Love...Does it exist?

A tricky topic...written at the risk of my reputation, yet close to my stubborn heart.

I watched a movie long ago called "Before Sunrise" and recently its sequel "Before Sunset". Ethan Hawke and a french woman meet in Italy on a train and spend an evening and a night together and part before sunrise, promising to meet in 6 months. They never did...11 years later they meet by chance in Paris and spend a day together. Two frustrated individuals totally in tune with each other...the french woman had a boyfriend and Ethan had a wife. They never really forgot each other and were in love.

Is this fantasy, an illusion or a reality?

Where does it start? The first glance, the first conversation or the first touch? Is it any of the firsts at all? Being a bit of a dreamer I choose to believe it is. The realization could be later or may never happen...however the rest is only the rest and comes afterwards.

Coming back to real life...do we as individuals know ourselves well enough to realize a good thing when we see it? Are we conditioned by our experiences or our ambiance to ignore it and look for something more conventional, because love my dear friends I don't believe knows any. It is a risky affair...are we scared and so settle for lukewarm security which we are sure will turn cold. Do we dare to dream?

Love, I believe, starts and ends at you yourself. Are you tuned in with yourself..if not you can forget picking up the frequency of another individual. Do we realize at this moment who we are, what we feel...what we believe in and most importantly where is it all coming from....our past experiences, our observations our conditioning or our insecurities? Can we then on realization drop it and know this may not be who we are? Does your lover or husband or boyfriend help you in this process? Do you help him?

Hundreds of people we interact with...do we have the sensitivity of noticing ourselves independently and not in relation to anyone else? Do we have a relationship with ourselves? If we do there is a strong chance that we will be bold enough to meet and know love and the fun and growth in love.

I have observed the time spent with each other is wonderful to begin with...but then it need not be just to begin with, but it often is. What spoils it? Do we realize that often we ourselves kill it. When one is going forward the other takes two steps behind...If we are changing constantly how can one take the other for granted? Isn't it usually because we are ignorant of the fact that we are changing and the other is also. Do we have the insight to see this?

Love is no guarantee for a successful relationship. But then thats a different topic altogether and will be covered in a different post.

As for the existence of it...we all know the answer in our hearts...we are just too scared to question what we have or have chosen to believe we know. A big clue my humble understanding can give is forget the movies, the good and the bad stories around you...forget what everyone around you says...look inside and follow your dreams...walk on the edge of the cliff if that is what it takes...falling off will be painful...but does that really matter?

The negotiator and his learnings

After experiencing several appraisals, I am constantly amazed how the experience and the after taste of it remains the same year on year, whether you are the appraiser or are being appraised.

Year ZERO ( moved for a high flying role to corporate office )

Boss: This is your comp
Employee: What??? I moved home...how can you do this, how will i eat?
Boss: Its fair
Employee: A US sales role at a peanuts salary.,..you must be joking
Boss: Everyone wanted this role in the company
Employee: Give it to them...this is crazy
Boss: PROVE YOURSELF first
Employee: But isn't that why you shifted me here
Boss: Yes, but we need to show everyone what you can do
Employee: huh..ok..
Boss: he he he

Year 1 ( High flying role turned sour)

Boss: This is your comp for the year
Employee: But..I came here for something else, see whats happened
Boss: we didn't know how it would go, you could've done something else
Employee: what
Boss: you doing very well now...that the roles changed..you have to PROVE YOURSELF
Employee: ok, I am not happy
Boss: hehehe

Year 2 ( Superlative performance, sales role)

Boss: This is what you get this year
Employee: But I took home 50% more last year
Boss: Thats for a superlative performance.,...you did very well, salaries sky rocket in sales over achievement...this year we don't know how you would do in the new role, you asked for the move, we didn't.
Employee: But if i did so well...shouldn't my comp be better this year.
Boss: You got loads of incentive
Employee: What about this year
Boss; PROVE YOURSELF...
Employee: isn't that what i did
Boss: No..past is forgotten..but future is important, lets see what you do tis year
Employee: But what about present now...isn't my comp based on past performance and future expectation
Boss: Yes, but we think we are fair
Employee: (totally flabbergasted) Ok I want a sabbatical for 3 months
Boss: Take one month
Employee: I am sick now, I wanna leave
Boss: ok take 3 months...no comp talk
Employee: Did i hear right?
Boss: we'll tell you what you have to do when you come back.
Employee: hehehe ok

