Rohan's Birth - Part 2

Birthing is personal..very personal to the mum, dad and the little baby.

Am writing this post to urge mothers to trust their bodies and take control of this wonderful experience. This is the one time that you as a woman can experience so many emotions together - extreme joy, wonder, peace and togetherness with your husband and baby. This is the absolute first day of your baby in this world, its our responsibility to make it wonderful and peaceful. Everythings registering in the little ones subconscious mind.

It helps to be prepared, it helps to read up...it helps to de-condition your mind. De-condition your mind from all those screaming images we see on TV, from all those extra tips we get from everyone around who use the word pain, c-sec, epidural, hospital, doctors, labor rooms so easily and relate these terms to delivery.

We in India are just so ready to give up control and give it to our elders, our docs and that too without questioning?

Well the day Rohan was born is going to be etched in my memory forever. I remember when he came out of me and Doc put him on my tummy..Sanjay beside me and Rohan with his big eyes full of wonder looking at me questioning me curiously. Then he wailed..a happy wail I think.

My birthing was personal and the fact is that it was me who gave birth to Rohan, I was in control all the while. At 4.00am when the surges started..all I felt was excitement...the wait of 9 months was nearly over. This is how it happened.

The fact is that I was prepared and I read up. Divya's hypnobirthing classes were great...Every belief of mine while birthing was reinstated during these classes. The fact is that the belief and need has to be yours, an expert like Divya can only show you the way...you have to take it.

Rohans' Birth - Part 1

Am writing this down to savor the feeling in my memory forever.

It started last november. We wanted Rohan in our lives and so he was conceived. In 3 months we were convinced that births in India were not our cup of tea. I hear now this is how its in any city which is slightly developed. Its possible that we are too used to having access to information in our careers and listening to instinct. So we decided to take a rain check and read up.

Our gynaec was in India's super specialty hospital, recommended by all colleagues and friends and a great doc. But with every visit I was convinced that I was a patient, who had had an appendicitis surgery, that c-secs were how things happen nowadays and since I was not below 30, it would be difficult for me to deliver my baby normally. Did I believe all this...not for a moment..you see am quite pig headed about having things done my way if i instinctively feel its right.

Any ways I kept gaining weight as I was asked to not exercise etc etc..in the interim I googled on normal delivery and got several articles in Lamaze classes, hypno birthing, water deliveries and this birthing center in assa goan, Goa.

Now Goa being our second (or maybe first home) we went to take a look and I fell in love with the birthing center and this lovely german midwife - Corina. She spent more time with me in that one visit, than the docs had done in the last six months. I felt she was sizing me up, checking if I had it in me before she accepts to be my midwife. She re enforced all my beliefs and spoke about birthing being oh so easy...' You'll be back home in 2 - 3 hrs' and then she would visit everyday to check on us.

Now logistics made Goa impossible..so Now all the search started in Delhi - where the names Urvashi Sehgal and Divya Deswal kept coming up..thanks to Divya's Blog I decided to visit her at The Phoenix hospital in delhi. Then there was no looking back..a lady whose confidence and the love for what she did was something I see in very few people. We signed up for Hypno birthing classes and a water birth at Phoenix...and then experienced the magic!!!

To be continued.....

A letter

My dearest unborn child,

It doesnt matter to me if you are a daughter or a son....it doesn't matter to me whether you look like me or your dad. I look forward to looking at your tiny face and to look into your eyes to see who are you.

I yearn to recognize that little individual that you are. I aspire to teach you some stuff I have picked up or learnt in all these years, which is not much as I am sure you need to learn things for yourself. I look forward to see what life means to you and what is important to you. I am waiting to see how we connect and how that connection keeps changing as we both grow.

I welcome you into our lives and our world with a lot of love

Your Mom

Will 24 hrs be enough?

My goodness the coming 2nd half of the year is going to be action packed for sure...

New baby, new job profile, lose 15 kgs....wonder if 24 hrs a day will be enough...and mind it all of it is something that I wanted and badly so have no reason to complaint...except for the weight loss.

Well i have never been a great believer of multi tasking...Change the one thing you want in your team or work...concentrate on one thing every month...Now I think thats gone outta the window..

Come september its gonna be a mad rush, but am going to be on the top of it...how? I dont know....yet.

