Making it work...

The search and the desire to be understood....to be loved for what you are I think is highly misleading.

The question we need to ask ourselves is can we love and can we understand others. There is no wish you have which does not get fulfilled...you might have to work for it...and you might not want it when you get it. But the key is in how you get it...once you reach the destination it becomes irrelevant. How beautiful was the journey determines what you are made of.

Relationships never come readymade. You may love a person, but the relationship need not work out. I did promise to write about this earlier..and here is what I feel.

A parents love...no folks its not that unselfish...a parent gets tremendous joy from their kids when young...they get pride when they grow up and if somewhere the kids go wrong according to what they think is wrong...thats when you see parents still by their kids side which completely touches me. Thats unconditional...

Lovers...now you may love someone..but it need not mean that the relationship will work out. It takes a huge amount of mind and not just heart to make it work. The heart knows it all but does not work for you always. The mind which recognizes why a person is reacting the way he or she is and then the heart is guided to perform the necessary actions with utmost sensitivity.

One of the most satisfying forms of love is what a man and a woman share. why? Well for one there are no obligations to love, there can be none. What could be more fulfilling then knowing that love exists despite of no obligations. Not easy this...at times you may just want to give it up and go the way everyone else does, which is the easy thing to do. You will get happiness...but not the kind of happiness you are capable of.

We have created a fast paced world of ambitions, desires, rules and society. We live in it. We experience it in various forms and at times we are scathed and we retreat. We fear...and then when you suddenly don't feel fear when someone comes along...maybe thats when love starts. You get temporary fulfillment...and this is where the work starts..as the fears come back both ways. Maybe the solution is that you need to recognize the other and understand...the want of being understood needs to take a backseat as I think it happens automatically and here is where we go wrong.

Very recently a girl friend mentioned that she just doesn't understand her guy...he just doesn't listen to her. Well to understand a person don't you need to listen to him? An intelligent man..stephen covey, who introduced me to listening. I did practice the art of listening...yet somewhere I think the need to be understood took precedence. But if I look back in my life...people who I have understood and taken the pains to understand...have understood me back 100%. Very satisfying this...

When a person speaks...he or she speaks with some caution and when you understand...the caution goes out of the window. This is when the relationship is made for life. Once the energies around two people are so tuned in..as trust has played its role...the misunderstanding I have observed just doesn't happen. This does take time and some effort. So the focus needs to shift to understand from being understood.

The most intrinsic desire of every woman is to fall madly in love forever....be romanced....and be swept off her feet completely by her knight in a shining armor...you also pretend to be lost and be protected...its instinctive I guess...and then you get it but temporary fulfillment..not hard to get...logically all you need to do is switch guys every 2 years...but do you then ever reach the next level? Relationships are like the ocean...the serene vast expanse...takes in all the storms...is beautiful at times...rough at times....passionate at times...but mostly silent...vast and so very serene. They introduce you to yourself..sometimes you do not like what you see...but they also trigger you to be the best you can...and thats what gives you the fulfillment...

Caution:
Humans are at different levels of understanding...there are people who despite any love or understanding you show will only want more...well leave in this case...as the more a person gives the more he or she will love you...if you are constantly the giver...well a sure shot disaster.

There are also individuals who clam up and refuse to move out and take the chance...they may have be with you for years...again leave...fulfillment and real love is waiting around the corner....its for you to see it.