Making it work...

The search and the desire to be understood....to be loved for what you are I think is highly misleading.

The question we need to ask ourselves is can we love and can we understand others. There is no wish you have which does not get fulfilled...you might have to work for it...and you might not want it when you get it. But the key is in how you get it...once you reach the destination it becomes irrelevant. How beautiful was the journey determines what you are made of.

Relationships never come readymade. You may love a person, but the relationship need not work out. I did promise to write about this earlier..and here is what I feel.

A parents love...no folks its not that unselfish...a parent gets tremendous joy from their kids when young...they get pride when they grow up and if somewhere the kids go wrong according to what they think is wrong...thats when you see parents still by their kids side which completely touches me. Thats unconditional...

Lovers...now you may love someone..but it need not mean that the relationship will work out. It takes a huge amount of mind and not just heart to make it work. The heart knows it all but does not work for you always. The mind which recognizes why a person is reacting the way he or she is and then the heart is guided to perform the necessary actions with utmost sensitivity.

One of the most satisfying forms of love is what a man and a woman share. why? Well for one there are no obligations to love, there can be none. What could be more fulfilling then knowing that love exists despite of no obligations. Not easy this...at times you may just want to give it up and go the way everyone else does, which is the easy thing to do. You will get happiness...but not the kind of happiness you are capable of.

We have created a fast paced world of ambitions, desires, rules and society. We live in it. We experience it in various forms and at times we are scathed and we retreat. We fear...and then when you suddenly don't feel fear when someone comes along...maybe thats when love starts. You get temporary fulfillment...and this is where the work starts..as the fears come back both ways. Maybe the solution is that you need to recognize the other and understand...the want of being understood needs to take a backseat as I think it happens automatically and here is where we go wrong.

Very recently a girl friend mentioned that she just doesn't understand her guy...he just doesn't listen to her. Well to understand a person don't you need to listen to him? An intelligent man..stephen covey, who introduced me to listening. I did practice the art of listening...yet somewhere I think the need to be understood took precedence. But if I look back in my life...people who I have understood and taken the pains to understand...have understood me back 100%. Very satisfying this...

When a person speaks...he or she speaks with some caution and when you understand...the caution goes out of the window. This is when the relationship is made for life. Once the energies around two people are so tuned in..as trust has played its role...the misunderstanding I have observed just doesn't happen. This does take time and some effort. So the focus needs to shift to understand from being understood.

The most intrinsic desire of every woman is to fall madly in love forever....be romanced....and be swept off her feet completely by her knight in a shining armor...you also pretend to be lost and be protected...its instinctive I guess...and then you get it but temporary fulfillment..not hard to get...logically all you need to do is switch guys every 2 years...but do you then ever reach the next level? Relationships are like the ocean...the serene vast expanse...takes in all the storms...is beautiful at times...rough at times....passionate at times...but mostly silent...vast and so very serene. They introduce you to yourself..sometimes you do not like what you see...but they also trigger you to be the best you can...and thats what gives you the fulfillment...

Caution:
Humans are at different levels of understanding...there are people who despite any love or understanding you show will only want more...well leave in this case...as the more a person gives the more he or she will love you...if you are constantly the giver...well a sure shot disaster.

There are also individuals who clam up and refuse to move out and take the chance...they may have be with you for years...again leave...fulfillment and real love is waiting around the corner....its for you to see it.

Of conditioning and being a woman - 1

A topic close to my heart. Being one who usually does not believe too much in divisions of society and to some extent rules created by mankind, I do acknowledge the presence of different value and belief systems and am usually willing to live and let live peacefully. However a news item triggered me to write on a topic I usually do not pick up because I think I may be a part of a minuscule minority who believe in it.

Lets face it..we are born with a clean slate...but we have all lived amidst society and have unconsciously picked up various conditionings which we do not even realize we have.

Though the trigger could be delhi govt's desire to ban women from choosing exciting careers like bartending...which I think is as non progressive in thought as a govt can get, but I have experienced more hard hitting or may be heart rendering examples of this in men and women we meet every day.

