the full circle that is life....

Rohan's Birth - Part 2

2010-03-29T11:36:00.005+05:30

Birthing is personal..very personal to the mum, dad and the little baby.

Am writing this post to urge mothers to trust their bodies and take control of this wonderful experience. This is the one time that you as a woman can experience so many emotions together - extreme joy, wonder, peace and togetherness with your husband and baby. This is the absolute first day of your baby in this world, its our responsibility to make it wonderful and peaceful. Everythings registering in the little ones subconscious mind.

It helps to be prepared, it helps to read up...it helps to de-condition your mind. De-condition your mind from all those screaming images we see on TV, from all those extra tips we get from everyone around who use the word pain, c-sec, epidural, hospital, doctors, labor rooms so easily and relate these terms to delivery.

We in India are just so ready to give up control and give it to our elders, our docs and that too without questioning?

Well the day Rohan was born is going to be etched in my memory forever. I remember when he came out of me and Doc put him on my tummy..Sanjay beside me and Rohan with his big eyes full of wonder looking at me questioning me curiously. Then he wailed..a happy wail I think.

My birthing was personal and the fact is that it was me who gave birth to Rohan, I was in control all the while. At 4.00am when the surges started..all I felt was excitement...the wait of 9 months was nearly over. This is how it happened.

The fact is that I was prepared and I read up. Divya's hypnobirthing classes were great...Every belief of mine while birthing was reinstated during these classes. The fact is that the belief and need has to be yours, an expert like Divya can only show you the way...you have to take it.

Rohans' Birth - Part 1

2009-08-07T13:06:00.005+05:30

Am writing this down to savor the feeling in my memory forever.

It started last november. We wanted Rohan in our lives and so he was conceived. In 3 months we were convinced that births in India were not our cup of tea. I hear now this is how its in any city which is slightly developed. Its possible that we are too used to having access to information in our careers and listening to instinct. So we decided to take a rain check and read up.

Our gynaec was in India's super specialty hospital, recommended by all colleagues and friends and a great doc. But with every visit I was convinced that I was a patient, who had had an appendicitis surgery, that c-secs were how things happen nowadays and since I was not below 30, it would be difficult for me to deliver my baby normally. Did I believe all this...not for a moment..you see am quite pig headed about having things done my way if i instinctively feel its right.

Any ways I kept gaining weight as I was asked to not exercise etc etc..in the interim I googled on normal delivery and got several articles in Lamaze classes, hypno birthing, water deliveries and this birthing center in assa goan, Goa.

Now Goa being our second (or maybe first home) we went to take a look and I fell in love with the birthing center and this lovely german midwife - Corina. She spent more time with me in that one visit, than the docs had done in the last six months. I felt she was sizing me up, checking if I had it in me before she accepts to be my midwife. She re enforced all my beliefs and spoke about birthing being oh so easy...' You'll be back home in 2 - 3 hrs' and then she would visit everyday to check on us.

Now logistics made Goa impossible..so Now all the search started in Delhi - where the names Urvashi Sehgal and Divya Deswal kept coming up..thanks to Divya's Blog I decided to visit her at The Phoenix hospital in delhi. Then there was no looking back..a lady whose confidence and the love for what she did was something I see in very few people. We signed up for Hypno birthing classes and a water birth at Phoenix...and then experienced the magic!!!

To be continued.....

A letter

2009-07-17T15:28:00.003+05:30

My dearest unborn child,

It doesnt matter to me if you are a daughter or a son....it doesn't matter to me whether you look like me or your dad. I look forward to looking at your tiny face and to look into your eyes to see who are you.

I yearn to recognize that little individual that you are. I aspire to teach you some stuff I have picked up or learnt in all these years, which is not much as I am sure you need to learn things for yourself. I look forward to see what life means to you and what is important to you. I am waiting to see how we connect and how that connection keeps changing as we both grow.

I welcome you into our lives and our world with a lot of love

Your Mom

Ramblings of a psychotic mind

2009-07-02T15:02:00.002+05:30

Am telling you folks!! have you ever felt that you may have lost your marbles??

Where is the woman who started writing this blog gone??? No idea !! Well am penning this as I want to be able to reflect after a couple of years which path have I actually followed.

Well they say it could be because I am all of 9 months pregnant and feel that my body is taken over completely. But its not my body that I have a problem with...its my mind! It just never relaxes lately...have learnt techniques of making my body relax thru breathing in preparation for d-day...but my mind...it just is not with me...

This minute its as peaceful as can be and the next I am biting someones head off!! Goodness gracious... Since I have another 35 days or so to go - I think am gonna practice the following

1. Not stress about mundane activities..the moment I start stressing...will switch off. Well they say an action helps - will whack my butt with both hands to remind me to switch off. That should be a funny sight...dont think I will be able to reach it the rate at which I am growing big!!

2. Walk for 40 minutes atleast 4 times a week and if I am not able to will give up some other work to do it.

3. The moment I see I am un-necessarily raising my voice - will raise my hand instead and stop!!

4. Try and get 30 minutes sleep at work in the creche above...might gimme a lil more energy during the day!

5. On sunday not go out for more than 2 hrs - stay at home and relax. Can go for a movie though.

Hope this helps!!

Will 24 hrs be enough?

2009-05-15T13:34:00.003+05:30

My goodness the coming 2nd half of the year is going to be action packed for sure...

New baby, new job profile, lose 15 kgs....wonder if 24 hrs a day will be enough...and mind it all of it is something that I wanted and badly so have no reason to complaint...except for the weight loss.

Well i have never been a great believer of multi tasking...Change the one thing you want in your team or work...concentrate on one thing every month...Now I think thats gone outta the window..

Come september its gonna be a mad rush, but am going to be on the top of it...how? I dont know....yet.

Farewell 2008

2008-12-31T15:39:00.002+05:30

As I bid farewell to 2008, I reflect - its been pretty good - for one my life changed and has forever been changing every month since last jan...

as i see the events...got married on 10th Jan..markets crashed some week later....nevertheless big milestones in life crossed i guess - got married, bought a dream house, life moving ahead with jet speed...went to maldives & thailand..saw the taj, ramgarh, rajasthan..discovered club football (never thought I would enjoy it as much as country ever), learnt to cook pretty well i must say..got closer to family!!!

one huge setback was ofcourse was the fact that I became notionally poor from being notionally rich!!!

as I bid adieu i pray for a better 2009 financially, a more exciting place to stay and more interesting work to do and more enjoyable company to be in. I pray to strengthen relations I need to work on and I pray for more laughter and joy in all lives around. Amen ;)

Wish everyone a fantastic & fun filled new year!!!

A beautiful initiative

2008-09-04T10:33:00.003+05:30

Its that easy to make a difference in thousands of lives -

The September Campaign Trailer from charity: water on Vimeo.

When you disconnect with yourself, you disconnect with the world

2008-08-12T17:03:00.001+05:30

We all live under the same sun

2008-05-20T19:55:00.007+05:30

Yes we all live under the same sun..

Its a wonder how we are so quick to point out someone else's fault. We have our own agendas, this may or may not match with the others around us. This often leads to confusion and conflict. The fact in any conflict is that the two people do not see eye to eye and this may lead to a blame game.

The fact also is that we are all trying and trying hard to work on our agenda towards our own goal. In the corporate world, if the goals are pre defined, it often solves a lot of issues. But in the absence, ambiguity prevails and leads to chaos.

In a training program, a nice old man called Zayed Ganjee asked us..How much do you know the people you work with? We were too quick to say quite well...but do we really see each other? Do we know what are the challenges faced by our own colleagues?

To know a person, its important to spend some time in listening to another person. Yet we often dont have time to. How are we different now than we were at college? With not much other than studies and exams on our minds, we had a lot of time where we heard each other out. We knew what our friends were going through. We helped them crack that econometrics paper they were struggling with. Do we do this now? Yes we do it with our teams, but isnt it necessary to do it others without an agenda in our mind as well?

Life was so beautiful when we spent time with each other and really helped another. As we grow, we also become judgemental, this often is limited by our own perceptions and this prevents us from forming real relationships. It is true that there are people and there always will be people who out of insecurity, knowingly or unknowingly, will harm you. But in the larger scale of things this evens out. Knowing this why cant being aware of the harm the other person is trying to do, just rise above and let it go. Its easy and necessary to do.

I have often thought of myself as a very simple person, whose needs can be met by just a little of what life has to offer. I aspire to lead a simple life near a beach running a small business which sustains itself and me & my family. Meeting interesting travelers and listening to their stories..but that doesnt mean I will not meet all kinds of folks..there will be feathers ruffled even then...the fact is that the key is to rise above and see why a person is behaving the way he or she is and then letting it go. This comes only with a lot of sensitivity and belief in oneself because in the end we are all here on a journey which will end someday. Lets make the most of it and be as adventurous as we can..there is so much to see in this beautiful world. Who really has the time to ponder on another's motive. Life seems unfair at times, but in the long run it all evens out for everyone.

Cheers folks to all of your lives and mine..the celebration will carry on!

Imprisoned....

2008-05-09T15:08:00.003+05:30

Another year gone by and I maintain status quo....
for how long I wonder will this continue..

I yearn for a more simple life
I yearn to be more in touch with my surroundings and people
I yearn for interesting company
I yearn to learn from their varied experiences

I am scared that I might have turned out to be exactly what i was afraid of.
I need to jump from the cliff to fly....
what stops me is not the depth
but the imaginary chains that have clasped me
not just my body but my mind....

I need to break free...to save my soul...

Not so smart!!

2008-05-02T10:32:00.004+05:30

I think I have had a wonderful life. Its been a life full of extreme experiences, thrills, great times, not so great times. As I sit and reflect now...I believe I have always come out of it on the top. I made tonnes of mistakes and learn t, and that is learnt real fast.

Have you made huge statements like - phew now that that is over, I think I can handle anything that comes my way. I am smart and knowledgeable and (eer...) invincible, so nothing can go wrong. Well have you also smiled at that later thinking how naive you were. Trust me and my over bearing self, I have oft thought it that way and laughed at my self later.

For my lifetime or whatever recollection I have of it, I have always thought about how every individual in a relationship - could be with friends, siblings, parents and most of all spouses should all have independent lives. Parents must not interfere too much in their childrens affairs and vice versa, a husband and a wife must also (not only) have their own group of friends and also go out with them independently.

