A phone call from a friend in one of the leading intellectual institutions in India just confirmed it The similarity of experiences is uncanny. Its been a while since I have been thinking about human behavior in a work place. The only advice I can give myself is baby handle it or bail out.
Not one to quit, however the scales seems to tip towards the whole effort being senseless.
Lately in a training program, the trainer seemed to repeatedly mention me trying to behave like a kid and not showing the world the true woman that I am. It could be a defense mechanism to retain innocence and not change despite blatant events which push you to realizing that being hardened by reality is necessary.
Insecurity and in decisiveness masked by power and abrasive confidence seems to be present in all organizations irrespective of the nature of work. In an academic institution it is about Intellectual property, in a company it is about business orientation. I have a sneaky feeling that its not about leadership at all now. In India where human resource is scarce in any industry, there are bound to be people who are not skilled at what they are supposed to do at any level. This is perfectly alright as I truly believe, sales is not about the product. In sales you gotta learn the technique and not just the product. Product knowledge happens along the way, the skill set is in understanding client requirement and building trust.
Similarly if one is not skilled and has reached senior management soon, the attitude of learning and not masking it is important. Do you have the guts to say, I have no idea, but I shall be the best at it soon? Or can you agree to the fact that you are so confused as you have no clue of what to do in some tasks, yet you will follow your gut and if you don't have that too, you will let your team who does, do it without interrupting or creating hurdles for them?
Sorry folks, this does not happen in real life. Human tendency is to masquerade insecurity. It is a defense mechanism which one may not even realize. Though I must mention that I am not a great believer of this and still would like to maintain that every individual in the end knows the intent behind their actions. The sad part is when these people are in positions of power which is oft the case.
The learning - you have to handle it. Yes you may argue that the joy of working vanishes. Well folks you better find work that gives you joy. The high could be in research, teaching, technology, mentoring, achieving targets, building great products or companies...whatever...but if you have not found what makes you tick, you are bound to not find the whole experience worth it in the end. Maybe the powerful people have no power over you if you actually enjoying what you do.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
an analogy
pic credit - Iyadarus, flickr.com
a distant destination
a long long flight
she joined many flocks
and left them behind
a miraculous pillar
she was so tired
solitude and rest
her soul desired
the sight is limited
the wings are rested
a solitary bird
where should she fly?
stranger in a strange land
Pam realized she had been too pushy...she might have asked for it..she grieved at her fate now. Bill had become cold..and very distant...she suspected he had another woman. The beautiful house and all the money and cars she owned didn't seem enough any more. Her ego could not take Bill's interest in another woman. How did Bill..the fat cowardly man that he was think of having having an affair?
Not that she cared for Bill at all, but it had been a great 14-15 years of having so much of everything. Little did she realize that all expensive clothes, gadgets, jewelery that meant everything to her, gave her little pleasure now. She became violent and slapped Bill in front of her teen aged daughter over nothing. She planned of catching Bill red handed and demanding more than he could give in alimony.
Bill woke up, a happy man. He had lived a cowardly life, working like a dog and hearing abuses from his beautiful society wife. Now he felt free. He had secretly married a woman who loved him. His wife had no clue and he felt love after years and years of being alone, desperately alone. He was scared..a man doesn't get courage from hiding and pretending. He had to tell his secret to someone. His dad, would be hopping mad and might remove him from the family business. He pledged to never tell his dad till he died.
He decided no harm in leading two separate lives.
A foolish man Bill, his absence on weekends and frequent trips did not go unnoticed by anyone in his family. They just didn't think Bill had the guts to do anything..so let it be.
Till one day his brother David found out. David and Kate had been a loving couple and led simple lives amidst all the glamor surrounding them. They had beautiful kids and were in shock..David was supposed to go to a far away land for a year and Kate had no clue what would she do when all hell breaks loose at home. She feared for the health of David's father. Pam's phone calls had become more frequent. She could not bare Pam's harsh words and realized her desperate sorrow. She could not tell Pam what she knew, Pam was capable of murdering all in the family..she had a history of being an abusive woman.
Yet Kate felt guilty. She could not bear the thought of such blatant stupidity and cowardice on Bill's part. She made David talk to Bill to come clean. If it meant divorce...so be it..but leading a life with two wives seemed unthinkable of to her.
What must Kate do...close her eyes and mind her own business like what everyone does? She knows she has always stood up for what she felt right. However neither Pam, nor Bill were close to anyone she would want to stand up for. She only feared for the health of David's father and Pam's kids. David must go away for a year. There is no way he could stay back. Gods timing had been funny.
So readers what would you do if you were a stranger in Kate's strange world?