It could be an Business Head who casually says" Women are not as serious as men, is what I have observed in the team as men tend to stay back late at work" or an HR Head saying " Lets not hire this person, we should look at people who are married and settled with kids in life - they are usually more stable" It could also be a career woman saying - " what has this person done with her life? she is miserable taking care of kids at home and thats her entire life"

There are zillions of similar examples which lead me to believe that the freedom of choice and freedom to make decisions is often not taken by individuals and also not respected by people at large.

It is no wonder that given the conditioning carried by most and more prevalent and dangerous when carried by people in powerful positions which could even be a boss or a parent, lead people to often concede and make short cuts in life. When the fact is that the real growing up of an individual happens when faced with either failures or situations of pain.

I have often observed my own reaction to situations and have been amazed how my emotions or my actions have been governed by conditioning - eg - I usually say - "My spatial orientation is all wonky so driving may be a problem" when the truth is I remember when I bought my car and used to dream to learn how to drive it...i remember my vivid imagination of thinking that the car was just and extension of me and the way to maneuver it was dependent on the thought in my mind. I used to imagine being one with the car...which is what happened once i got used to driving...The fact is that for that last 3 years I have been driving 10 minutes a day on an average so as a result of such less practice, may not be as good at it as if I had stayed back in Mumbai and driven 3 hrs a day...but atleast 5 men and me including 3-4 women have concluded in various conversations that a woman can never drive as well as a man. Ridiculous if you ask me now.

I wonder how many more such conditionings' reside within me...The car one is mostly harmless...but others could be dangerous. I hope to take each one of them evaluate it and then dump it in the garbage can where it belongs if found half - baked.

different sides

A human body is so complex and yet so precisely created that it only leaves me in wonder. If i look at the human mind which governs our behavior, the explanation to all variables that affect it is just unimaginable. Its obviously our intelligence and emotions coupled with external influences which lead us to behave in a certain way at that moment.

I have observed the most intelligent person behave completely irrationally in a state of frenzy or for a better word when emotionally charged. I have also seen the fairest of human beings acting in the most disdainful and corrupt manner when helpless because of maybe inability to act or insecurity or just maybe to please society. I have also believed in the phrase that its in times of trouble when you really see where your soul has been feeding. I am not so sure about that now.

Is it possible to be fair always? Is it possible to be rational always? Is it possible to be understanding always? If you do i think one just pushes negative emotions under the carpet which are bound to explode at some time.

Its true that when you have an overdose of wisdom or good, you just become allergic to it. An example could be the art of living mails I receive about wisdom. I am just not able to read them now-a-days when at some point they gave me a lot of things to think about. I have seen myself being perceived an angel by one friend but being perceived as a devil by another because of maybe action or inaction. Some I take for granted, some I never do even after years of knowing them. For some I am around whenever and for some I may not be there even when needed. Some I am at ease talking about my most intricate secrets with and some will not know me even after years.

I am left baffled by the various shades of an individual. I increasingly believe now that one must look at themselves in total isolation without letting any external factor affect what they think about themselves. Mind it, this is not an easy task. Today at work I saw myself agreeing with two completely opposite views on an incident within an hour. Am I just being diplomatic or am I finally letting go of some beliefs which I may be holding onto stubbornly.

If I look at the people I have known for the longest in my life, its my parents and siblings. I have seen myself being the best daughter as well as being a prodigal one. To be true its never my intention to hurt. I have seen myself behave very sensitively to one sibling and very indifferent to another. Am baffled at myself many a times.

If I see a pattern underlying my behavior, I think its the love coupled with admiration or respect for ones intelligence or the bravery in actions which segregates one from the other. Love without respect or admiration which needs to be fed is hollow and will die soon i feel. There are friends who I am initially very fond of but later discover that I have no feelings for and mind you this is not done consciously. It just falls out. There are some friends who even after years i never tire or am totally charged up for.

I think the difference is in being honest. Its easy to fake but its not sustainable in the long run...who you thought as the perfect friend or daughter may not be so all the time, and thats being honest. I would any day prefer a friend who says what they mean even if they are being completely foolish then one who smiles and agrees with you all the time faking it or probably not realizing they are faking it.