I had the opportunity to interact with some beautiful souls. These guys are people who are fighting hard to get over some addiction. In my books they are not much different from those successful guys who own billion dollar companies..trust me when I say this..there is that element which is unknown which makes the world go around I guess thats responsible...not just for your failures, but also for your success.

Now when u are fighting to give up alcohol or drugs...its easy to slip. Its that 30 seconds which if you can control, the urge vanishes and you can be clean afterwards...Its just that 30 seconds which makes all the difference and the stakes here are large.

Folks we all have to learn this about life and I must say I need to keep this lesson in mind. Its just that 30 seconds to control that urge to say something mean or hurtful, its just that 30 seconds to not eat that lovely scrumptious looking doughnut, and its just that 30 seconds for you to control your anger which is usually mis guided anyways.

Late one night while watching a football match, I ate 2 scoops of ice cream, trust me...i needn't have and somewhere didnt want to...but the urge!!! Its this urge that I am talking about.

I may go a step ahead and say...we all get numerous thoughts in our head...positive as well as negative thoughts, some make you think that you have lost it. Folks...I think its our mind and the effort it makes that is the problem, it tries to fight against those negative thoughts. A thought is a thought...if we just let it come and go...its gone...whats the big deal. Its just when we attribute some 10,000 other thoughts to it...does it persist.

You know..you may have all the knowledge in the world, yet that fact is that you slip. I did...and I am not as smart as I thought I was.

you maybe right...

2008-04-28T00:31:00.003+05:30

The one thing that I am extremely passionate about is individuality and space. As i stare out in the dark night, I wonder...am i losing it?

I think a couple of months in a life of 70-80 years is irrelevant and does not define you by any standards so not much is lost. But yes you do need reminders, kicks from people around you if they suspect you are not being you.

Another secret I think about life is that there are phases, ups and downs at work and in life in general. The ups are great...but what do you do when things are down?

I suggest be by yourself, maintain a low profile...work on what you like doing...could be blogging, reading, meditating, going on a vacation alone, staying alone at home and listening to your kind of music, pursuing a hobby, spending time with family...whatever it is that helps you reconnect with your self.

The self has tremendous power...its true you can make things happen...all you need is to reconnect with yourself to understand whats happening around you and in a second things change.

We all at times loose the connection - you need to repair it and live on.

Now thats the easy part - the tougher is actually understanding why you lost that connection. A loss in connection I guess happens when you get too busy at times at work, at times thinking about others, at times by just spending too much time on non constrictive thoughts. It may also happen because of conditioning - a change in life and you do not know how conditioning and past experiences have worked on your subconscious mind and you behave as you must and not maybe not as you want to.

What is important is to realize....work upon it and there you are as good as new.. or should I say as good as your old self ;)

The world is getting closer...

2008-04-14T13:22:00.003+05:30

I cannot begin to explain how much I appreciate the internet...

Being an avid surfer and blogger... I must go a step ahead and say..that the contribution of the internet for making me stay in touch with the person I am ( i.e. without defining who exactly I am :) ) is tremendous...makes me want to make some big contribution back to the world wide web...Just dont' know yet what its going to be.

Its easy to wander off in life...yet the one para you read in someones blog just reconnects you with yourself... Today it was shekhar kapur ...tomo it could be anyone

You reach a stage in your company where you don't know if its the right time to move on and you read a blog of a product guy in a very successful company who left it...and says - stay hungry...stay foolish.

I have read arguments about people becoming loners and spending all their time on the internet...really dont know how is that possible...its just a media...extreme stories would exist without the existence of the media as well.

Networking sites is the next email I think...what could better than wishing all you know good morning early morning...in 2 seconds? Don't think its a waste of time at all. Its just networking :)

What could be easier if you want to pull pack and not be in touch with anyone...all you need to do is not logon.

Am waiting for the next phase...I think it will be the lightening fast internet I read about in TOI a few days back...the only thing that limits the internet possibilities and usage in India is the speed & cost & entrepreneurial talent... I wonder how will it be 2 yrs down the line or maybe 5...maybe the world would have changed again...what fun :)

Is innovation promoted in your company?

2008-03-27T17:25:00.003+05:30

Ok folks...writing a serious topic on a rather light note.

Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple falling triggered a whole new set of laws of physics. What if he had to come to his lab at 9.00am and leave at 6.30pm. I wonder if he would be able to see the apple at night :)

I believe there ar 3 imp skills sets which every growing company must have.
1) People who come up with ideas, build businesses from zilch to .1. These guys cannot be contained by things like timing, rules, comparative politics within an organization. It absolutely hinders any ideation process.

2) People who can take .1 to 10. Guys who have imagination but need a framework or a skeleton. They will push businesses from mere ideas to a working machine.

3) The savvy scalers.... Guys who can take a business from 10 to 100. They will take the working machine and completely scale it to new heights .

The fact is that newtons contribution to physics, mathematics as well as optics is beyond imagination, however he did get eccentric at the end of his life...was it alchemy that he sought? which led him to do experiments on himself will never be clear. The fact is that a creative mind like his will not be bounded and will go ahead with what it wants to do not keeping in mind the requirements of day to day life.

Can we as normal people actually find out what is whose skill set (very tough if we actually start doing this) and accordingly allot them work..or are we as companies and maybe even as a society churning out clones? Are our policies, organisation structures, renumeration packages supporting this differentiation?

The fact is scalers will need discipline, but innovaters might need a completely different ambiance.

Chicken and egg - blame the person or the workplace... the fact is that both lose out on their talent potential.

Straight from the heart

2008-03-11T10:39:00.002+05:30

Its been 7 years.

However it doesn't feel too long yet. I wonder now if its time to move on. At times you are stuck in situations which are nobody's fault, yet they occur. The feeling of being a stranger, or being distrusted, or being in the midst of folks you gotto live with but are totally unlike you and all because you are hanging on to a memory of past happiness and satisfaction seems foolish.

We had the same dreams, the same goals, we totally believed and trusted each other, yet cracks appeared. Some faults were mine and some were not.

At times to grow you need to leave the familiar behind and explore unchartered waters, push yourself to the edge to the cliff to fly. Its necessary to do...yet you leave a lot behind. A tough choice...and the only person who will be affected is me.

Money Talks

2008-03-10T14:03:00.005+05:30

I feel fear. It was an alien concept to me. Yet I feel fear now.

I really ought to think of whats the worst that can go wrong..? My car could get stolen, my bosses could get non supportive and dis believing, my house could get robbed, all my savings could vanish as the stock market could reach 12000 points. (not far from reality). It could also be all of the above as I have observed thats the way life works. When you get, you usually get more than required and when u lose, it could be everything.

Another point of deep thought of all of the above is that it is all related to money!

How did I start thinking so much about money. This slowly creeped up from nowhere maybe a couple of years back when my company went in for an IPO. How peaceful was it when I didnt have any money...just getting a little bit of it gives it an opportunity to control me.

Is anything really the worst thing that could happen? If my savings vanish or the markets touch 10,000 points or I lose my job...will it not be a blessing in disguise. Warren Buffet became the richest man in the world - he says when markets get jittery, maintain your cool, have a long term vision, look for buying opportunities. Another colleague says pray you can be solvent before the markets revive...which never usually happens.

As i take a rain check of what I think - though intellectually I agree with Warren Buffet, I think it could be a blessing in disguise and more than that I think I am just gonna chuck it...so what if you lose some savings in the short term or so what if you chuck a non cooperative job...the universe always has something in store for you.

"Disagreeing without being disagreeable"

2008-03-05T15:26:00.003+05:30

It took me 9 yrs and Senator Obama's blog (which I got referred to by the India uncut blog) to really understand one of the most positive traits for success and leadership. This my friends applies to the corporate world as much as it applies to Politics.

My blindness surprises me as the biggest example of this trait is my CEO, who I have had the opportunity to interact with for long now.

We often lose our cool in meetings, especially when it is a topic we are passionate about. We also seldom have patience with colleagues, friends who disagree with us. It could be about a promotion idea, a new product or feature discussion or it could be about something as mundane as how to drive a car by the rules. Do we discuss, talk without belittling the other?

I know people who do and they are a league apart from the rest. I have much to know and change within myself to point fingers at others here.I have grown wiser today. So I end this blog here with a quote from Obama's blog -

"In fact, I would argue that the most powerful voices of change in the country, from Lincoln to King, have been those who can speak with the utmost conviction about the great issues of the day without ever belittling those who opposed them, and without denying the limits of their own perspectives."

About work

2008-02-13T18:21:00.004+05:30

I learnt -

1) If you put your heart in your work..there will be tonnes of people who will tear it out..why do I still do it?

2) Scavengers of the corporate world roam about in disguises.

3) I am never able to say anything mean when the person who has said something hurtful deserves to hear it. I can think of a lot of things to say post the moment passes..

4) Insecure people are worse to work with than arrogant especially if they are your seniors. (maybe its a camouflage of the same emotion)

5) Inertia is a strong word

6) So is money...in fact stronger.

7) I have not yet found what I am looking for in terms of work...but I know that it exists...

8) Not everyone is like you and 98% of people you work with do not realize this.

9) The ability to put yourself in another one's shoe is with just a handful of people and you can always count them on your fingers.

10) You should only leave when you are doing extremely well and not when you are not...

11) You make very few real relationships at work..maybe just a couple and definitely not more.

12) A work relationship is very transactional and hence people give just 20% of themselves to the output.

13) The few people who are able to reach the person beyond just a transaction actually transform lives and make the iphones.

14) Its of no use taking anything from work back home...more work or emotion...all should be left at office before you start that car.

P.S: Now you know how angry I might be currently..Thanks folks that was a fantastic venting out for me

The intention theory

2008-02-03T21:09:00.000+05:30

I was at dinner at this awesome Chinese joint in Bandra (forgive me for forgetting the name...but it is worth mentioning as the food was really awesome) with family and some one casually mentioned the words...' yes thats the intention theory'....a lovely term for this blog.

For the past few years...these thoughts have repeatedly come to my mind. The surprising thing is that recently wherever I go...there is a mention of it. It magically comes up and gets affirmed by way of a book i read or someone else having experienced it or just talking about it. Signs the universe is giving I guess.