Last year: (changed roles..no clue of whats expected and what should you do year)
Boss: This is what we thought you should get
Employee: but..why...market rate...i expected...
Boss: Yeah but this is what we didnt make ( or did make) from you...
Employee: Made from me? Should I now sell my soul?
Boss: No..just make enough for the company, You got a great role now PROVE YOURSELF
Employee: I give 9 hrs of my life everyday for years now...if you want more...tell me what can I do
Boss: No you are very good..figure it out
Employee: I want 30% more than what you mentioned
Boss: Ok lets keep it at 20% more.
Employee: Ok (hmm...aah...did i agree too soon...huh...did i quote to less)
Boss: hehehe...ok bye

(pls note no talk of training, improving, scope, etc etc etc etc...all that can make the performance better next year)

Commonality in experience: Never happy with comp whether you do well or no...always need to prove yourself whether you do well or no... The boss always gets the last word...The only happy employee took a sabbatical and for once went out of the comp race...

Life has so much more to it than work...somehow can we expand our horizons of thought and reach beyond the immediate life that we lead everyday...have a vision, but keep our eyes on here and now.

The perfect balance -the mind is important to know how here and now is important, see what you are doing...is it value adding to you and people around you
yet..be in touch with your heart and know this may not be what you really are made for..

come away with me

A lazy afternoon…rain…the perfect day.
A distant dream
A beautiful song
A blank mind and a softened heart

I close my eyes and see my home…I smell the sea breeze
Eggs cooking in the kitchen
Bacon in the oven
Coffee smells so good

A faraway bird struggling against the breeze
Few fisherman boats
The sea is calm…the waves are still

A few guests
Still caught up in last nights discussions
The old authors wise look
The sounds of laughter
The peace of my being

Where have I been all along?

I open my eyes
Life has just beckoned..come away with me to where you really wanna be!

Hitting the nail on the head!

People think---without knowing---that they know. That is a great danger... A a few books they would have studied, and a few practices they might have made. They might have met a few people here and there, may have met a few saints, too. But then they start thinking they know it all, they have it all. And they start arguing, quoting the scriptures and arguing. Love cannot blossom in such a situation.

The Man in the mirror

One of the best songs ever written... How often do we look at ourselves in the mirror, how often have we seen the angel and the devil in us. Have we been able to accept both of them?

I have a few theories on peace -

a) The ability to dissociate yourself from a situation, feeling, thought etc.,.works till the time something out of the way comes around and you are back to square one. Its true problems in our lives are never the ones that we constantly worry about..but hit us at 4.00pm one fine day out of the blue...and there goes the peace.

b) The feeling after meditating...when you have been silent for hours...when all your energies are in a uniform flow and coincide with the cosmic energy..yeah I have felt it...till the time you dont have enough time to practice meditation and yet again you are back from where you started.

c) Yeah when things happen your way..you get the promotion or when someone has been very loving towards you..or when you go on that one holiday and stand alongside nature and experience the peace around you....well I think times when you are very happy are the same as times when you are very sad and your activity or the haze in your mind are exactly the same..just two sides of different coins...

Then where will one get long lasting peace which is unfazed by circumstances, environment, people, thoughts and feelings? Does such a thing exist?

I believe if I look at the person in the mirror and at any point of time am able to look her in the eye and said baby you did the best you could, based on the values you know and what you thought is the right thing to do...this will give you peace in moments that you need it the most. The others could just be a little difficult to sustain.

So I am starting with the Man in the mirror
and I am asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place to live
You look at yourself and make a change!!!