Making it work...

The search and the desire to be understood....to be loved for what you are I think is highly misleading.

The question we need to ask ourselves is can we love and can we understand others. There is no wish you have which does not get fulfilled...you might have to work for it...and you might not want it when you get it. But the key is in how you get it...once you reach the destination it becomes irrelevant. How beautiful was the journey determines what you are made of.

Relationships never come readymade. You may love a person, but the relationship need not work out. I did promise to write about this earlier..and here is what I feel.

A parents love...no folks its not that unselfish...a parent gets tremendous joy from their kids when young...they get pride when they grow up and if somewhere the kids go wrong according to what they think is wrong...thats when you see parents still by their kids side which completely touches me. Thats unconditional...

Lovers...now you may love someone..but it need not mean that the relationship will work out. It takes a huge amount of mind and not just heart to make it work. The heart knows it all but does not work for you always. The mind which recognizes why a person is reacting the way he or she is and then the heart is guided to perform the necessary actions with utmost sensitivity.

One of the most satisfying forms of love is what a man and a woman share. why? Well for one there are no obligations to love, there can be none. What could be more fulfilling then knowing that love exists despite of no obligations. Not easy this...at times you may just want to give it up and go the way everyone else does, which is the easy thing to do. You will get happiness...but not the kind of happiness you are capable of.

We have created a fast paced world of ambitions, desires, rules and society. We live in it. We experience it in various forms and at times we are scathed and we retreat. We fear...and then when you suddenly don't feel fear when someone comes along...maybe thats when love starts. You get temporary fulfillment...and this is where the work starts..as the fears come back both ways. Maybe the solution is that you need to recognize the other and understand...the want of being understood needs to take a backseat as I think it happens automatically and here is where we go wrong.

Very recently a girl friend mentioned that she just doesn't understand her guy...he just doesn't listen to her. Well to understand a person don't you need to listen to him? An intelligent man..stephen covey, who introduced me to listening. I did practice the art of listening...yet somewhere I think the need to be understood took precedence. But if I look back in my life...people who I have understood and taken the pains to understand...have understood me back 100%. Very satisfying this...

When a person speaks...he or she speaks with some caution and when you understand...the caution goes out of the window. This is when the relationship is made for life. Once the energies around two people are so tuned in..as trust has played its role...the misunderstanding I have observed just doesn't happen. This does take time and some effort. So the focus needs to shift to understand from being understood.

The most intrinsic desire of every woman is to fall madly in love forever....be romanced....and be swept off her feet completely by her knight in a shining armor...you also pretend to be lost and be protected...its instinctive I guess...and then you get it but temporary fulfillment..not hard to get...logically all you need to do is switch guys every 2 years...but do you then ever reach the next level? Relationships are like the ocean...the serene vast expanse...takes in all the storms...is beautiful at times...rough at times....passionate at times...but mostly silent...vast and so very serene. They introduce you to yourself..sometimes you do not like what you see...but they also trigger you to be the best you can...and thats what gives you the fulfillment...

Caution:
Humans are at different levels of understanding...there are people who despite any love or understanding you show will only want more...well leave in this case...as the more a person gives the more he or she will love you...if you are constantly the giver...well a sure shot disaster.

There are also individuals who clam up and refuse to move out and take the chance...they may have be with you for years...again leave...fulfillment and real love is waiting around the corner....its for you to see it.

Fragile Relationships

I once read a great man say radiate who you are. Words only create noise, they dont help in solving any problem or misunderstanding.

Which makes me think, in friendships, relationships with friends, family, loved ones....events good or bad, words said in anger, frustration, love etc are not important. When someone says I love you or I hate you, does it hold any importance? But in a sad moment when a colleague walks up and says...you dont look so good...come lets have coffee..isnt that a moment which is divine?

If i am friends with anyone for years, does an event in our life whether good or bad have the ability to shake that relationship? If it does maybe the premise was wrong or maybe you were wrong...wrong either in action, thought or speech. But is it important?

Do we as humans have the sensitivity and the intelligence to pick up the reason behind a wrong thought, action or speech?

In every event of misunderstanding with my friends and colleagues, I have always questioned if I got it wrong, or was it me, or if someone behaves in a manner not acceptable, what was the cause of that action. Several times I have concluded its my ignorance, and several times its the others. But is ignorance a good enough reason to dislike people?

In the larger spectrum of life..a person is so much bigger than events that have happened or an action that he has performed.

If I look at the universe and compare it with earth...a tiny dust particle in it and then delhi a tiny tiny city on that dust particle and me one of the millions living in it...does an event that has happened to me or anyone hold any significance? Looking it from that angle..the significance is minuscule, yet it becomes the most significant thought in our minds.

If we have been given the ability to comprehend the vastness of the universe...we have also been given the ability to comprehend the insignificance of events and words, yet our mind clings to the smallest thought giving it more importance then required.

I do believe that humans are not their thoughts, their feelings or their body...every human is that little point in himself that doesnt change. That self thats just the same whether you were a child or a grown human being...all people that come into your life, all events that have happened...have happened because you have drawn it. That sub conscious mind that works beyond what the conscious mind can comprehend works in conjunction with the cosmic energy has drawn them in our lives. The most powerful tool that our conscious mind has is sensitivity and rationality.

Till we realise the truth we need to make ourselves so sensitive that we pick up the reason behind someones actions and words and we also need to become rational enough to realise the insignificance of it in the larger picture of the life and the universe and then drop it!