But yes...its rather miraculous...if you really want something...all you need to do is wish for it.

Ok this is my take on what some of us might have experienced....Its crazy how we humans do not at most times really know what we wish for. There is a disagreement between our conscious mind and our inner self on what we really want. Since we only realize what our conscious mind is saying and its usually cluttered by an overload of information - conditioning, society do's and don'ts, family/friends/colleagues and their thoughts etc etc...we feel that this is what we want when we do not really want it. And when we don't get what we think we want...we get into this entire circle of despair at various levels. We miss the point that the inner self really did not want it...so has created circumstances ,which the conscious mind is unable to comprehend, which ensures that we do not get it.

Well whats the use one might ask. If we think that we want it and we do not get it and have to go through despair...whats the use of the entire wishing business.

:) All I can say is that if you have not got the point...too bad. A clue I can give is focus on the inner self..get to know it...and you will get whatever it is that you truly have wished for...whether it is a billion dollars or a beach house on an exotic island...or maybe you want to be that one person who makes a difference to a million lives....

I lately have put a number to the amount of money I want by 2010...I now have a sneaky feeling that this wish may be corroded by friends I interact with daily(hopefully not)....I think I need to know what is it that I wish for...what is it that I am going to definitely get.....a paradox is'nt it ;)

The next step

2008-02-03T20:33:00.000+05:30

Folks...its a funny feeling, open questions which I was struggling for years got answered and the ease is what amazes me. Like a great man said...if you have a question that you are unable to find answers for stay with it...it will come to you. Patience is the greatest virtue I tell you.

You may ask..what questions are these..which were so critical that I looked for answers for years?...well the wonder is that if you ask me I do not even remember..knowledge gained assimilates in your life like the air you breathe....you are not even conscious that its there...but you do feel uplifted.

And you know what else have I realized...that the same questions if asked to me by someone else...I would be clueless as to what should I say...and even if I attempt an answer, it would be quite meaningless to the person asking. I don't think I would even want to answer. Everyone finds their own answers...you can only be a catalyst and I have realized you are usually a catalyst when you don't intend to be one. Just be yourself...full stop. Who ever wants to pick up whatever from the person you are will do so without you trying to explain it.

Well now what one might wonder...if you ask me...I do not have a clue. The search continues...and this time it would be for better ways to celebrate life. Questions like the purpose of my life, I am in no hurry to know.

Yes...it does makes a world of difference

2007-11-18T21:55:00.000+05:30

There are so many worlds...

Victors world is full of fun, he made a lot of money, he loves his wife, he parties..he travels. He has seen ups and downs and has learnt how to handle them. He enjoys every day that comes. Yes there are boring days..but thats alright...he has his eye on how to have fun.

Kens world is perfect, so it appears..he has lovely kids, a great job, a beautiful wife..yet somewhere he wonders if he has forgotten himself...why this feeling of emptiness? He did exactly what his world said he must do..then why is he feeling that his life has no meaning now? Maybe somewhere he didnt question his world...maybe he lived in his dad's world and forgot to make a world of his own.

Sarah, bought up by very orthodox and simple parents turned out to be a beautiful modern day woman whose job is to shape the minds of the future of her country. She too questioned the values she was bought up with and came up with her own. She is certainly happy. There were times she almost gave up when she hit rock bottom..not an easy path questioning, experimenting...yet she is soaring high now.

There are maybe a billion worlds in this planet....but thats not what this post is about.

Its been a lovely journey...and its going to take a turn. A search of what seemed like a lifetime has ended. A different search needs to begin...maybe a more difficult search of the self....I think it just got easier to look within.....the yearning and excitement is difficult to contain as i wont be alone. Never one to enjoy working alone...I certainly did a good job of living alone.

I am waiting to rediscover my world and it will be with some help...and yes it does make a world of difference.

Mumbai meri jaan

2007-10-23T16:35:00.000+05:30

Well its been a month!!! since I have written and I chose a topic which in some rights is mundane...according to my boss is irrelevant, but will make a huge difference to my life in the coming years.

Mumbai or Delhi...

Well...I still maintain that I do not belong to any one city, but have lived in Mumbai for 15 years and in Delhi for 3.5
Well the years is not as skewed as it appears as the first 10 years in Mumbai were school and just 5 were grown up working years.

Let me compare it as I see it.

1a) I love the sea, I love bhel puri and I absolutely love vada pav. I love bandra causeway and worli sea face.
1b) I have no love for GK or southex or chandani chowk. Chola batura is too fattening for my taste and parathas are approx 500 cals per paratha if you have them with butter, without which its not necessary to eat a paratha.

2a) I love driving to pune where close cousins reside..as well as there is thousand oaks and some great restaurants I visit.
2b) Rishikesh is too far to drive, Jaipur is a 6 hr drive...and doesnt make sense for shopping.

3a) I love walking on bandstand and the music played in Hawain shack and lately Hardrock which opened after i left. Numerous options in Mumbai
3b) If you walk, you might get molly coddled, so you got to stick to your sector's man made park. the only place I can bear is TC

4a) I hated driving 3.5 hrs a day and having no life other than work
4b) I love driving 10 minutes a day and reaching home at 7.00pm and waking up at 8.00am.

5a) In 5 yrs I made 6 very close friends based on a personality match
5b) In 3.5 yrs I made 2

6a) A ticket to Goa now costs Rs 4000
6b) A ticket to Goa costs Rs 8000 if lucky

7a) Will pay Rs 20000 and live in a 800 sqft 2BHK may be with the works mentioned below..maybe not
7b) Will pay Rs 20000 and live in a 1500 sq ft 3BHK in a super society which has pools, squash courts, a gym, tennis courts and a great running park. (my my - however money has never been a consideration in my life)

8a) Love the weather 4 months in a year only, but the rains beat down upon you while the roads and traffic is always a mess
8b) Love the weather for maybe 8 months leaving the 2 months when its too hot or too cold, awesome roads, traffic is horrible not because its as much as mumbai but because the people are just too indecent.

9a) Never feel insecure while driving alone in the night
9b) Never drive in the night..the few times I have...god had to work hard to save me, literally.

10a) The vibrancy and feel of independence is intoxicating
10b) Have to struggle to maintain the feeling totally

Well...for lack of time will end it here..I miss so many things about mumbai and will not miss anything about delhi except traveling 10 minutes a day to work.

Finally delhi's been good for me however its not me the way mumbai was.

Powerful or powerless?

2007-09-21T21:32:00.000+05:30

A phone call from a friend in one of the leading intellectual institutions in India just confirmed it The similarity of experiences is uncanny. Its been a while since I have been thinking about human behavior in a work place. The only advice I can give myself is baby handle it or bail out.

Not one to quit, however the scales seems to tip towards the whole effort being senseless.

Lately in a training program, the trainer seemed to repeatedly mention me trying to behave like a kid and not showing the world the true woman that I am. It could be a defense mechanism to retain innocence and not change despite blatant events which push you to realizing that being hardened by reality is necessary.

Insecurity and in decisiveness masked by power and abrasive confidence seems to be present in all organizations irrespective of the nature of work. In an academic institution it is about Intellectual property, in a company it is about business orientation. I have a sneaky feeling that its not about leadership at all now. In India where human resource is scarce in any industry, there are bound to be people who are not skilled at what they are supposed to do at any level. This is perfectly alright as I truly believe, sales is not about the product. In sales you gotta learn the technique and not just the product. Product knowledge happens along the way, the skill set is in understanding client requirement and building trust.

Similarly if one is not skilled and has reached senior management soon, the attitude of learning and not masking it is important. Do you have the guts to say, I have no idea, but I shall be the best at it soon? Or can you agree to the fact that you are so confused as you have no clue of what to do in some tasks, yet you will follow your gut and if you don't have that too, you will let your team who does, do it without interrupting or creating hurdles for them?

Sorry folks, this does not happen in real life. Human tendency is to masquerade insecurity. It is a defense mechanism which one may not even realize. Though I must mention that I am not a great believer of this and still would like to maintain that every individual in the end knows the intent behind their actions. The sad part is when these people are in positions of power which is oft the case.

The learning - you have to handle it. Yes you may argue that the joy of working vanishes. Well folks you better find work that gives you joy. The high could be in research, teaching, technology, mentoring, achieving targets, building great products or companies...whatever...but if you have not found what makes you tick, you are bound to not find the whole experience worth it in the end. Maybe the powerful people have no power over you if you actually enjoying what you do.

an analogy

2007-09-16T23:04:00.001+05:30

pic credit - Iyadarus, flickr.com

a distant destination
a long long flight
she joined many flocks
and left them behind

a miraculous pillar
she was so tired
solitude and rest
her soul desired

the sight is limited
the wings are rested
a solitary bird
where should she fly?

stranger in a strange land

2007-09-16T12:07:00.000+05:30

Pam realized she had been too pushy...she might have asked for it..she grieved at her fate now. Bill had become cold..and very distant...she suspected he had another woman. The beautiful house and all the money and cars she owned didn't seem enough any more. Her ego could not take Bill's interest in another woman. How did Bill..the fat cowardly man that he was think of having having an affair?

Not that she cared for Bill at all, but it had been a great 14-15 years of having so much of everything. Little did she realize that all expensive clothes, gadgets, jewelery that meant everything to her, gave her little pleasure now. She became violent and slapped Bill in front of her teen aged daughter over nothing. She planned of catching Bill red handed and demanding more than he could give in alimony.

Bill woke up, a happy man. He had lived a cowardly life, working like a dog and hearing abuses from his beautiful society wife. Now he felt free. He had secretly married a woman who loved him. His wife had no clue and he felt love after years and years of being alone, desperately alone. He was scared..a man doesn't get courage from hiding and pretending. He had to tell his secret to someone. His dad, would be hopping mad and might remove him from the family business. He pledged to never tell his dad till he died.

He decided no harm in leading two separate lives.

A foolish man Bill, his absence on weekends and frequent trips did not go unnoticed by anyone in his family. They just didn't think Bill had the guts to do anything..so let it be.