Farewell 2008

As I bid farewell to 2008, I reflect - its been pretty good - for one my life changed and has forever been changing every month since last jan...

as i see the events...got married on 10th Jan..markets crashed some week later....nevertheless big milestones in life crossed i guess - got married, bought a dream house, life moving ahead with jet speed...went to maldives & thailand..saw the taj, ramgarh, rajasthan..discovered club football (never thought I would enjoy it as much as country ever), learnt to cook pretty well i must say..got closer to family!!!

one huge setback was ofcourse was the fact that I became notionally poor from being notionally rich!!!

as I bid adieu i pray for a better 2009 financially, a more exciting place to stay and more interesting work to do and more enjoyable company to be in. I pray to strengthen relations I need to work on and I pray for more laughter and joy in all lives around. Amen ;)

Wish everyone a fantastic & fun filled new year!!!

A beautiful initiative

Its that easy to make a difference in thousands of lives -


The September Campaign Trailer from charity: water on Vimeo.

When you disconnect with yourself, you disconnect with the world

We all live under the same sun

Yes we all live under the same sun..

Its a wonder how we are so quick to point out someone else's fault. We have our own agendas, this may or may not match with the others around us. This often leads to confusion and conflict. The fact in any conflict is that the two people do not see eye to eye and this may lead to a blame game.

The fact also is that we are all trying and trying hard to work on our agenda towards our own goal. In the corporate world, if the goals are pre defined, it often solves a lot of issues. But in the absence, ambiguity prevails and leads to chaos.

In a training program, a nice old man called Zayed Ganjee asked us..How much do you know the people you work with? We were too quick to say quite well...but do we really see each other? Do we know what are the challenges faced by our own colleagues?

To know a person, its important to spend some time in listening to another person. Yet we often dont have time to. How are we different now than we were at college? With not much other than studies and exams on our minds, we had a lot of time where we heard each other out. We knew what our friends were going through. We helped them crack that econometrics paper they were struggling with. Do we do this now? Yes we do it with our teams, but isnt it necessary to do it others without an agenda in our mind as well?

Life was so beautiful when we spent time with each other and really helped another. As we grow, we also become judgemental, this often is limited by our own perceptions and this prevents us from forming real relationships. It is true that there are people and there always will be people who out of insecurity, knowingly or unknowingly, will harm you. But in the larger scale of things this evens out. Knowing this why cant being aware of the harm the other person is trying to do, just rise above and let it go. Its easy and necessary to do.

I have often thought of myself as a very simple person, whose needs can be met by just a little of what life has to offer. I aspire to lead a simple life near a beach running a small business which sustains itself and me & my family. Meeting interesting travelers and listening to their stories..but that doesnt mean I will not meet all kinds of folks..there will be feathers ruffled even then...the fact is that the key is to rise above and see why a person is behaving the way he or she is and then letting it go. This comes only with a lot of sensitivity and belief in oneself because in the end we are all here on a journey which will end someday. Lets make the most of it and be as adventurous as we can..there is so much to see in this beautiful world. Who really has the time to ponder on another's motive. Life seems unfair at times, but in the long run it all evens out for everyone.

Cheers folks to all of your lives and mine..the celebration will carry on!

Imprisoned....

Another year gone by and I maintain status quo....
for how long I wonder will this continue..

I yearn for a more simple life
I yearn to be more in touch with my surroundings and people
I yearn for interesting company
I yearn to learn from their varied experiences

I am scared that I might have turned out to be exactly what i was afraid of.
I need to jump from the cliff to fly....
what stops me is not the depth
but the imaginary chains that have clasped me
not just my body but my mind....

I need to break free...to save my soul...

Not so smart!!

I think I have had a wonderful life. Its been a life full of extreme experiences, thrills, great times, not so great times. As I sit and reflect now...I believe I have always come out of it on the top. I made tonnes of mistakes and learn t, and that is learnt real fast.

Have you made huge statements like - phew now that that is over, I think I can handle anything that comes my way. I am smart and knowledgeable and (eer...) invincible, so nothing can go wrong. Well have you also smiled at that later thinking how naive you were. Trust me and my over bearing self, I have oft thought it that way and laughed at my self later.

For my lifetime or whatever recollection I have of it, I have always thought about how every individual in a relationship - could be with friends, siblings, parents and most of all spouses should all have independent lives. Parents must not interfere too much in their childrens affairs and vice versa, a husband and a wife must also (not only) have their own group of friends and also go out with them independently.

I had the opportunity to interact with some beautiful souls. These guys are people who are fighting hard to get over some addiction. In my books they are not much different from those successful guys who own billion dollar companies..trust me when I say this..there is that element which is unknown which makes the world go around I guess thats responsible...not just for your failures, but also for your success.

