A tricky topic...written at the risk of my reputation, yet close to my stubborn heart.
I watched a movie long ago called "Before Sunrise" and recently its sequel "Before Sunset". Ethan Hawke and a french woman meet in Italy on a train and spend an evening and a night together and part before sunrise, promising to meet in 6 months. They never did...11 years later they meet by chance in Paris and spend a day together. Two frustrated individuals totally in tune with each other...the french woman had a boyfriend and Ethan had a wife. They never really forgot each other and were in love.
Is this fantasy, an illusion or a reality?
Where does it start? The first glance, the first conversation or the first touch? Is it any of the firsts at all? Being a bit of a dreamer I choose to believe it is. The realization could be later or may never happen...however the rest is only the rest and comes afterwards.
Coming back to real life...do we as individuals know ourselves well enough to realize a good thing when we see it? Are we conditioned by our experiences or our ambiance to ignore it and look for something more conventional, because love my dear friends I don't believe knows any. It is a risky affair...are we scared and so settle for lukewarm security which we are sure will turn cold. Do we dare to dream?
Love, I believe, starts and ends at you yourself. Are you tuned in with yourself..if not you can forget picking up the frequency of another individual. Do we realize at this moment who we are, what we feel...what we believe in and most importantly where is it all coming from....our past experiences, our observations our conditioning or our insecurities? Can we then on realization drop it and know this may not be who we are? Does your lover or husband or boyfriend help you in this process? Do you help him?
Hundreds of people we interact with...do we have the sensitivity of noticing ourselves independently and not in relation to anyone else? Do we have a relationship with ourselves? If we do there is a strong chance that we will be bold enough to meet and know love and the fun and growth in love.
I have observed the time spent with each other is wonderful to begin with...but then it need not be just to begin with, but it often is. What spoils it? Do we realize that often we ourselves kill it. When one is going forward the other takes two steps behind...If we are changing constantly how can one take the other for granted? Isn't it usually because we are ignorant of the fact that we are changing and the other is also. Do we have the insight to see this?
Love is no guarantee for a successful relationship. But then thats a different topic altogether and will be covered in a different post.
As for the existence of it...we all know the answer in our hearts...we are just too scared to question what we have or have chosen to believe we know. A big clue my humble understanding can give is forget the movies, the good and the bad stories around you...forget what everyone around you says...look inside and follow your dreams...walk on the edge of the cliff if that is what it takes...falling off will be painful...but does that really matter?
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15 comments:
well written..but some thoughts...love is a multidimensional feeling. It can be triggered by a glance, an action, an experience, an incident...Love is not just a feeling, its sometimes a manipulated thought. U love someone because of some reason....your logical mind may not fathom the reason...whats important is to find somoene who you can share a compatible relation (whose glance interests you, whose communication comforts you, whose touch solaces)..when you have found that person, its very easy to fall in love with him...mind you, its not the other way round, you do not fall in love and then discover these things about him...so when you feel that THIS is the guy who I can share a comfortable relation with, its time to fall in love with him.
Aaah-why do you have so many questions in love? If you love the feeling of being in love, you will never miss it. You will find something or someone worth your love always.
Relationships and instincts are tricky. Need to be handled. Love keeps you at peace maybe but does not give you the wisdom to keep your emotions from goint to war. Be careful there...
It is when you reach the final limits (confusions and doubts), take the risk, jump off the cliff; and while you fall you realise the heights you have reached to come alive.
God Bless you with love and a soul satisfying relationship :)
Mr. Anonymous..beautiful thoughts...jumping off the cliff is not a big deal, but when you have reached the bottom, will there be somoene to catch you and thats the bigger question when falling in love!!!!!! BTW, please reveal your name...
neha...the difference is in an inside out approach, if you don't look within, you may have the right person walk right past you and you will never know...
and free falling can be quite thrilling dont you think...
anonymous...you said it and thanks.
Hi Neha - However of-this-world you may try and sound, its coming right across that you are dying to experience the chaos caused by love.
I think it is someone like you who arunima was talking in her blog. You will not be able to realise that its true because you will never stop questioning.
May Dear God bless you too.
Just BTW - Its 'Miss' Anonymous
girls...girls...lets make love not war :)
each to her own...
hi aru,
fascinating piece of article,and blog i must say....being a true piscean and a (self professed) connoisseur of all things associated with the heart i am often reminded of a quote by khalil gibran in his book the prohpet.