Till one day his brother David found out. David and Kate had been a loving couple and led simple lives amidst all the glamor surrounding them. They had beautiful kids and were in shock..David was supposed to go to a far away land for a year and Kate had no clue what would she do when all hell breaks loose at home. She feared for the health of David's father. Pam's phone calls had become more frequent. She could not bare Pam's harsh words and realized her desperate sorrow. She could not tell Pam what she knew, Pam was capable of murdering all in the family..she had a history of being an abusive woman.

Yet Kate felt guilty. She could not bear the thought of such blatant stupidity and cowardice on Bill's part. She made David talk to Bill to come clean. If it meant divorce...so be it..but leading a life with two wives seemed unthinkable of to her.

What must Kate do...close her eyes and mind her own business like what everyone does? She knows she has always stood up for what she felt right. However neither Pam, nor Bill were close to anyone she would want to stand up for. She only feared for the health of David's father and Pam's kids. David must go away for a year. There is no way he could stay back. Gods timing had been funny.

So readers what would you do if you were a stranger in Kate's strange world?

eureka

2007-09-15T14:25:00.000+05:30

'Simplicity of character is the natural result of profound thought'

of all the places i got this as my fortune on orkut today. Well am not gonna talk about the product issue of how is this isn't a fortune for now or lets just say i might just not talk at all as it's pretty much like a eureka moment for me.

Me thinks i got some answers with this quote. For all the complicated characters I have met and had mostly meaningless yet passionate discussions with..finally i get some perspective.

And cheers to the concealed intelligence of those so very simple individuals i have met and had the pleasure to interact with.

Making it work...

2007-09-05T23:53:00.000+05:30

The search and the desire to be understood....to be loved for what you are I think is highly misleading.

The question we need to ask ourselves is can we love and can we understand others. There is no wish you have which does not get fulfilled...you might have to work for it...and you might not want it when you get it. But the key is in how you get it...once you reach the destination it becomes irrelevant. How beautiful was the journey determines what you are made of.

Relationships never come readymade. You may love a person, but the relationship need not work out. I did promise to write about this earlier..and here is what I feel.

A parents love...no folks its not that unselfish...a parent gets tremendous joy from their kids when young...they get pride when they grow up and if somewhere the kids go wrong according to what they think is wrong...thats when you see parents still by their kids side which completely touches me. Thats unconditional...

Lovers...now you may love someone..but it need not mean that the relationship will work out. It takes a huge amount of mind and not just heart to make it work. The heart knows it all but does not work for you always. The mind which recognizes why a person is reacting the way he or she is and then the heart is guided to perform the necessary actions with utmost sensitivity.

One of the most satisfying forms of love is what a man and a woman share. why? Well for one there are no obligations to love, there can be none. What could be more fulfilling then knowing that love exists despite of no obligations. Not easy this...at times you may just want to give it up and go the way everyone else does, which is the easy thing to do. You will get happiness...but not the kind of happiness you are capable of.

We have created a fast paced world of ambitions, desires, rules and society. We live in it. We experience it in various forms and at times we are scathed and we retreat. We fear...and then when you suddenly don't feel fear when someone comes along...maybe thats when love starts. You get temporary fulfillment...and this is where the work starts..as the fears come back both ways. Maybe the solution is that you need to recognize the other and understand...the want of being understood needs to take a backseat as I think it happens automatically and here is where we go wrong.

Very recently a girl friend mentioned that she just doesn't understand her guy...he just doesn't listen to her. Well to understand a person don't you need to listen to him? An intelligent man..stephen covey, who introduced me to listening. I did practice the art of listening...yet somewhere I think the need to be understood took precedence. But if I look back in my life...people who I have understood and taken the pains to understand...have understood me back 100%. Very satisfying this...

When a person speaks...he or she speaks with some caution and when you understand...the caution goes out of the window. This is when the relationship is made for life. Once the energies around two people are so tuned in..as trust has played its role...the misunderstanding I have observed just doesn't happen. This does take time and some effort. So the focus needs to shift to understand from being understood.

The most intrinsic desire of every woman is to fall madly in love forever....be romanced....and be swept off her feet completely by her knight in a shining armor...you also pretend to be lost and be protected...its instinctive I guess...and then you get it but temporary fulfillment..not hard to get...logically all you need to do is switch guys every 2 years...but do you then ever reach the next level? Relationships are like the ocean...the serene vast expanse...takes in all the storms...is beautiful at times...rough at times....passionate at times...but mostly silent...vast and so very serene. They introduce you to yourself..sometimes you do not like what you see...but they also trigger you to be the best you can...and thats what gives you the fulfillment...

Caution:
Humans are at different levels of understanding...there are people who despite any love or understanding you show will only want more...well leave in this case...as the more a person gives the more he or she will love you...if you are constantly the giver...well a sure shot disaster.

There are also individuals who clam up and refuse to move out and take the chance...they may have be with you for years...again leave...fulfillment and real love is waiting around the corner....its for you to see it.

i think i cracked it (part II)

2007-08-30T23:32:00.000+05:30

well ladies this ones for us again....a sequel to part I

well its all about taking it to the next level constantly...personally isnt that what life is all about anyways...but keeping it strictly to the topic under consideration.

If you ask me, am perfectly happy with the way I feel...however nothing wrong about aspiring to take to the next level.

The aim: 3 kilos in 31days with 7 inches off. (being specific about targets is whats makes one achieve it)
The blocks: Well past weeks been bad...a training program with loads of food and wine which I indulged in heartily..so will take time to get the body back in action. to top that works very hectic.
The motivator: a vacation in Bali..no harm in looking great right?

Now how is that going to happen - aah...tricky one

well just to remind myself of how to do it -
1) Eat right - chuck all the fats out...and i mean all - no diet mayo or amul lite..no carbs at night...lots veggies and soups...franks are ok...no protiens at night...no veg patties and paneer sandwiches from foodie at office
2) Yoga - i hope i remember - yeah nothing like it to pull your tummy in
3) Stretch exercises - thrice a weeks enough
4) Walking on weekends - now where in delhi will I do this? lets see..
5) Drink- maybe once in the next 31 days
6) Dance - lets see where can I accommodate it.
7) The spa - well this ones easy and lovely
8) discipline - well haven't cracked this one till date...but I guess sleep early so that I can get up early...and exercise and cook....so no blogging so late...will leave laptop at office...

I guess its also about the right balance of the mind and body...so maybe a bit of meditation. To add to this....the training program completely shook me....made me realise some behavioral patterns I wasn't aware about. A woman ( am chucking the girl terminology out of the window) whose motivator was always people..and being a catalyst to their lives...i learned has become a recluse in a shell. Now now all that needs to change. Thats the power of knowing...once you identify the problem, you know how to solve it.

Its crazy how incidents of the past have affected our unconscious minds and we do not realize the change. I also hear that if you behave in a certain way...your beliefs change. For example if you portray aggression for a long time...even if thats not your personal nature...your belief that aggression is the way to make things happen strengthens and you do it unconsciously...and you do become aggressive...and vice versa. The trick is to be aware of your behavior.

Now I am sounding like an obsessed maniac...but thats the way you need to be to achieve i think...cheers to love and life! Will keep you posted on the progress.

aargh...

2007-08-23T22:47:00.000+05:30

Warning: Skip this post. DON’T READ to maintain your sanity or if you still wanna be friends with me

I remember the term when you laugh the world laughs with you…and when you cry you cry alone. Well its true folks so better accept it sooner than later.

My take on this is basically when you cry you may not really want anyone to see the vulnerable side, so you put on a demeanor which pushes people away. You can choose your emotion – lousy irritable behavior, anger, sulking, whining anything similar…everything which is a sure shot remedy to drive people away – well if the reason behind the behavior is to attract attention, well it’s just the opposite which happens so you might want to change the approach.

This is a bug on blogger and we are trying to fix it as soon as we can. Our team is working on it 24x7 and you know its fixed when you are able to read the post.

The next time we come across someone on the street or anywhere whose ways are just driving you insane – stop and think about your off days – maybe the poor souls just going through some real bad time in life. So breathe deep and let it go…don’t react.

I have also observed that when you are in a lousy state of mind..all you need at times is to cry your heart out in your moms lap or a kind word or hug from a friend or an acknowledgment like I love you baby in spite of your ridiculous behavior by your lover.

In the absence of all of the above I suggest you keep moaning…it anyways will not last. But be careful people are usually not so accommodating…so my way is basically go to the mattresses. You might still have your family, friends and lovers around you if you do.

Now that I have basically hit rock bottom and pissed off all whom i know, I think its time to go to the mattresses completely. Good night and if we meet tomorrow…good morning …good afternoon and good evening (yuk…the sense of humor also stinks right now!!!)

Of conditioning and being a woman - 1

2007-08-23T14:50:00.000+05:30

A topic close to my heart. Being one who usually does not believe too much in divisions of society and to some extent rules created by mankind, I do acknowledge the presence of different value and belief systems and am usually willing to live and let live peacefully. However a news item triggered me to write on a topic I usually do not pick up because I think I may be a part of a minuscule minority who believe in it.

Lets face it..we are born with a clean slate...but we have all lived amidst society and have unconsciously picked up various conditionings which we do not even realize we have.

Though the trigger could be delhi govt's desire to ban women from choosing exciting careers like bartending...which I think is as non progressive in thought as a govt can get, but I have experienced more hard hitting or may be heart rendering examples of this in men and women we meet every day.

It could be an Business Head who casually says" Women are not as serious as men, is what I have observed in the team as men tend to stay back late at work" or an HR Head saying " Lets not hire this person, we should look at people who are married and settled with kids in life - they are usually more stable" It could also be a career woman saying - " what has this person done with her life? she is miserable taking care of kids at home and thats her entire life"

There are zillions of similar examples which lead me to believe that the freedom of choice and freedom to make decisions is often not taken by individuals and also not respected by people at large.

It is no wonder that given the conditioning carried by most and more prevalent and dangerous when carried by people in powerful positions which could even be a boss or a parent, lead people to often concede and make short cuts in life. When the fact is that the real growing up of an individual happens when faced with either failures or situations of pain.