Lately someone who is a good friend has been behaving completely irrationally and stubbornly. Its surprising how I still feel good about having the person as a friend for the honesty in behavior. I aspire to be a person who is completely honest as well to people I love and respect :) Amen

P.S. - Its necessary to fake it with people who you dont!!! Now I think this is completely opposite to the belief I always held onto about being honest always...does not work and may not be needed...esp in the corporate world. The transition from being in a small company to a big one is difficult but necessary.

The crazy cops

Well after reading a hilarious blog on Sony vs the blackberry curve, reality finally struck..I had lost my phone the Imate K-Jam a couple o days back.

No folks... my first reaction was of joy. Wow can i switch back to my regular no nonsense Nokia or Sony Erickson with no periphery mails where I can finally hear the how my friends sound again on the phone. For a few months now the only sentences they would've heard from me is - sorry...what was that...I cant hear you....click..My gosh these PDAs are a terror and have put its customers through such torture!

Well my happiness was shortlived as the realization dawned that the phone was actually my office's property so I had to lodge an FIR at the Noida police station at sector 20. Well if it was mine, I would have surely not done any thing about it especially in this part of the country which is known for the notorious cops. But nevertheless accompanied by a stud Admin guy I went to the Police Station to get an FIR lodged.

Scene 1: I enter with our stud man and the broken down house converted to a police station had 30 police men all who exuded tremendous arrogance. I went straight into some room and kept standing...you see the ambiance suggests don't speak unless spoken to. Our stud man was speaking loudly on the phone. A police chappie rudely ticks him off and asks him to leave the room. Kya samajhta hain apne ko, police chowki main phone..(basically how can anyone make them feel less imporatant) Me being a lady..the cop couldn't talk to me directly so asked another lady there - 'in memsahab ko kya chahiye?' Well I replied to him that someone snatched my phone and ran and that I need an FIR for the insurance claim. Well the bloke told me to write something about it being lost in a plain paper and give it to him.

Scene 2: Well folks if you've forgotten to write English with a pen and paper, try writing Hindi!!!! After an hour of trying hard to lodge an FIR, I retired on a chair where as the stud finally started doing what he was supposed to. I saw him with some cop who looked like a Hindi movie cop all ready to kill anyone outta arrogance. Huh...so I looked elsewhere..some guys were filming a vegetable vendor who was lying in torn clothes, crying loud as he was beaten up by cops as he failed to give them his daily hafta of Rs 500. Poor man..the sarcastic remarks of the cops and the local press didn't seem to sink in and he kept telling his story loud to anyone who would hear.

Scene 3: I walked out of the smelly dilapidated station and sat in my car where I heard this lady in blue telling a story about how her son was picked up by the police for hooliganism and locked up. 2 years earlier the police had locked up another son for murder and now she had no one to go to. The sons she says are badly beaten up in the lockup. These stories will not make it to any breaking news I am sure. I wonder why I only saw citizens there who were trying to register cases against cops!!!!

The sight here seeing the population of India that lives on daily wages and the police walas who thought they were the SVPs of the district..got me back to another reality..aah babes this is also India...ahem..

Finally the stud comes out looking extremely drained of all energy. The poor man dealing with these cops can stress anyone even a super hero I think...Well the final analysis:

1) You cannot lodge an FIR in Noida, no matter how big the crime reported is. Eg in the Nithari case where the police refused to lodge an FIR for missing children or a friend who recently lost a debit card and someone had purchased 2 ipods with it.
2) You can lodge an FIR if you have lost your slipper in the river if you are willing to shell out some money.

A ghastly story

Today while running in the gym, I saw on a news channel that a little baby girl a couple of hours old was thrown in a dustbin. She was rescued by a milkman who heard her cry three days later and was taken to the hospital...where doctors are trying their best to save her life. The baby had 26 wounds on her little body and her head had severe wounds from glass pieces.

Its anger as well as a deep sadness I feel that a human mind is capable of such behavior. The inferences being broadcast in the media that the child could be illegitimate or being a girl child must have led her own blood to act in this inhuman way, also leave me saddened. They also say seeing the wounds, that the parents could've tried to kill her before dumping her in a dustbin.