Now when u are fighting to give up alcohol or drugs...its easy to slip. Its that 30 seconds which if you can control, the urge vanishes and you can be clean afterwards...Its just that 30 seconds which makes all the difference and the stakes here are large.

Folks we all have to learn this about life and I must say I need to keep this lesson in mind. Its just that 30 seconds to control that urge to say something mean or hurtful, its just that 30 seconds to not eat that lovely scrumptious looking doughnut, and its just that 30 seconds for you to control your anger which is usually mis guided anyways.

Late one night while watching a football match, I ate 2 scoops of ice cream, trust me...i needn't have and somewhere didnt want to...but the urge!!! Its this urge that I am talking about.

I may go a step ahead and say...we all get numerous thoughts in our head...positive as well as negative thoughts, some make you think that you have lost it. Folks...I think its our mind and the effort it makes that is the problem, it tries to fight against those negative thoughts. A thought is a thought...if we just let it come and go...its gone...whats the big deal. Its just when we attribute some 10,000 other thoughts to it...does it persist.

You know..you may have all the knowledge in the world, yet that fact is that you slip. I did...and I am not as smart as I thought I was.

you maybe right...

The one thing that I am extremely passionate about is individuality and space. As i stare out in the dark night, I wonder...am i losing it?

I think a couple of months in a life of 70-80 years is irrelevant and does not define you by any standards so not much is lost. But yes you do need reminders, kicks from people around you if they suspect you are not being you.

Another secret I think about life is that there are phases, ups and downs at work and in life in general. The ups are great...but what do you do when things are down?

I suggest be by yourself, maintain a low profile...work on what you like doing...could be blogging, reading, meditating, going on a vacation alone, staying alone at home and listening to your kind of music, pursuing a hobby, spending time with family...whatever it is that helps you reconnect with your self.

The self has tremendous power...its true you can make things happen...all you need is to reconnect with yourself to understand whats happening around you and in a second things change.

We all at times loose the connection - you need to repair it and live on.

Now thats the easy part - the tougher is actually understanding why you lost that connection. A loss in connection I guess happens when you get too busy at times at work, at times thinking about others, at times by just spending too much time on non constrictive thoughts. It may also happen because of conditioning - a change in life and you do not know how conditioning and past experiences have worked on your subconscious mind and you behave as you must and not maybe not as you want to.

What is important is to realize....work upon it and there you are as good as new.. or should I say as good as your old self ;)

The world is getting closer...

I cannot begin to explain how much I appreciate the internet...

Being an avid surfer and blogger... I must go a step ahead and say..that the contribution of the internet for making me stay in touch with the person I am ( i.e. without defining who exactly I am :) ) is tremendous...makes me want to make some big contribution back to the world wide web...Just dont' know yet what its going to be.

Its easy to wander off in life...yet the one para you read in someones blog just reconnects you with yourself... Today it was shekhar kapur ...tomo it could be anyone

You reach a stage in your company where you don't know if its the right time to move on and you read a blog of a product guy in a very successful company who left it...and says - stay hungry...stay foolish.

I have read arguments about people becoming loners and spending all their time on the internet...really dont know how is that possible...its just a media...extreme stories would exist without the existence of the media as well.

Networking sites is the next email I think...what could better than wishing all you know good morning early morning...in 2 seconds? Don't think its a waste of time at all. Its just networking :)

What could be easier if you want to pull pack and not be in touch with anyone...all you need to do is not logon.

Am waiting for the next phase...I think it will be the lightening fast internet I read about in TOI a few days back...the only thing that limits the internet possibilities and usage in India is the speed & cost & entrepreneurial talent... I wonder how will it be 2 yrs down the line or maybe 5...maybe the world would have changed again...what fun :)

Is innovation promoted in your company?

Ok folks...writing a serious topic on a rather light note.

Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple falling triggered a whole new set of laws of physics. What if he had to come to his lab at 9.00am and leave at 6.30pm. I wonder if he would be able to see the apple at night :)

I believe there ar 3 imp skills sets which every growing company must have.
1) People who come up with ideas, build businesses from zilch to .1. These guys cannot be contained by things like timing, rules, comparative politics within an organization. It absolutely hinders any ideation process.

2) People who can take .1 to 10. Guys who have imagination but need a framework or a skeleton. They will push businesses from mere ideas to a working machine.

3) The savvy scalers.... Guys who can take a business from 10 to 100. They will take the working machine and completely scale it to new heights .