I have often observed my own reaction to situations and have been amazed how my emotions or my actions have been governed by conditioning - eg - I usually say - "My spatial orientation is all wonky so driving may be a problem" when the truth is I remember when I bought my car and used to dream to learn how to drive it...i remember my vivid imagination of thinking that the car was just and extension of me and the way to maneuver it was dependent on the thought in my mind. I used to imagine being one with the car...which is what happened once i got used to driving...The fact is that for that last 3 years I have been driving 10 minutes a day on an average so as a result of such less practice, may not be as good at it as if I had stayed back in Mumbai and driven 3 hrs a day...but atleast 5 men and me including 3-4 women have concluded in various conversations that a woman can never drive as well as a man. Ridiculous if you ask me now.

I wonder how many more such conditionings' reside within me...The car one is mostly harmless...but others could be dangerous. I hope to take each one of them evaluate it and then dump it in the garbage can where it belongs if found half - baked.

there is light in the end

2007-08-22T23:47:00.001+05:30

Its been a while I had almost forgotten
We live in this world in isolation
The heart is heavy..why i dont know
the head will be high, events come and go

Of my closest people and of me
I need to beware
Have oft found myself alone
when i most needed them there

Its not me to lament, so I smile it away
I look in the mirror and see the person there
A moment of true happiness as I look into my soul
the head will be high, events come and go

with a tear and a smile I bid you goodnight
a hope that tomorrow my heart will be light

different sides

2007-08-21T20:10:00.000+05:30

A human body is so complex and yet so precisely created that it only leaves me in wonder. If i look at the human mind which governs our behavior, the explanation to all variables that affect it is just unimaginable. Its obviously our intelligence and emotions coupled with external influences which lead us to behave in a certain way at that moment.

I have observed the most intelligent person behave completely irrationally in a state of frenzy or for a better word when emotionally charged. I have also seen the fairest of human beings acting in the most disdainful and corrupt manner when helpless because of maybe inability to act or insecurity or just maybe to please society. I have also believed in the phrase that its in times of trouble when you really see where your soul has been feeding. I am not so sure about that now.

Is it possible to be fair always? Is it possible to be rational always? Is it possible to be understanding always? If you do i think one just pushes negative emotions under the carpet which are bound to explode at some time.

Its true that when you have an overdose of wisdom or good, you just become allergic to it. An example could be the art of living mails I receive about wisdom. I am just not able to read them now-a-days when at some point they gave me a lot of things to think about. I have seen myself being perceived an angel by one friend but being perceived as a devil by another because of maybe action or inaction. Some I take for granted, some I never do even after years of knowing them. For some I am around whenever and for some I may not be there even when needed. Some I am at ease talking about my most intricate secrets with and some will not know me even after years.

I am left baffled by the various shades of an individual. I increasingly believe now that one must look at themselves in total isolation without letting any external factor affect what they think about themselves. Mind it, this is not an easy task. Today at work I saw myself agreeing with two completely opposite views on an incident within an hour. Am I just being diplomatic or am I finally letting go of some beliefs which I may be holding onto stubbornly.

If I look at the people I have known for the longest in my life, its my parents and siblings. I have seen myself being the best daughter as well as being a prodigal one. To be true its never my intention to hurt. I have seen myself behave very sensitively to one sibling and very indifferent to another. Am baffled at myself many a times.

If I see a pattern underlying my behavior, I think its the love coupled with admiration or respect for ones intelligence or the bravery in actions which segregates one from the other. Love without respect or admiration which needs to be fed is hollow and will die soon i feel. There are friends who I am initially very fond of but later discover that I have no feelings for and mind you this is not done consciously. It just falls out. There are some friends who even after years i never tire or am totally charged up for.

I think the difference is in being honest. Its easy to fake but its not sustainable in the long run...who you thought as the perfect friend or daughter may not be so all the time, and thats being honest. I would any day prefer a friend who says what they mean even if they are being completely foolish then one who smiles and agrees with you all the time faking it or probably not realizing they are faking it.

Lately someone who is a good friend has been behaving completely irrationally and stubbornly. Its surprising how I still feel good about having the person as a friend for the honesty in behavior. I aspire to be a person who is completely honest as well to people I love and respect :) Amen

P.S. - Its necessary to fake it with people who you dont!!! Now I think this is completely opposite to the belief I always held onto about being honest always...does not work and may not be needed...esp in the corporate world. The transition from being in a small company to a big one is difficult but necessary.

Of scrabble and life

2007-08-19T16:06:00.000+05:30

I recount some things which I loved and lost touch with. From sports practice to carom to scrabble to old english war movies.

The thing with not living in one place for too long is that many a times you find that you don't have friends around for long. Yes you tend to make new ones easily, but there goes the baddy you used to play every evening for hours or the 2 hr morning walks on holidays or the parties on weekends you got used to or the heated philosophical discussions between all of us who thought we are all new age guru's. Its a whole new adaptation to a different set of folks, people and friends.

A classic debate goes on in my mind...what is better? One hometown for long or lots of towns for a couple of years. Every place has a distinctive characteristic to it which influences your individuality. Often inadvertently.

Bhatinda cantt was all of riverdale, not more and definitely not less. It was about family and libraries, friends, grammys and oscars, summer camps, baddy, swimming and afternoon movie sessions.

Indore was about poha and banjo's and college for the first time and all that goes with it. Choral and I think this was when I was introduced to kishore and RD burman. I do think if I would not have met the set of friends i did in Indore, all the old Hindi music would have been been alien to me still.

Every new city has a different flavor. Pune then was quaint and family like. The bakeries of Koregoan were to die for, the burgers at Jaws were the best I have tasted, the parties, the cutting thela chai, the lovely weather...

Mumbai happened in two parts. One was about living as a kid and the other just work. The feel of independence and survival of the city was addictive. The vada pavs, the smell of the sea, bandstand, the ancient buildings in town, yokos, the US club view, navy nagar and the olympic size pool, the short weekend trips to nearby places, plays at prithvi. But Mumbai was about making a career, the clients and the BD calls, the team and the success was great.

Delhi..the roads and the greenery bang in the heart of the city, lodhi road and all the roads around India gate, its about parathas and biryanis I guess.

Its en richening to stay in many places for the exposure, yet you need to have a brave heart to do so I realize or be a foolish dreamer in your own dreamworld. Fiction at times is more real than real life and to survive on your own fiction seems to be mandatory. You often feel like a stranger in a strange land. You often do not have anything to do yet you dream of traveling near and far. It just gets harder finding people like yourself to do all the fun stuff with. You treasure it when you do.

Life seems to ask me questions now...and I seem nervously to give it answers. I cross my fingers till either of us decide to take a full circle again.

Hand through troubled waters

2007-08-08T14:42:00.000+05:30

Troubled need not necessarily mean something going wrong...now that I can manage..but when nothing is going wrong and you still feel troubled...makes me wonder about the tricks our mind plays on us.

Well I can attribute this to having worked for 9 days straight without a break and still need to go on for 3 more days.(well if coming to office can be counted as work..for me it certainly does).

I wonder how people who do this survive...maybe their inspiration is elsewhere. For me all work and no play is a strict no no way of living. Play need not mean partying...but just sacking out is enough.

Last night I woke up in cold sweat at around 2.00am. I was sure there was a presence somewhere, normally a deep sleeper how could I have woken up otherwise? Maybe the events of the previous day were playing on my mind or maybe I was dreaming. The noise could have been the wind or it could have been a mouse or a monkey. I snuggled in my blanket and tried to sleep...which I did only to be woken up again. I gathered courage and switched on the lights. Once my mind was in control again...I realized there was nothing...Still a little shaken I went back to sleep.

I wonder now which was my woken state...the one in which I felt the presence or the one in which I realized there was none. The presence (if at all) need not have been unfriendly...just unknown. Which makes me think how comfortable I got when I switched on the lights, the fear of the unknown had vanished.

I miss the hand that had me reflecting and has left me. Was that mine?

The crazy cops

2007-08-03T17:53:00.000+05:30

Well after reading a hilarious blog on Sony vs the blackberry curve, reality finally struck..I had lost my phone the Imate K-Jam a couple o days back.

No folks... my first reaction was of joy. Wow can i switch back to my regular no nonsense Nokia or Sony Erickson with no periphery mails where I can finally hear the how my friends sound again on the phone. For a few months now the only sentences they would've heard from me is - sorry...what was that...I cant hear you....click..My gosh these PDAs are a terror and have put its customers through such torture!

Well my happiness was shortlived as the realization dawned that the phone was actually my office's property so I had to lodge an FIR at the Noida police station at sector 20. Well if it was mine, I would have surely not done any thing about it especially in this part of the country which is known for the notorious cops. But nevertheless accompanied by a stud Admin guy I went to the Police Station to get an FIR lodged.

Scene 1: I enter with our stud man and the broken down house converted to a police station had 30 police men all who exuded tremendous arrogance. I went straight into some room and kept standing...you see the ambiance suggests don't speak unless spoken to. Our stud man was speaking loudly on the phone. A police chappie rudely ticks him off and asks him to leave the room. Kya samajhta hain apne ko, police chowki main phone..(basically how can anyone make them feel less imporatant) Me being a lady..the cop couldn't talk to me directly so asked another lady there - 'in memsahab ko kya chahiye?' Well I replied to him that someone snatched my phone and ran and that I need an FIR for the insurance claim. Well the bloke told me to write something about it being lost in a plain paper and give it to him.

Scene 2: Well folks if you've forgotten to write English with a pen and paper, try writing Hindi!!!! After an hour of trying hard to lodge an FIR, I retired on a chair where as the stud finally started doing what he was supposed to. I saw him with some cop who looked like a Hindi movie cop all ready to kill anyone outta arrogance. Huh...so I looked elsewhere..some guys were filming a vegetable vendor who was lying in torn clothes, crying loud as he was beaten up by cops as he failed to give them his daily hafta of Rs 500. Poor man..the sarcastic remarks of the cops and the local press didn't seem to sink in and he kept telling his story loud to anyone who would hear.

Scene 3: I walked out of the smelly dilapidated station and sat in my car where I heard this lady in blue telling a story about how her son was picked up by the police for hooliganism and locked up. 2 years earlier the police had locked up another son for murder and now she had no one to go to. The sons she says are badly beaten up in the lockup. These stories will not make it to any breaking news I am sure. I wonder why I only saw citizens there who were trying to register cases against cops!!!!