How has the world turned so hard? A small baby, a couple of hours old treated in such a harsh manner is something which I just cannot comprehend. Even if it wasn't the parents and if someone tried to kill her for revenge, such atrocity on a tiny angel leads me to think about how is such behavior explainable. It has to be the doing of a demented mind. I hope to hear the true events behind this which led to such an inhuman act.

If it is social pressures that led to such behavior, I do not think society is worth it. Can we all not just look into our hearts and get what is the right thing to do and again look into our souls and get the strength to do it. Is this so difficult? I think not. Before we talk about another life, we must really stop and think. We never know what pressure we as the society cause another human being to go through...the pinball effect of what we feel is harmless..could be as catastrophic as what happened to this new born child.

I also applaud the milkman who took her to the hospital and the doctors who are trying hard to save her.

I do not know the answer, but in our own ways if we just do small good deeds, not form judgments on value systems, not indulge in mindless gossip and try and adapt and spread progressive thought....the pinball effect of it could really be something large and wonderful. I am sure this is happening which is why there are stories of heroism and kindness as well...but this news story has just reinforced how important what ever good we all do is.

cues from long ago

Lately my thoughts have been going back to childhood very often. Its amazing how when you sit by yourself and relive childhood, you can experience all what happened then just as it did.

The most important observation is that I haven't changed a bit since. No not an iota of change has happened to the way I am, the way I interact with people or what I think and feel, even in how I react to situations.

To draw a parallel..I remember being the favorite child of my school principal and I remember in todays language not being hierarchical in my thought even then. The world used to tell me that you ought to speak to Father Orlando with more reverence or that you just say anything that comes to your mind. Even then I used to think why ever not? Anyone who knows me at work will say the same now.

I remember the pain that little girl in std 6 went through when she was not selected for a dance for a discriminatory reason or the happiness when she jived with the prince charming of yesteryear, who I think had engineered her selection in the dance.

Can we take cues from our childhood. If we've forgotten who we are and yes I mean forgotten and not discovering here...If we have forgotten who we are, we just need to sit back and revive that memory stored somewhere in our brain.

I remember coming 15th in class in standard 5 and the absolute heart break that I went through then and I remember the lesson that little girl learnt so clearly then. I remember the competition I had with Mathew in class 3 for getting the highest marks in maths...yes i think I was competitive then. Am I fooling myself saying I am not now? Its just that studies was a high and work now just doesn't do the trick or maybe people have grown up and are not like Mathew any more.

I remember that none of my parents ever told me to study...I just did it when I wanted to. A great parallel to now. If I am told to do stuff and if someone tries to micro manage - I just procrastinate and don't do anything. Dunno if this approach is good or bad...but thats just me.

I remember PT sir making me run 10 rounds of the football field because I was late for practice by 15 minutes (arrived at 5.15 am and not 5)!!! I remember telling him that sir the punishment and the felony don't match. The sense of fairness, I think was developed even then. I remember way back in maybe std 1, in a crafts test, my mom knew the teacher and had told me what she was going to ask us to make...and I remember thinking that this was not fair. I remember wanting to beat Trupti in every English test and missing it by 1 mark everytime and when I finally did...the teacher had calculated my marks wrong :((...I remember going to her and telling her and yet again came 2nd in English. I remember the temptation of not wanting to tell her quite clearly.

I remember scoring a 3 pointer basket at state level when in std 5 I became the youngest member of the senior team very avidly...I can safely say it was and still is the happiest moment of my life...yeah we went on to lose all games after that which I would rather forget. To draw a parallel achieving a 3 pointer sales or revenue target...gives me an absolute high even now...throw in some number game...I mean give me data to play with and there I think I would have found my work calling. Why did I miss it for so long? Had all the cues,...maths my fav subject...english and debating a close second.

Put in 50% numbers, 40% comm skills utilization and maybe 10% of all the mundane stuff that one has to do at work,...and that is the ideal job for me.

Interests...well crafts was out then...drawing was very close to my heart...why didnt i pursue it as a hobby? Something about our education system just sucks.

Sports was dad's biggest gift I think till date. Why didnt I pursue a special interest in any competitive sport?