The fact is that newtons contribution to physics, mathematics as well as optics is beyond imagination, however he did get eccentric at the end of his life...was it alchemy that he sought? which led him to do experiments on himself will never be clear. The fact is that a creative mind like his will not be bounded and will go ahead with what it wants to do not keeping in mind the requirements of day to day life.

Can we as normal people actually find out what is whose skill set (very tough if we actually start doing this) and accordingly allot them work..or are we as companies and maybe even as a society churning out clones? Are our policies, organisation structures, renumeration packages supporting this differentiation?

The fact is scalers will need discipline, but innovaters might need a completely different ambiance.

Chicken and egg - blame the person or the workplace... the fact is that both lose out on their talent potential.

Straight from the heart

Its been 7 years.

However it doesn't feel too long yet. I wonder now if its time to move on. At times you are stuck in situations which are nobody's fault, yet they occur. The feeling of being a stranger, or being distrusted, or being in the midst of folks you gotto live with but are totally unlike you and all because you are hanging on to a memory of past happiness and satisfaction seems foolish.

We had the same dreams, the same goals, we totally believed and trusted each other, yet cracks appeared. Some faults were mine and some were not.

At times to grow you need to leave the familiar behind and explore unchartered waters, push yourself to the edge to the cliff to fly. Its necessary to do...yet you leave a lot behind. A tough choice...and the only person who will be affected is me.

Money Talks

I feel fear. It was an alien concept to me. Yet I feel fear now.

I really ought to think of whats the worst that can go wrong..? My car could get stolen, my bosses could get non supportive and dis believing, my house could get robbed, all my savings could vanish as the stock market could reach 12000 points. (not far from reality). It could also be all of the above as I have observed thats the way life works. When you get, you usually get more than required and when u lose, it could be everything.

Another point of deep thought of all of the above is that it is all related to money!

How did I start thinking so much about money. This slowly creeped up from nowhere maybe a couple of years back when my company went in for an IPO. How peaceful was it when I didnt have any money...just getting a little bit of it gives it an opportunity to control me.

Is anything really the worst thing that could happen? If my savings vanish or the markets touch 10,000 points or I lose my job...will it not be a blessing in disguise. Warren Buffet became the richest man in the world - he says when markets get jittery, maintain your cool, have a long term vision, look for buying opportunities. Another colleague says pray you can be solvent before the markets revive...which never usually happens.

As i take a rain check of what I think - though intellectually I agree with Warren Buffet, I think it could be a blessing in disguise and more than that I think I am just gonna chuck it...so what if you lose some savings in the short term or so what if you chuck a non cooperative job...the universe always has something in store for you.

"Disagreeing without being disagreeable"

It took me 9 yrs and Senator Obama's blog (which I got referred to by the India uncut blog) to really understand one of the most positive traits for success and leadership. This my friends applies to the corporate world as much as it applies to Politics.

My blindness surprises me as the biggest example of this trait is my CEO, who I have had the opportunity to interact with for long now.

We often lose our cool in meetings, especially when it is a topic we are passionate about. We also seldom have patience with colleagues, friends who disagree with us. It could be about a promotion idea, a new product or feature discussion or it could be about something as mundane as how to drive a car by the rules. Do we discuss, talk without belittling the other?

I know people who do and they are a league apart from the rest. I have much to know and change within myself to point fingers at others here.I have grown wiser today. So I end this blog here with a quote from Obama's blog -

"In fact, I would argue that the most powerful voices of change in the country, from Lincoln to King, have been those who can speak with the utmost conviction about the great issues of the day without ever belittling those who opposed them, and without denying the limits of their own perspectives."

About work

I learnt -

1) If you put your heart in your work..there will be tonnes of people who will tear it out..why do I still do it?

2) Scavengers of the corporate world roam about in disguises.

3) I am never able to say anything mean when the person who has said something hurtful deserves to hear it. I can think of a lot of things to say post the moment passes..

4) Insecure people are worse to work with than arrogant especially if they are your seniors. (maybe its a camouflage of the same emotion)

5) Inertia is a strong word

6) So is money...in fact stronger.

7) I have not yet found what I am looking for in terms of work...but I know that it exists...

8) Not everyone is like you and 98% of people you work with do not realize this.

9) The ability to put yourself in another one's shoe is with just a handful of people and you can always count them on your fingers.

10) You should only leave when you are doing extremely well and not when you are not...

11) You make very few real relationships at work..maybe just a couple and definitely not more.

12) A work relationship is very transactional and hence people give just 20% of themselves to the output.