"And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. "
being human beings,i feel sometimes we give a lot of importance to shaping our own destiny.we have to be in control.i want to print out bank statements,identify which flavor of cappuccino suits me in the morning to now,regrettably even know what suits my heart.and there lies the greatest paradox.i know the world(or i think i know) but i am yet to get in touch with my own self.the more i try the more i fail.the more i define what is good for me,the more abstract the feeling of what is good becomes.and then i realised few things in life,especially love (and tax officials) are best left undefined.loose.just like a kite.like a boat who has lost direction.
and then when u lose it,that self control,u sometimes gain it.and u come back stronger......love is the same i presume.
the more u define it,the more u analyze it,the more u try to understand it,the more ignorant you become.
the journey of life becomes interesting when you allow the unexpected to happen,just let the flow take over.just float like a pollen in the wind......after all that is what germinates to a full blown beautiful tree !!!!
sharing with you his other quotes on love,i am sure u have read this.
http://leb.net/~mira/works/prophet/prophet2.html
amen,
stay blessed,
keep that soul shining,
Guru.
ps:do u still talk to urself when u sleep :)
I needed to read this 3 times (comments included) to grasp the very basics. Very complex
The 1st thing I notice is the girls arguing (with some help this). Please girls, cant we all sit across a table and discuss this? If things get animated perhaps I could sell tickets :p
On a more serious and candid note, some observations:
1) If it is not a 1st, its probably manufactured and hence not worth it.
2) If you have a choice between walking the strainght road and falling off a cliff with the hope of soaring, i would always choose fallin off
3) Some people change faster then they can notice, for these people catching up is a constant (love or anything for that matter) others dont change at all, yet others do it in fits and bursts. No predictability to this.
Where and when are we going to sit down? I know someone who will sponsor the beers.
And who might that be Sanjay?
Guru...have read Gibran..thanks for the link..and aah yes...i need to sleep on ice at 16000ft to talk to myself when i sleep ok...doesnt happen in normal circumstances :)
Neha,
On the one hand you say love can be triggered by a glance, and on the other hand you say you can only fall in love when you've found a person whose glance interests you, whose communication comforts you, and whose touch solaces.
Besides can the same person's glance be interesting forever? can the same person's communication comfort forever? can the same person's touch solace forever? I am afraid i don't think so. As Arunima said, we are changing and the other is also. If love were about satisfying certain criteria, it would never last. Nothing can fathom the reason behind love, because there is no reason. It happens because its meant to be.
You don't wanna jump off the cliff because you fear that there'll be no one at the bottom. You are waiting for someone to tell you that he is there to catch you. But darling, that person might himself be standing on a cliff waiting for you to arrive with open arms :)
If you were to take my advice, next time you reach a cliff, close your eyes and jump. You'll either land in his arms or you'll get some sand in your face...either ways you'll have the flight to cherish, forever :)
hehehe...this is getting interesting...guys (and Miss A) please get some sanity and logic (read this as - enough of unexpected and unpredictable love). I am tired of these Notting Hill (and Karan Johar) followers who think that Love will Happen!!!!!some day.
P, (Godd Damn, why do people write anonymous and abbreviated identities when commenting) - Sometimes you find the person whose glance triggers it all but thats perhaps the beginning (of what everyone calls love). In my opinion Love happens post the glance. You have to make / build / craft love with that person. It is not something that JUST falls in place. You have to keep it in place by constantly nurturing and nourishing it. Love like I said is a manipulative thought. You have to manipulate your thoughts to be in Love forever.(The manipulation could also be that I will not look beyond this guy...AAAh, this is the most debatable thought now!!)
Miss Anonymous - I guess when you are in a 'Been there, Done that' (which I kinda am)state, you realise that all that you were trying to hold was sand which however tight you grasped, slipped by. Then you have your lessons learnt that if you want to hold sand, keep your palm open, facing the sky and sand will stay there till you drop it on ground again. Its not questioning, its these learnings / experiences that I live with.
:P apologies for verbatism!!!!!
hey, so nice to know another Arunima blogs. :-)
make, build, craft, nurture, nourish, manipulate...seems to be quite a task this love, doesn't it?
But guruji, what if the feeling is one-sided? You are stuck in between the trigger and the beginning at all times. She pulls the trigger every time she glances, speaks, appears...yet the love story never actually begins because the femme fatale can't even see your face in the crowd. And when you gather enough courage to go tell her, but get to know that the feeling isn't mutual....what do you then? can you manipulate your thoughts to kill the feeling?
My flight that started when i jumped off the cliff a while back is nearing its end now...i can almost feel the sand on my face...i know it won't taste good...but what the hell, the flight was intoxicating...and i shall jump again :)
Definitely not something I can comment on.. this post was beyong me..
A
hi Aru,
Just discovered your blog. Cool!
Here is mine
www.pritismoments.blogspot.com
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