There is a lot more stuff I remember but the point is that I very clearly remember all my actions then and if I draw a parallel of those actions to now...though situations have changed, the actions are similar.

Take the same theory to people and I am sure great parallels can be drawn...but then am tired and it will have to wait for the next post.

Random thought

Frequency a baffling concept yet sensitivity to this minor concept could make a colossal difference to our lonely souls.

We all know it exists. Of the 100 people on your floor, its that single person who sends the most finely tuned frequency. I oft have noted that the poor souls at office who seem to get along with everyone are usually faking it and are the loneliest of the lot. Please refrain from mixing getting along to indulging in tp conversation with all, which I can be accused of doing.

1 of 100 is a great record if you ask me. The more accurate statistic would be 1(who does not work in office) of 1200 or 1300 whatever be the latest number(the entire office). A parallel yet converging theory to this is that we also possess different frequencies. To list a few:

• 91.1 - the womanly connect - sorry guys you will never get this one ;)
• 93.5 - the tp type - friendly banter, mostly harmless.
• 95 - professional - no choice, leadership, the experts and a few intelligent beings at work have to fall into this category
• 98.3 - the comical connect - yeah some people have the knack of making you laugh helplessly
• 102.5 - the intellectual connect - this is usually satisfied by googling unless you are in academics
• 106.4 - The friendly connect - Noticeably more than the 93.5 above -watch movies, go out maybe similar music taste, cry, laugh, genuine caring.
  
• 104 - the cribbing connect - this could happen with either of the above (pls note am talking about connect, strictly avoidable with people who don't)

Most of these interactions are mostly one to many and catching these generally get you by peacefully. The more the 106.4 the more fun will life be.

However, the colossal difference mentioned is to do with a frequency which is indescribable yet at some level we have all experienced it. Its when someone really sees you, right through the demeanor that you unconsciously or maybe consciously have acquired. We might find this with a few training professionals or behavior specialists who have met scores of people and somehow say just the right thing, so for explaining my theory lets discount them.

100.1 - have you tuned in? You don't really need to talk here, yet if no words you might never realize its existence. So you talk and are seldom misunderstood. No explanations and clarifications of intent needed, of thoughts maybe yes. Do you see that something around you glows in the presence of this frequency? Can I label it as spiritual? Would not like to, keeping in mind the word has become a fashion statement now-a-days. If either of the above frequencies say I love you babe or that you are a beautiful person the only thing they satisfy is your ego, but when 100.1 says it, it stirs you. Its a re enforcement that the beliefs you've lived by are not baseless. If you are lucky you might also race ahead on the path of self discovery.

KISS - Keep it Simple and Stupid

( Post renamed from Its easy to be hard, but its hard to be easy)

This morning a colleague of mine, who is a usability expert in our company, showed me a calender which the usability training guys of HFI had given to all our Interface Designers after the training program over the weekend. A brilliant concept within HFI, in which they have internal contests and ask employees to come up with one-liners related to design which they brand as buttons and use avidly in trainings. This is where I got this line from.

The clue of a great website design is that you need to KISS..Keep It Simple and Stupid. Having spent much time on design and owing it to the great expert company I keep now-a-days, I have observed that this concept contributes greatly to why you like one website over the other. The Flickr pink for example, a beautiful way to highlight but pink for heaven's sake on a website, who could've have thought they could carry the concept off so well. But of course if you mess up with the search and features kiss or no kiss gets you no where!! (applaud please spoken like a true product person)

What do you like a messy webpage or a well prioritized easy to use webpage with messages like Oops bad bad server, no donuts for you?

Now what this statement basically stirred in me was nothing to do with webpages. Isn't it hard to be easy in life? Simple living!

Priorities, aims, wishes, desires...I agree keep changing, but if we can easily separate the chaff from the wheat, take it all one at a time and are able to live with a simple thought process, at times make fools of ourselves...I tell you life will be beautiful.

Lately I have been hounded by some complex delhi friends and have been a victimized as well as bored listener to conversations about why I should buy a big car, designer clothes, redo my transitional home and all that stuff people do to make their lives even more complicated. Trust me I love doing it up but not because you earned some money. I would easily spend big money on holidaying or buying expensive stuff I want but not because someone has it.