13) The few people who are able to reach the person beyond just a transaction actually transform lives and make the iphones.

14) Its of no use taking anything from work back home...more work or emotion...all should be left at office before you start that car.

P.S: Now you know how angry I might be currently..Thanks folks that was a fantastic venting out for me

The intention theory

I was at dinner at this awesome Chinese joint in Bandra (forgive me for forgetting the name...but it is worth mentioning as the food was really awesome) with family and some one casually mentioned the words...' yes thats the intention theory'....a lovely term for this blog.

For the past few years...these thoughts have repeatedly come to my mind. The surprising thing is that recently wherever I go...there is a mention of it. It magically comes up and gets affirmed by way of a book i read or someone else having experienced it or just talking about it. Signs the universe is giving I guess.

But yes...its rather miraculous...if you really want something...all you need to do is wish for it.

Ok this is my take on what some of us might have experienced....Its crazy how we humans do not at most times really know what we wish for. There is a disagreement between our conscious mind and our inner self on what we really want. Since we only realize what our conscious mind is saying and its usually cluttered by an overload of information - conditioning, society do's and don'ts, family/friends/colleagues and their thoughts etc etc...we feel that this is what we want when we do not really want it. And when we don't get what we think we want...we get into this entire circle of despair at various levels. We miss the point that the inner self really did not want it...so has created circumstances ,which the conscious mind is unable to comprehend, which ensures that we do not get it.

Well whats the use one might ask. If we think that we want it and we do not get it and have to go through despair...whats the use of the entire wishing business.

:) All I can say is that if you have not got the point...too bad. A clue I can give is focus on the inner self..get to know it...and you will get whatever it is that you truly have wished for...whether it is a billion dollars or a beach house on an exotic island...or maybe you want to be that one person who makes a difference to a million lives....

I lately have put a number to the amount of money I want by 2010...I now have a sneaky feeling that this wish may be corroded by friends I interact with daily(hopefully not)....I think I need to know what is it that I wish for...what is it that I am going to definitely get.....a paradox is'nt it ;)

The next step

Folks...its a funny feeling, open questions which I was struggling for years got answered and the ease is what amazes me. Like a great man said...if you have a question that you are unable to find answers for stay with it...it will come to you. Patience is the greatest virtue I tell you.

You may ask..what questions are these..which were so critical that I looked for answers for years?...well the wonder is that if you ask me I do not even remember..knowledge gained assimilates in your life like the air you breathe....you are not even conscious that its there...but you do feel uplifted.

And you know what else have I realized...that the same questions if asked to me by someone else...I would be clueless as to what should I say...and even if I attempt an answer, it would be quite meaningless to the person asking. I don't think I would even want to answer. Everyone finds their own answers...you can only be a catalyst and I have realized you are usually a catalyst when you don't intend to be one. Just be yourself...full stop. Who ever wants to pick up whatever from the person you are will do so without you trying to explain it.

Well now what one might wonder...if you ask me...I do not have a clue. The search continues...and this time it would be for better ways to celebrate life. Questions like the purpose of my life, I am in no hurry to know.

Yes...it does makes a world of difference

There are so many worlds...

Victors world is full of fun, he made a lot of money, he loves his wife, he parties..he travels. He has seen ups and downs and has learnt how to handle them. He enjoys every day that comes. Yes there are boring days..but thats alright...he has his eye on how to have fun.

Kens world is perfect, so it appears..he has lovely kids, a great job, a beautiful wife..yet somewhere he wonders if he has forgotten himself...why this feeling of emptiness? He did exactly what his world said he must do..then why is he feeling that his life has no meaning now? Maybe somewhere he didnt question his world...maybe he lived in his dad's world and forgot to make a world of his own.

Sarah, bought up by very orthodox and simple parents turned out to be a beautiful modern day woman whose job is to shape the minds of the future of her country. She too questioned the values she was bought up with and came up with her own. She is certainly happy. There were times she almost gave up when she hit rock bottom..not an easy path questioning, experimenting...yet she is soaring high now.

There are maybe a billion worlds in this planet....but thats not what this post is about.

Its been a lovely journey...and its going to take a turn. A search of what seemed like a lifetime has ended. A different search needs to begin...maybe a more difficult search of the self....I think it just got easier to look within.....the yearning and excitement is difficult to contain as i wont be alone. Never one to enjoy working alone...I certainly did a good job of living alone.

I am waiting to rediscover my world and it will be with some help...and yes it does make a world of difference.