The sight here seeing the population of India that lives on daily wages and the police walas who thought they were the SVPs of the district..got me back to another reality..aah babes this is also India...ahem..

Finally the stud comes out looking extremely drained of all energy. The poor man dealing with these cops can stress anyone even a super hero I think...Well the final analysis:

1) You cannot lodge an FIR in Noida, no matter how big the crime reported is. Eg in the Nithari case where the police refused to lodge an FIR for missing children or a friend who recently lost a debit card and someone had purchased 2 ipods with it.
2) You can lodge an FIR if you have lost your slipper in the river if you are willing to shell out some money.

A ghastly story

2007-07-26T20:44:00.000+05:30

Today while running in the gym, I saw on a news channel that a little baby girl a couple of hours old was thrown in a dustbin. She was rescued by a milkman who heard her cry three days later and was taken to the hospital...where doctors are trying their best to save her life. The baby had 26 wounds on her little body and her head had severe wounds from glass pieces.

Its anger as well as a deep sadness I feel that a human mind is capable of such behavior. The inferences being broadcast in the media that the child could be illegitimate or being a girl child must have led her own blood to act in this inhuman way, also leave me saddened. They also say seeing the wounds, that the parents could've tried to kill her before dumping her in a dustbin.

How has the world turned so hard? A small baby, a couple of hours old treated in such a harsh manner is something which I just cannot comprehend. Even if it wasn't the parents and if someone tried to kill her for revenge, such atrocity on a tiny angel leads me to think about how is such behavior explainable. It has to be the doing of a demented mind. I hope to hear the true events behind this which led to such an inhuman act.

If it is social pressures that led to such behavior, I do not think society is worth it. Can we all not just look into our hearts and get what is the right thing to do and again look into our souls and get the strength to do it. Is this so difficult? I think not. Before we talk about another life, we must really stop and think. We never know what pressure we as the society cause another human being to go through...the pinball effect of what we feel is harmless..could be as catastrophic as what happened to this new born child.

I also applaud the milkman who took her to the hospital and the doctors who are trying hard to save her.

I do not know the answer, but in our own ways if we just do small good deeds, not form judgments on value systems, not indulge in mindless gossip and try and adapt and spread progressive thought....the pinball effect of it could really be something large and wonderful. I am sure this is happening which is why there are stories of heroism and kindness as well...but this news story has just reinforced how important what ever good we all do is.

A cure for Monday morning blues

2007-07-22T22:23:00.000+05:30

Routine...something most of us often complain about...my work is so routine, life has become routine etc etc. Yet I think I can easily declare that I kind of love routine. I find a lot of peace in routine. Waking up, gymming, driving to work, office, back home, dinner, walk, tv, read and sleep...I realize without this schedule, we would never truly appreciate breaks. Yeah try and not do it for 2 months and there, we will be squirming for some routine...I would miss the songs on 102.4 FM and the peace of the beautiful walk at night...all simple pleasures.

(I remember being in a job where I had to travel 15 days a month and I tell you it was horrible. Catching flights at 6.00am, traveling city to city, the lack of sleep, the unhealthy food...arrgh)

I think we often misuse the term routine for what actually is boredom. Now boredom according to me is a personal bad habit...often very difficult to give up.

Which brings me back to thinking about weekends.

Come to think of it, weekends are extremely important events. I think I would give it as much eminence as I would give sleep. Weekends folks are about recuperating, relaxing, doing what you didn't do on weekdays, fulfilling needs that weren't fulfilled on weekdays. If you had a lazy week...an active weekend is what you need and vice versa.

Me being a poor soul who works on alternate Saturdays...can only theorize about Sundays and one which totally wipes out any possibility of Monday morning blues. There are two kind of Sundays..one the total lazy one and one the completely active one. A mix of the two just doesn't do the Sunday trick for me.

lazy - wake up late, eat, sleep, watch tv, laze around maybe go out for brunch, watch an afternoon movie, walk, do some grocery shopping from your local store...thats about all I would want to do on a lazy sunday.

active - hit the gym or the pool or go running for an hour at dawn...come back refreshed....make a great breakfast...all work done by 12...shop shop shop or spend the whole day at the parlor or spa or go to an entertainment center and enjoy the rides...catch up with friends for dinner..come home and hit the sack.

Today was the active kinds where i had the privilege of meeting up with not one but two very dear friends after ages..did it all...shop till you drop, gym, parlor, lunch out, dinner of yummy fish curry and rice. Actually feel I have attained temporary nirvana...looking forward to a great week ahead and I guarantee any one of these Sundays...and there will be no Monday morning blues.

Family - what can you do with them?

2007-07-21T23:38:00.000+05:30

Whew!!! One program on my brother on TV and lots of phone calls from all near and far family. No escaping this time for the perceived prodigal daughter.

A..the star of the moment...got featured today on a news channel. The channel did go overboard in portraying him as the perfect Indian...ahem... but I still know what he did last summer and the summer before that. :)

It all started with him calling me inquiring if all looked good on air amidst a big party at home with lots of family and friends watching the show together, all high on wine and whisky...when my aunts decided to raid the phone and for the next hour and I got nicely lectured on the only topic which they are experts in.

Aunt 1: Pagoo what are you doing with your life. Your mum also..not doing anything.
Me: Its ok, I like it that way... btw you looked great on tv
Aunt 1: (not relenting) See X and see Y they left their jobs and came to India to be more accessible to finding the right guy...and see how happy they are
Me: Yes, am happy for them. (ahem...happy are they?)
Aunt 1: blah...blah...blah...blah...
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzz
Aunt 1: more blah blah blah....
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzz
A: Pags...ok take care :p... call you later
Me: Bum why could'nt you call me from off
Aunt 1: Why...
click and thankfully the receiver was down.

The phone rings again. in 15 mins....HOME...better

Me: Mommy, did you watch the show?
Mum: Aru, just spoke to Aunt 1 on the phone
Me: Mum, dont bother.
Mum: But Aru...am sick with worry?
Me: Dont mum...go to africa with dad and be happy
Mum: I am not going anywhere till you get married...when you become a mom then you'll know..
Me: Why not? Its not Mars you know.
Mum: What stops you beta?
Me: groan...(gonna whack A for coming on TV)
Mum: I didn't know you dad when we got married...You can never know anyone completely...Its destiny....this astrologer says blah blah blah...
Me: zzzzzzzzzzzz
Mum: Aru, at least shift to bombay..get a job here.
Me: Ok mum not able to hear you...this imate sucks! (Shit why didn't I think of this earlier)
click...god bless the imate or hutch

Indian families...love them I do...but wish they could talk about how much publicity A's company has got from the program...if you know what i mean.

A reflecting mind

2007-07-20T20:43:00.000+05:30

Its been a long time...since I have reflected. Am confused....some questions and the answers keep changing...

Who am I? A daughter, a sister, a mausi, a friend, a cousin, an employee or a boss? I have no problem in everyday life...I seem to wear these hats almost perfectly, yet am confused whether I am doing justice to any of them...without a realization of who is this person that is me. I got some cues though.

Where is my home? I have built a small world around me...tailored to my needs..but it feels as if I am at a station in the the journey of life.Is there really a bridge across forever or will these questions keep occurring all along till the day i die.

What do i want? Fleeting glimpses of dreams I have, yet conviction I seem to lack. Every thresh hold I cross, there is still a yearning desire for something that I have been missing. Certainty?

Not one to have known fear too closely, not one to have had any problems with uncertainty, not one who could ever be accused of playing it safe...Someones being taking care of me very dearly...I feel that hand's being lifted...I smell the intoxicating smell of the unknown...I feel that someones clearly telling me that I have it now, I kinda know it now and that I am on my own. Its like a parent who has brought up the child and the child has now moved to discover the big beautiful world on her own. Strangely its now when that hand seems to have hidden itself...whose hand was this? That kind old man on a rocking chair who we call god?

Who am I is a highly misleading question...i feel...a better one would be why am I here? I feel forming opinions of yourself is as bad as forming opinions about others.

Why am I here? The closest i can get to an answer is....to act as a catalyst for the lives that I touch.

7/7/7

2007-07-07T23:50:00.000+05:30

Morning 8.30am, Channel CNN IBN or NDTV (forgot which one)
The most important news today was how auspicious a day it was to get married. I swear, 4times within an hour, I actually saw news about how some American couples waited for 2 years to get married today. Another friend had made a decision of getting married 2 weeks ago and the aim was 7/7/7. Its as if the day comes with a guarantee stamp of happiness.

Now you have to hear this-
1) There are 7 colors (i think they meant the rainbow, as am sure only there are only 3 primary colors other than white and black, correct me if I am wrong)
2) Marriage means saat janamo ka saath (7 lifetimes of togetherness)
3) In a Hindu ceremony you take 7 pheras to get married
4) There are 7 days in a week (whoops how profound!)
5) There are 7 chakras in the body
6) and some 7 constellations in Hindi astronomy ( weren't there 12?)

and some scores of similar stuff which I fail to recollect.

Well seeing the quality of news stories now-a-days, i wouldn't have batted an eyelid, however this point was driven into me by a friend who got married (i think is still in the process of) today. A big reason was 7/7/7. I was told it was a small wedding at a temple..so I went to check it out.

My experience and learning from 7/7/7.

(changed this part on popular demand)

Well lately I have witnessed someone I know who went through a lot of confusion as to whether she should marry a guy she met through an arranged marriage. After almost reaching a conclusion of not going through with it...she did eventually with a hard heart. 7/7/7 seemed to be a great factor in the decision made.

I know if she had listened to her heart or mind once and not gotten carried away..she had a strong chance of having the life she always wanted...yet somehow we succumb I guess. Having seen the wedding and her reaction to it...i did think it was a decision made in haste. The auspicious nature of the date, the whole hype about it just seemed so wasted to me.

7/7/7 has left me totally speechless

Maybe CNN IBN will attribute Venus Williams victory to the date as well...maybe her name sums up to 7...if not maybe her dad's name does!!!! As far as Bartolli goes and I must say she played a splendid game yesterday...may be CNN IBN would suggest she change her name as the days magic didn't work for her

Disclaimer- the above facts are only my observations and my perspective.

cues from long ago

2007-07-05T20:57:00.000+05:30

Lately my thoughts have been going back to childhood very often. Its amazing how when you sit by yourself and relive childhood, you can experience all what happened then just as it did.