I have also often been lectured on relationships. Be hard, not easy...this has been proven umpteen number of times by collective experiences of most of my girl friends, in fact the results are instantaneous to see. A lot of fun this, but in retrospect the conversations between friends of planning and discussing results were more entertaining then the relationships themselves. The human mind I tell you sticks to what you cant have. But I have often observed that I have ended up poorer in the end of an experience like that. People who are attracted to what they can't have usually are no fun to be with and trust me they roam around in disguises. The fun of games is not what i refer to here, but the learning attached to the fun was simple to see.

Well may be just maybe the Usability concepts work in relationships too...you need to KISS...people you need to keep it simple and stupid!

Girls...some simple and stupid rules to follow. Guys some tips ;-)

1) Avoid guys who fall for all the games you plan with your friends. Though its a brilliant way to check initially.
2) Avoid guys who make you feel bad about how you look or want you to wear better and more complicated clothing, ofcourse unless you want to.
3) Avoid guys who don't KISS ( you know what I mean, I think I should rename the post, which i just did)
4) If its getting too tough to be with this guy...leave! Life usually is simple...the worst of circumstances can be dealt with simply and sensitively. If its getting tough one of you is making it complex. Your time will be better spent on playing tennis or those guitar classes you always wanted to do.
5) Avoid guys on whose priority list you appear anything but first...doesnt mean hound the poor fellas into shopping... some activities are just more enjoyable with the girls.
6) Understand making a fool of yourself, usually means spreading laughter...a great karma...so avoid guys who take it seriously.
7) Mostly for women in delhi as hoards available here - avoid guys who are avoidable...life will just get too complicated and not worth it..you could have learnt to play sultans of the swing by now!

Maybe the secret of Life is to Keep it simple and stupid.

Love...Does it exist?

A tricky topic...written at the risk of my reputation, yet close to my stubborn heart.

I watched a movie long ago called "Before Sunrise" and recently its sequel "Before Sunset". Ethan Hawke and a french woman meet in Italy on a train and spend an evening and a night together and part before sunrise, promising to meet in 6 months. They never did...11 years later they meet by chance in Paris and spend a day together. Two frustrated individuals totally in tune with each other...the french woman had a boyfriend and Ethan had a wife. They never really forgot each other and were in love.

Is this fantasy, an illusion or a reality?

Where does it start? The first glance, the first conversation or the first touch? Is it any of the firsts at all? Being a bit of a dreamer I choose to believe it is. The realization could be later or may never happen...however the rest is only the rest and comes afterwards.

Coming back to real life...do we as individuals know ourselves well enough to realize a good thing when we see it? Are we conditioned by our experiences or our ambiance to ignore it and look for something more conventional, because love my dear friends I don't believe knows any. It is a risky affair...are we scared and so settle for lukewarm security which we are sure will turn cold. Do we dare to dream?

Love, I believe, starts and ends at you yourself. Are you tuned in with yourself..if not you can forget picking up the frequency of another individual. Do we realize at this moment who we are, what we feel...what we believe in and most importantly where is it all coming from....our past experiences, our observations our conditioning or our insecurities? Can we then on realization drop it and know this may not be who we are? Does your lover or husband or boyfriend help you in this process? Do you help him?

Hundreds of people we interact with...do we have the sensitivity of noticing ourselves independently and not in relation to anyone else? Do we have a relationship with ourselves? If we do there is a strong chance that we will be bold enough to meet and know love and the fun and growth in love.

I have observed the time spent with each other is wonderful to begin with...but then it need not be just to begin with, but it often is. What spoils it? Do we realize that often we ourselves kill it. When one is going forward the other takes two steps behind...If we are changing constantly how can one take the other for granted? Isn't it usually because we are ignorant of the fact that we are changing and the other is also. Do we have the insight to see this?

Love is no guarantee for a successful relationship. But then thats a different topic altogether and will be covered in a different post.

As for the existence of it...we all know the answer in our hearts...we are just too scared to question what we have or have chosen to believe we know. A big clue my humble understanding can give is forget the movies, the good and the bad stories around you...forget what everyone around you says...look inside and follow your dreams...walk on the edge of the cliff if that is what it takes...falling off will be painful...but does that really matter?