Not that she cared for Bill at all, but it had been a great 14-15 years of having so much of everything. Little did she realize that all expensive clothes, gadgets, jewelery that meant everything to her, gave her little pleasure now. She became violent and slapped Bill in front of her teen aged daughter over nothing. She planned of catching Bill red handed and demanding more than he could give in alimony.
Bill woke up, a happy man. He had lived a cowardly life, working like a dog and hearing abuses from his beautiful society wife. Now he felt free. He had secretly married a woman who loved him. His wife had no clue and he felt love after years and years of being alone, desperately alone. He was scared..a man doesn't get courage from hiding and pretending. He had to tell his secret to someone. His dad, would be hopping mad and might remove him from the family business. He pledged to never tell his dad till he died.
He decided no harm in leading two separate lives.
A foolish man Bill, his absence on weekends and frequent trips did not go unnoticed by anyone in his family. They just didn't think Bill had the guts to do anything..so let it be.
Till one day his brother David found out. David and Kate had been a loving couple and led simple lives amidst all the glamor surrounding them. They had beautiful kids and were in shock..David was supposed to go to a far away land for a year and Kate had no clue what would she do when all hell breaks loose at home. She feared for the health of David's father. Pam's phone calls had become more frequent. She could not bare Pam's harsh words and realized her desperate sorrow. She could not tell Pam what she knew, Pam was capable of murdering all in the family..she had a history of being an abusive woman.
Yet Kate felt guilty. She could not bear the thought of such blatant stupidity and cowardice on Bill's part. She made David talk to Bill to come clean. If it meant divorce...so be it..but leading a life with two wives seemed unthinkable of to her.
What must Kate do...close her eyes and mind her own business like what everyone does? She knows she has always stood up for what she felt right. However neither Pam, nor Bill were close to anyone she would want to stand up for. She only feared for the health of David's father and Pam's kids. David must go away for a year. There is no way he could stay back. Gods timing had been funny.
So readers what would you do if you were a stranger in Kate's strange world?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
eureka
'Simplicity of character is the natural result of profound thought'
of all the places i got this as my fortune on orkut today. Well am not gonna talk about the product issue of how is this isn't a fortune for now or lets just say i might just not talk at all as it's pretty much like a eureka moment for me.
Me thinks i got some answers with this quote. For all the complicated characters I have met and had mostly meaningless yet passionate discussions with..finally i get some perspective.
And cheers to the concealed intelligence of those so very simple individuals i have met and had the pleasure to interact with.
of all the places i got this as my fortune on orkut today. Well am not gonna talk about the product issue of how is this isn't a fortune for now or lets just say i might just not talk at all as it's pretty much like a eureka moment for me.
Me thinks i got some answers with this quote. For all the complicated characters I have met and had mostly meaningless yet passionate discussions with..finally i get some perspective.
And cheers to the concealed intelligence of those so very simple individuals i have met and had the pleasure to interact with.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Making it work...
The search and the desire to be understood....to be loved for what you are I think is highly misleading.
The question we need to ask ourselves is can we love and can we understand others. There is no wish you have which does not get fulfilled...you might have to work for it...and you might not want it when you get it. But the key is in how you get it...once you reach the destination it becomes irrelevant. How beautiful was the journey determines what you are made of.
Relationships never come readymade. You may love a person, but the relationship need not work out. I did promise to write about this earlier..and here is what I feel.
A parents love...no folks its not that unselfish...a parent gets tremendous joy from their kids when young...they get pride when they grow up and if somewhere the kids go wrong according to what they think is wrong...thats when you see parents still by their kids side which completely touches me. Thats unconditional...
Lovers...now you may love someone..but it need not mean that the relationship will work out. It takes a huge amount of mind and not just heart to make it work. The heart knows it all but does not work for you always. The mind which recognizes why a person is reacting the way he or she is and then the heart is guided to perform the necessary actions with utmost sensitivity.
One of the most satisfying forms of love is what a man and a woman share. why? Well for one there are no obligations to love, there can be none. What could be more fulfilling then knowing that love exists despite of no obligations. Not easy this...at times you may just want to give it up and go the way everyone else does, which is the easy thing to do. You will get happiness...but not the kind of happiness you are capable of.
We have created a fast paced world of ambitions, desires, rules and society. We live in it. We experience it in various forms and at times we are scathed and we retreat. We fear...and then when you suddenly don't feel fear when someone comes along...maybe thats when love starts. You get temporary fulfillment...and this is where the work starts..as the fears come back both ways. Maybe the solution is that you need to recognize the other and understand...the want of being understood needs to take a backseat as I think it happens automatically and here is where we go wrong.