The most important observation is that I haven't changed a bit since. No not an iota of change has happened to the way I am, the way I interact with people or what I think and feel, even in how I react to situations.

To draw a parallel..I remember being the favorite child of my school principal and I remember in todays language not being hierarchical in my thought even then. The world used to tell me that you ought to speak to Father Orlando with more reverence or that you just say anything that comes to your mind. Even then I used to think why ever not? Anyone who knows me at work will say the same now.

I remember the pain that little girl in std 6 went through when she was not selected for a dance for a discriminatory reason or the happiness when she jived with the prince charming of yesteryear, who I think had engineered her selection in the dance.

Can we take cues from our childhood. If we've forgotten who we are and yes I mean forgotten and not discovering here...If we have forgotten who we are, we just need to sit back and revive that memory stored somewhere in our brain.

I remember coming 15th in class in standard 5 and the absolute heart break that I went through then and I remember the lesson that little girl learnt so clearly then. I remember the competition I had with Mathew in class 3 for getting the highest marks in maths...yes i think I was competitive then. Am I fooling myself saying I am not now? Its just that studies was a high and work now just doesn't do the trick or maybe people have grown up and are not like Mathew any more.

I remember that none of my parents ever told me to study...I just did it when I wanted to. A great parallel to now. If I am told to do stuff and if someone tries to micro manage - I just procrastinate and don't do anything. Dunno if this approach is good or bad...but thats just me.

I remember PT sir making me run 10 rounds of the football field because I was late for practice by 15 minutes (arrived at 5.15 am and not 5)!!! I remember telling him that sir the punishment and the felony don't match. The sense of fairness, I think was developed even then. I remember way back in maybe std 1, in a crafts test, my mom knew the teacher and had told me what she was going to ask us to make...and I remember thinking that this was not fair. I remember wanting to beat Trupti in every English test and missing it by 1 mark everytime and when I finally did...the teacher had calculated my marks wrong :((...I remember going to her and telling her and yet again came 2nd in English. I remember the temptation of not wanting to tell her quite clearly.

I remember scoring a 3 pointer basket at state level when in std 5 I became the youngest member of the senior team very avidly...I can safely say it was and still is the happiest moment of my life...yeah we went on to lose all games after that which I would rather forget. To draw a parallel achieving a 3 pointer sales or revenue target...gives me an absolute high even now...throw in some number game...I mean give me data to play with and there I think I would have found my work calling. Why did I miss it for so long? Had all the cues,...maths my fav subject...english and debating a close second.

Put in 50% numbers, 40% comm skills utilization and maybe 10% of all the mundane stuff that one has to do at work,...and that is the ideal job for me.

Interests...well crafts was out then...drawing was very close to my heart...why didnt i pursue it as a hobby? Something about our education system just sucks.

Sports was dad's biggest gift I think till date. Why didnt I pursue a special interest in any competitive sport?

There is a lot more stuff I remember but the point is that I very clearly remember all my actions then and if I draw a parallel of those actions to now...though situations have changed, the actions are similar.

Take the same theory to people and I am sure great parallels can be drawn...but then am tired and it will have to wait for the next post.

Kate and Anna

2007-07-03T22:40:00.000+05:30

Once upon a time there lived a pretty young girl called Kate. A little saint, who was very happy to be by herself and loved reading about everything from Abraham Lincoln to the truths about the 2nd world war to Mills and Boons. A quiet little dreamer who seldom shared her dreams with anyone but made few and good friends. All she wanted from life was to make a mark, an ambitious dreamer was she. She loved her little sister Anna. Now what can I say about Anna, the center of all mischief in school and town. Poor little Anna got blamed even for the mischief she never did. Fear was not known to Anna, so open was she that she easily became the favorite of all her teachers.

They loved their school - Kate for her books and friends and Anna for all the fun. Kate struggled with her studies while Anna used to easily top everything she touched. Little Kate was the captain and center forward of the hockey team while Anna the defender more interested in basket ball for the captain of the boys team was so very cute. She didn't even have to try too hard, just got into the team with ease. Such was Anna.

Kate tried hard to get over stage fright, but failed miserably while Anna easily danced, sang, acted and debated on stage. But Anna picked up everything from her sister. She read all her books, saw all the movies Kate enjoyed and didn't ever need to spend a penny of her pocket money on all the music Kate collected.

Time passed by and they lead separate lives under the same roof. The saintly Kate helped Anna all she could, protected her from the wrath of her parents in all her mischief and Anna had all the fun she could.

In college by a stroke of luck they became room mates. Two gawky grown girls, one who wanted to be something big and the other who didn't know why she was there.

Again Anna this time got into trouble with the college principal, a wicked man was he. For the first time in the principal's office, Anna noticed how passionately Kate defended her and something in Anna changed. She realized how magnanimous a person her sister was and was moved to tears with love for her sister and regret for taking her for granted always.

Their relationship changed and sisters they became not by birth, but from the heart. Anna passed by happily and Kate met her prince charming. No looking back for Kate, who for the first time overcame all her fears and became a woman. Anna never liked prince charming and seldom wrong was she. Not one to interfere, Anna fiercely helped her sister marry who she wanted facing all the anger of her parents.

Anna went on to experience all that life had to offer with all her passion. She made friends, had crushes, cried, laughed and this time on her own. Till one day she got a call from Kate....

...... to be continued

Random thought

2007-06-30T23:31:00.000+05:30

Frequency a baffling concept yet sensitivity to this minor concept could make a colossal difference to our lonely souls.

We all know it exists. Of the 100 people on your floor, its that single person who sends the most finely tuned frequency. I oft have noted that the poor souls at office who seem to get along with everyone are usually faking it and are the loneliest of the lot. Please refrain from mixing getting along to indulging in tp conversation with all, which I can be accused of doing.

1 of 100 is a great record if you ask me. The more accurate statistic would be 1(who does not work in office) of 1200 or 1300 whatever be the latest number(the entire office). A parallel yet converging theory to this is that we also possess different frequencies. To list a few:

91.1 - the womanly connect - sorry guys you will never get this one ;)
93.5 - the tp type - friendly banter, mostly harmless.
95 - professional - no choice, leadership, the experts and a few intelligent beings at work have to fall into this category
98.3 - the comical connect - yeah some people have the knack of making you laugh helplessly
102.5 - the intellectual connect - this is usually satisfied by googling unless you are in academics
106.4 - The friendly connect - Noticeably more than the 93.5 above -watch movies, go out maybe similar music taste, cry, laugh, genuine caring.
104 - the cribbing connect - this could happen with either of the above (pls note am talking about connect, strictly avoidable with people who don't)

Most of these interactions are mostly one to many and catching these generally get you by peacefully. The more the 106.4 the more fun will life be.

However, the colossal difference mentioned is to do with a frequency which is indescribable yet at some level we have all experienced it. Its when someone really sees you, right through the demeanor that you unconsciously or maybe consciously have acquired. We might find this with a few training professionals or behavior specialists who have met scores of people and somehow say just the right thing, so for explaining my theory lets discount them.

100.1 - have you tuned in? You don't really need to talk here, yet if no words you might never realize its existence. So you talk and are seldom misunderstood. No explanations and clarifications of intent needed, of thoughts maybe yes. Do you see that something around you glows in the presence of this frequency? Can I label it as spiritual? Would not like to, keeping in mind the word has become a fashion statement now-a-days. If either of the above frequencies say I love you babe or that you are a beautiful person the only thing they satisfy is your ego, but when 100.1 says it, it stirs you. Its a re enforcement that the beliefs you've lived by are not baseless. If you are lucky you might also race ahead on the path of self discovery.

Romeo and Juliet

2007-06-25T20:04:00.000+05:30

In an Indian Context....Juliet is perfectly savvy...oh a good woman..good at her work..looks good!

Juliet meets Romeo, how is incidental and not important so they say. Romeo hears music..and says you and me babe how about it? Juliet says " Will do whatever my parents say.." - she is lying I tell you (read this as am not sure). tch tch..romeo you guys met for the first time man.

A lovestruck romeo....hangs in there and sure he realizes that its just that the time was wrong. Now is the interesting part. Juliet being an Indian woman needs to get married fast...so she had fallen for chains of silver but now Romeo was gold ( all this relative) she realized! So they continue...month after month passes...Juliet wanted romeo to call everyday...says he gotta show me he likes me right?...romeo didnt get the message...just kept surfing for more options. Man he gotta protect himself right ;)

Juliet had the hand of god play (or lets just say a password) in her life and realised what romeo was doing and kaput....romeo didn't know what hit him. Juliet says...Hey romeo you nearly gave me a heart attack...you shouldn't just preach but practice...have a nice life! Romeo called 17 times(!!!) says all I do is miss you and the way we used to be!

Juliet a woman after all came around...but heavier things now....Juliet was from a different world, she bought expensive clothes, never thought before spending..Romeo simple that he was did not. Juliet had no idea what satvik was...and romeo was almost a priest.

This drove Juliet to almost forget Romeo...till one day..romeo comes and says...babe we are getting married now..and Juliet says ok...(what? did I hear right?)..aah a staunch believer that love doesnt exist...juliet now is burning cds of love songs for romeo(!!!!)

Juliet loves sitting at coffee shops yakking with friends...but has warned all friends now that she will only have coffee with romeo from now on...juliet has also said she will not be disturbed for 2 months as she....no no...doesnt want to set up home etc...she wants to visit all Romeos relatives, she's bought all the sarees afterall. No work for Juliet now..at least temporarily. Juliet will also be veg forever, not drink, not eat onion and garlic and will lead a satvik life forever.

Juliet babe wish you luck...but be a woman to him and not a wife.

A holiday in Ladakh

2007-06-24T00:06:00.000+05:30

It was a year ago, the need to do something different in my heart drove me to sign up with an adventure company to conquer the himalayas.