Gut or Desire?

We have all experienced unexplainable miracles in life.

Were you talking about someone and see that precisely then you get a call?
Were you planning to break up with someone and see that he called you just then...E.S.P.N. its like electromagnetic waves which are picked up by two people connected.

I have constantly believed in making decisions based on pure gut in life. There are times when you just know it will work out...be it a job related decision or a personal one..and then there are times when you know it will not, but as you desire it...you pretend that your gut says it will.

Is there a way to know the difference between a desire and a feeling that comes from almost no where? More questions...less answers.

I guess one can safely say that if you want something constantly its a desire, but just when you wake up...a fleeting moment of knowing tells you what will happen. These instincts come from nowhere usually on the stealth mode...but are loud and clear for you to pick up.

Fragile Relationships

I once read a great man say radiate who you are. Words only create noise, they dont help in solving any problem or misunderstanding.

Which makes me think, in friendships, relationships with friends, family, loved ones....events good or bad, words said in anger, frustration, love etc are not important. When someone says I love you or I hate you, does it hold any importance? But in a sad moment when a colleague walks up and says...you dont look so good...come lets have coffee..isnt that a moment which is divine?

If i am friends with anyone for years, does an event in our life whether good or bad have the ability to shake that relationship? If it does maybe the premise was wrong or maybe you were wrong...wrong either in action, thought or speech. But is it important?

Do we as humans have the sensitivity and the intelligence to pick up the reason behind a wrong thought, action or speech?

In every event of misunderstanding with my friends and colleagues, I have always questioned if I got it wrong, or was it me, or if someone behaves in a manner not acceptable, what was the cause of that action. Several times I have concluded its my ignorance, and several times its the others. But is ignorance a good enough reason to dislike people?

In the larger spectrum of life..a person is so much bigger than events that have happened or an action that he has performed.

If I look at the universe and compare it with earth...a tiny dust particle in it and then delhi a tiny tiny city on that dust particle and me one of the millions living in it...does an event that has happened to me or anyone hold any significance? Looking it from that angle..the significance is minuscule, yet it becomes the most significant thought in our minds.

If we have been given the ability to comprehend the vastness of the universe...we have also been given the ability to comprehend the insignificance of events and words, yet our mind clings to the smallest thought giving it more importance then required.

I do believe that humans are not their thoughts, their feelings or their body...every human is that little point in himself that doesnt change. That self thats just the same whether you were a child or a grown human being...all people that come into your life, all events that have happened...have happened because you have drawn it. That sub conscious mind that works beyond what the conscious mind can comprehend works in conjunction with the cosmic energy has drawn them in our lives. The most powerful tool that our conscious mind has is sensitivity and rationality.

Till we realise the truth we need to make ourselves so sensitive that we pick up the reason behind someones actions and words and we also need to become rational enough to realise the insignificance of it in the larger picture of the life and the universe and then drop it!

Reasonable doubt

Being a big fan of "The Practice", I have often wondered about how we can use the concept of reasonable doubt in life!!!!

I think the best practitioner of this is my COO. He always doubts the faults in people and trusts the strengths. What a way of doing work!!! there you have a organisation of not the best, but yes the most motivated group of people who think they are the best..and the company keeps growing.

If all of us would give the verdict of not guilty if there was reasonable doubt in the crime that a person does, wouldent the world be a much better place to live in.

I have often observed that it is so easy to believe that a person doesnt like you...and if he says he does...you keep questioning it...do you really?
If only we doubt the negative and just believe the positive...this would be a different world.

A girl friend last week told me about a guy...who hit on both two women with exactly the same lines...the guy is good friend of mine..and in a second we both agreed that he was a fraud. But the fact is, he could have liked me earlier and now likes her, which is why he used the same lines which worked with women he hit on earlier. Isnt that ok for a guy to do. Yeah he isnt very deep...but it doesnt make him shallow...just non creative.

I remember I used to be like that in school...trust till proven non trust worthy...yes there were tears, there was a lot of short lived pain, but there was more love and fun then I experienced in a long time now.