Very recently a girl friend mentioned that she just doesn't understand her guy...he just doesn't listen to her. Well to understand a person don't you need to listen to him? An intelligent man..stephen covey, who introduced me to listening. I did practice the art of listening...yet somewhere I think the need to be understood took precedence. But if I look back in my life...people who I have understood and taken the pains to understand...have understood me back 100%. Very satisfying this...
When a person speaks...he or she speaks with some caution and when you understand...the caution goes out of the window. This is when the relationship is made for life. Once the energies around two people are so tuned in..as trust has played its role...the misunderstanding I have observed just doesn't happen. This does take time and some effort. So the focus needs to shift to understand from being understood.
The most intrinsic desire of every woman is to fall madly in love forever....be romanced....and be swept off her feet completely by her knight in a shining armor...you also pretend to be lost and be protected...its instinctive I guess...and then you get it but temporary fulfillment..not hard to get...logically all you need to do is switch guys every 2 years...but do you then ever reach the next level? Relationships are like the ocean...the serene vast expanse...takes in all the storms...is beautiful at times...rough at times....passionate at times...but mostly silent...vast and so very serene. They introduce you to yourself..sometimes you do not like what you see...but they also trigger you to be the best you can...and thats what gives you the fulfillment...
Caution:
Humans are at different levels of understanding...there are people who despite any love or understanding you show will only want more...well leave in this case...as the more a person gives the more he or she will love you...if you are constantly the giver...well a sure shot disaster.
There are also individuals who clam up and refuse to move out and take the chance...they may have be with you for years...again leave...fulfillment and real love is waiting around the corner....its for you to see it.
The question we need to ask ourselves is can we love and can we understand others. There is no wish you have which does not get fulfilled...you might have to work for it...and you might not want it when you get it. But the key is in how you get it...once you reach the destination it becomes irrelevant. How beautiful was the journey determines what you are made of.
Relationships never come readymade. You may love a person, but the relationship need not work out. I did promise to write about this earlier..and here is what I feel.
A parents love...no folks its not that unselfish...a parent gets tremendous joy from their kids when young...they get pride when they grow up and if somewhere the kids go wrong according to what they think is wrong...thats when you see parents still by their kids side which completely touches me. Thats unconditional...
Lovers...now you may love someone..but it need not mean that the relationship will work out. It takes a huge amount of mind and not just heart to make it work. The heart knows it all but does not work for you always. The mind which recognizes why a person is reacting the way he or she is and then the heart is guided to perform the necessary actions with utmost sensitivity.
One of the most satisfying forms of love is what a man and a woman share. why? Well for one there are no obligations to love, there can be none. What could be more fulfilling then knowing that love exists despite of no obligations. Not easy this...at times you may just want to give it up and go the way everyone else does, which is the easy thing to do. You will get happiness...but not the kind of happiness you are capable of.
We have created a fast paced world of ambitions, desires, rules and society. We live in it. We experience it in various forms and at times we are scathed and we retreat. We fear...and then when you suddenly don't feel fear when someone comes along...maybe thats when love starts. You get temporary fulfillment...and this is where the work starts..as the fears come back both ways. Maybe the solution is that you need to recognize the other and understand...the want of being understood needs to take a backseat as I think it happens automatically and here is where we go wrong.
Very recently a girl friend mentioned that she just doesn't understand her guy...he just doesn't listen to her. Well to understand a person don't you need to listen to him? An intelligent man..stephen covey, who introduced me to listening. I did practice the art of listening...yet somewhere I think the need to be understood took precedence. But if I look back in my life...people who I have understood and taken the pains to understand...have understood me back 100%. Very satisfying this...
When a person speaks...he or she speaks with some caution and when you understand...the caution goes out of the window. This is when the relationship is made for life. Once the energies around two people are so tuned in..as trust has played its role...the misunderstanding I have observed just doesn't happen. This does take time and some effort. So the focus needs to shift to understand from being understood.
The most intrinsic desire of every woman is to fall madly in love forever....be romanced....and be swept off her feet completely by her knight in a shining armor...you also pretend to be lost and be protected...its instinctive I guess...and then you get it but temporary fulfillment..not hard to get...logically all you need to do is switch guys every 2 years...but do you then ever reach the next level? Relationships are like the ocean...the serene vast expanse...takes in all the storms...is beautiful at times...rough at times....passionate at times...but mostly silent...vast and so very serene. They introduce you to yourself..sometimes you do not like what you see...but they also trigger you to be the best you can...and thats what gives you the fulfillment...
Caution:
Humans are at different levels of understanding...there are people who despite any love or understanding you show will only want more...well leave in this case...as the more a person gives the more he or she will love you...if you are constantly the giver...well a sure shot disaster.
There are also individuals who clam up and refuse to move out and take the chance...they may have be with you for years...again leave...fulfillment and real love is waiting around the corner....its for you to see it.
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