lot of things to think about. I have seen myself being perceived an angel by one friend but being perceived as a devil by another because of maybe action or inaction. Some I take for granted, some I never do even after years of knowing them. For some I am around whenever and for some I may not be there even when needed. Some I am at ease talking about my most intricate secrets with and some will not know me even after years.

I am left baffled by the various shades of an individual. I increasingly believe now that one must look at themselves in total isolation without letting any external factor affect what they think about themselves. Mind it, this is not an easy task. Today at work I saw myself agreeing with two completely opposite views on an incident within an hour. Am I just being diplomatic or am I finally letting go of some beliefs which I may be holding onto stubbornly.

If I look at the people I have known for the longest in my life, its my parents and siblings. I have seen myself being the best daughter as well as being a prodigal one. To be true its never my intention to hurt. I have seen myself behave very sensitively to one sibling and very indifferent to another. Am baffled at myself many a times.

If I see a pattern underlying my behavior, I think its the love coupled with admiration or respect for ones intelligence or the bravery in actions which segregates one from the other. Love without respect or admiration which needs to be fed is hollow and will die soon i feel. There are friends who I am initially very fond of but later discover that I have no feelings for and mind you this is not done consciously. It just falls out. There are some friends who even after years i never tire or am totally charged up for.

I think the difference is in being honest. Its easy to fake but its not sustainable in the long run...who you thought as the perfect friend or daughter may not be so all the time, and thats being honest. I would any day prefer a friend who says what they mean even if they are being completely foolish then one who smiles and agrees with you all the time faking it or probably not realizing they are faking it.

Lately someone who is a good friend has been behaving completely irrationally and stubbornly. Its surprising how I still feel good about having the person as a friend for the honesty in behavior. I aspire to be a person who is completely honest as well to people I love and respect :) Amen

P.S. - Its necessary to fake it with people who you dont!!! Now I think this is completely opposite to the belief I always held onto about being honest always...does not work and may not be needed...esp in the corporate world. The transition from being in a small company to a big one is difficult but necessary.

Of scrabble and life

I recount some things which I loved and lost touch with. From sports practice to carom to scrabble to old english war movies.

The thing with not living in one place for too long is that many a times you find that you don't have friends around for long. Yes you tend to make new ones easily, but there goes the baddy you used to play every evening for hours or the 2 hr morning walks on holidays or the parties on weekends you got used to or the heated philosophical discussions between all of us who thought we are all new age guru's. Its a whole new adaptation to a different set of folks, people and friends.

A classic debate goes on in my mind...what is better? One hometown for long or lots of towns for a couple of years. Every place has a distinctive characteristic to it which influences your individuality. Often inadvertently.

Bhatinda cantt was all of riverdale, not more and definitely not less. It was about family and libraries, friends, grammys and oscars, summer camps, baddy, swimming and afternoon movie sessions.

Indore was about poha and banjo's and college for the first time and all that goes with it. Choral and I think this was when I was introduced to kishore and RD burman. I do think if I would not have met the set of friends i did in Indore, all the old Hindi music would have been been alien to me still.

Every new city has a different flavor. Pune then was quaint and family like. The bakeries of Koregoan were to die for, the burgers at Jaws were the best I have tasted, the parties, the cutting thela chai, the lovely weather...

Mumbai happened in two parts. One was about living as a kid and the other just work. The feel of independence and survival of the city was addictive. The vada pavs, the smell of the sea, bandstand, the ancient buildings in town, yokos, the US club view, navy nagar and the olympic size pool, the short weekend trips to nearby places, plays at prithvi. But Mumbai was about making a career, the clients and the BD calls, the team and the success was great.

Delhi..the roads and the greenery bang in the heart of the city, lodhi road and all the roads around India gate, its about parathas and biryanis I guess.

Its en richening to stay in many places for the exposure, yet you need to have a brave heart to do so I realize or be a foolish dreamer in your own dreamworld. Fiction at times is more real than real life and to survive on your own fiction seems to be mandatory. You often feel like a stranger in a strange land. You often do not have anything to do yet you dream of traveling near and far. It just gets harder finding people like yourself to do all the fun stuff with. You treasure it when you do.

Life seems to ask me questions now...and I seem nervously to give it answers. I cross my fingers till either of us decide to take a full circle again.

The world has crashed around you...are you sure?

How many times in life have we felt the world has crashed around you?

Be it a great job which you had to leave for reasons beyond your control like a maniac of a boss or a partner you cant have because you or he did not realize the significance of what you shared or that you'll did not stand up against external factors.

But did the world really crash? Did anything untoward happen? If I reflect over the years...all that happened in the past, all the choices that i made or all the choices that were made even if i was not convinced or agreed with them have led me to be in the place that I am right now and be the person that I am. If I am able to look in the mirror and say I am contented with myself and happy the way things are now...there is no reason to even wonder that choices were incorrect. It was just me who didnt have the farsightedness to see what I was going to be.

Then the other question is...should one be averse to let things happen now based on experiences of the past? If we are, arent we affecting the person that we are going to become in the future. So if you dont get the feeling that the world has crashed around you..maybe once a year...is that a indication of the fact that you are preventing yourself from being who you really can be.

It is said pain is a happening, but suffering is a choice. We can feel pain but we need not suffer.

Reasonable doubt

Being a big fan of "The Practice", I have often wondered about how we can use the concept of reasonable doubt in life!!!!

I think the best practitioner of this is my COO. He always doubts the faults in people and trusts the strengths. What a way of doing work!!! there you have a organisation of not the best, but yes the most motivated group of people who think they are the best..and the company keeps growing.

If all of us would give the verdict of not guilty if there was reasonable doubt in the crime that a person does, wouldent the world be a much better place to live in.

I have often observed that it is so easy to believe that a person doesnt like you...and if he says he does...you keep questioning it...do you really?
If only we doubt the negative and just believe the positive...this would be a different world.

A girl friend last week told me about a guy...who hit on both two women with exactly the same lines...the guy is good friend of mine..and in a second we both agreed that he was a fraud. But the fact is, he could have liked me earlier and now likes her, which is why he used the same lines which worked with women he hit on earlier. Isnt that ok for a guy to do. Yeah he isnt very deep...but it doesnt make him shallow...just non creative.

I remember I used to be like that in school...trust till proven non trust worthy...yes there were tears, there was a lot of short lived pain, but there was more love and fun then I experienced in a long time now.