A year later with memories fresh in my mind, I write this blog as a tribute to ladakh. Truly a place which gave me no feel of being in India, except for the locals who spoke perfect hindi, yet looked like Tibetans.I met my holiday partners in Cp, Delhi while catching a bus to Manali. All of us city people had no clue what it would be like. The only education i had received was from this awesome old man who ran a shop in Dadar selling trekking gear. We spent two days in Manali, where we had a nice time visiting some hot water springs, walking to Hadimba temple and the night saw us in this pub which was quite quaint. Beware of Manali as my camera, phone and wallet got flicked the same night from my hotel room, while I was sleeping :(

The trip from Manali to Leh was something I would never forget...a mixture of lovely landscape, good conversation with strangers and altitude. We didnt realise while climbing except for a slight headache that we were actually being driven through 17000ft. The night we spent at Keylong where some holiday partners had a rather uninformed discussion about the gandhian philosophy...all heated...and fun. A special mention of Guru, James and Frank who made this a rather interesting drive
After a 2 day journey we finally reached this quaint little holiday hotspot called leh. Its amazing how so many people from all over the world visit Leh and Indians prefer to stop at Manali. The ratio people was 3:1 !!!!

Leh has a great feel about it. Lovely helpful locals, 5 german bakeries with yummy apple pie, lots of army walas and the shanti stupa. I would advise to go up there (read about 800ft..stairs made) in the evening and wait for the sun to go down. High up on the stupa with zillions of stars above you somehow is an exhilarating experience. We luckily bumped into James and Josh at night while strolling on the streets and trust Dj guru to have us all in splits.

After having discovered Leh, we started out for Nubra valley a day later where our guide had organised our trek. The famed Kharadungla pass was quite an experience with lots of people stopping to touch the snow..trust me you could stop just any where and pass the crowded pass. Strangers throwing snow balls at each other...the good thing is I discovered I am not a very snow person.
But, the sight of the clouds kissing the white mountains and road is pretty, very pretty. After camping for another two days at 13000-ft we started out for the pass at 18000ft that we were supposed to capture. Aah..that is an experience I would love to hate, but somehow cannot get the memory out of my mind. Every day we walked for 12km uphill for about 6-7 hrs. The first day was a rocky terrain beside a river, the next was on the wall of a gorge where if we had plummeted no one would have known. Day 3 was through villages and finally here I was hit by altitude. Our camp guide had to come back to where I rested for couple of hours and slowly we made our way to the camp site. All I can say dunno what hit me. The sight of the camp was most welcome and Rahul the cook made some great adrak chai which did wonders for my cold soul. This was 14000ft with cold winds blowing just all over.
The tents here are cooking tents and the horse mans tent. God save him...the guy comes to India from June - Aug and then sneaks through the china border right through the Himalayan ranges.

All rested (not really...as I just didnt get sleep up there in the cold), next morning we set out for the final base camp. The terrain was dry, rocky and there was no way. With the guides way ahead and the camp partners way behind, I wondered why did I have a guide anyways. However was an enchanting experience, as the sights along the way were really breathtaking.
We reached the base camp at 2.00pm, through thin air, the scorching UV rays of the sun beat down upon us mercilessly. Little did we know that at night we'd see temperatures going below zero. The next day we got up to see the stream beside our camp frozen!!!!
The final day walk was something I could never erase from my memory...again rockier terrain to begin with but to get through the pass we had to cross a kilometer of snow and ice...as seen on the pic. We reached the ice after a 4 hr walk at 18000ft and my first step on ice saw me slip and bruise my hands badly. Rauf the local guide literally had to pull me through for around 500mts. Seeing the top of the pass after that I got some mental strength in me and I eased my way up. My learning from this experience is that to give up or fail, you first have to do in the mind. And if you dont...there is a strong possibility that you might not fail. Reaching the top of the pass was more relieving then any feeling of accomplishment for me. However in retrospect feels great!

Another 5 hrs walk down to the base was easy and beautiful. With guru and me cribbing about our non helpful camp partners. He also got some villagers to give us some local fermented stuff which definitely gave us a boost and we ran down the rest of the mountain...lost our way and had to walk back to where the vehicle was waiting to take us back to leh (!!!!!) Our trek ended in some bad blood, where we engaged in a great fight which I do regret now, but something about that altitude people which makes you a little wonky.

The next day, coffee and apple pie at the german bakery in leh was to die for. We actually went into a cyber cafe and kissed the desktop (tch...tch...city virus). Our trip from Leh to Srinagar via Kargil was another eyeopener. The the grand Indian army and signs like " You are under enemy observation " or " Stay in the vehicle or you will get shot " (not really ;) but something similar) all over the place. The only mention of Srinagar that I can make maybe is about my amazement of how a whole city can be built on a lake. Srinagar was a disappointment after the truly majestic sights of Ladakh, but we did manage to see a kashmiri wedding and the shankaracharya and hazaratbal .....though nothing spectacular here.
The pic here is of the shikara ride we took to hazaratbal on the dal lake. We even managed to buy some souvenirs from the dal lake floating market and where I also discovered that there is a honey made by harvesting bees on poppy..which drugs you (!!!!) I got nicely ticked off by the dj to have kept this vital piece of information from him we came back to our houseboat honeyless :))). Srinagar, a city of past glory, truly has been dragged to its feet by the terrorism it has witnessed.
Gives you a helplessly sad feeling

Finally a tribute to the guys without whom we would not have accomplished anything...karma the horseman and his horses. God bless them!

I do recommend anyone with the love for the beauty of nature and the spirit of adventure to go to Ladakh and trek. Will I do it again?...lets just say I would love to walk up the beautiful well built mountain roads in Italy!!!!

A tribute to the spectacular beauty of the Himalayas. Am sure its effected me in a way I will only realize in the years to come.

*Pic credit - Guru, James and Prashant

Conspiracy theory

2007-06-20T23:28:00.000+05:30

I first heard it in the alchemist. Magic thats what it bought into my life, I think it was 7 years ago, but no thats not where the story starts.

Some 12 years ago, just when I needed it a seagull called Johnathan flew in with perfection and I got it in an instant. No my dreams were not stupid. If it weren't for the seagull who refused to live only to catch fish and eat, I might have lived a life less fulfilling then what I did. Fly Fly high he said even if you might not make it, even if your wings are tired and everyone else around you says this is not what you should waste your time on. And it paid off didn't it. The point is even if it didn't, it was an awesome flight and it would be an awesome death.

The journey has been full of illusions, thoughts about parallel lifetimes and dreams about the bridge across forever.

However the questions and the cracks in the philosophy were plain to see, much as I tried to ignore it. It persisted. What was the missing link?

Santiago bought a revelation into my life. Was there something I was missing? His realization that he did have a dream, not really sure of what it was made him start out on a journey of experiences and discovery. The universe, he was told, conspires to make things happen, so just listen to the earth and feel the soul of the world and keep moving. Listen to the signs..... Indeed a magical journey of chance meetings and realizations. A patient journey of discovery, procrastination and a will to drift on. And on the way he found his dream. A cloud just knows he has to move in this direction, he may not know why...however the skies know and if you can rise above...so will you.

Why have I stopped? Its not as if you need to know your dream to journey on...do I really look for signs now? I have made enough to buy my two flocks of sheep...why am I still in the crystal shop? Am I becoming a part of the herd who catches fish to eat or who catches fish because thats what he has done and knows?...I don't think so yet.

A cry from the soul to the universe...conspire for my journey....conspire for my dream. The heart I know and listen to with utmost clarity...am waiting for the omens.

I think I cracked it...

2007-06-17T23:35:00.000+05:30

This post is dedicated to all those lovely ladies trying to lose weight.

Well being an avid lover of the good things in life, which devilishly only make you wanna cry on the weighing scale...it took me some time to crack the code...thanks to some help from experts. Now experts I value for anything..design, analytics or health

First some general rules:

1) Know and love your body - Let me explain..I am an O+ve and carbs suit me...so I need not give up carbs at all. Proteins dont...so avoid proteins specially at night. Each of us have a unique body..know yours...go to the experts and ask. Find out what your body wants and listen to it.
2) Sorry girls, you have to balance the diet as well as exercise. Hey its not a bad thing you know...the high after an intense workout is quite awesome...just get a good and empathetic trainer.
3) Dance - Its absolutely a soul uplifting exercise...do it even if its alone at home or on your terrace. Try Shiamak if you want to really get the pleasure of dancing...I did.
4) If you live far from work...its worth paying that extra cash...even if its big money and move closer.
5) If you have never been 55 kgs in your life....its still possible...so get out of the myth and set some impossible goal.
6) Love walking...walk for hours if necessary...and no, walking 5 hrs a day at times doesnt kill you...if its boring...try trekking... or on sunday get a friend and walk those 20 kms to that far away museum or monument.
7) And hey heard about all those amazing spa's and massages....go ahead join. Trust me on this one.
8) Yoga - Girls its simple and easy and the best toner you can get...just watch that tummy go in...and watch your body become flexible.
9) Stretch - your body has an awesome capacity to stretch and its most effective.

Now the trick about keeping the darn thing off...

Some more specific rules

1) Lose more weight...change the exercise..play tennis, squash, swim or gym ( not a great fan of indoors...but gives you great results)
2) Did you just drink 4 margaritas? Well...i hope no fries (try roasted anything) along with it?...even if you did...next day..stay on fruits...or on only veggies...avoid carbs now...your body will not starve...and will get detoxified.
3) Your body has a threshold weight....if you have lost 5 kgs...you will definitely gain 3...so lose 8kgs. ( maybe the experts dont agree to this one)

Aah...did I hear you asking food...hmm...trust me one helping just finishes off that hunger...the rest is in your mind...so work on your mind. Satisfy it with what it needs...and its not food. Do you like writing...reading...find out what uplifts your mind...and do it.

The calorie counter has helped me reach 53kgs...its simple, just know what you eat and if you dont.... listen to your body, it knows what it needs. A chocolate truffle pastry is not that bad just 350 cals...girls try keeping it below 1200 in a day. Biryani is a no no...oil is a no no....however a few bites satisfy the craving and is not so bad. Pizza's anyone?...no girls dont go beyond a piece. If you do...have only veggies for dinner. Fall in love with veggies and fish...not difficult you know.

The most important rule - Don't give up anything, just reduce the quantity and if you have partied hard at night...next day abstain! Remember your stomach is stretchable...the quantity it needs depends how much you fill in it.

My aim is 50 and I will get there...Toast anyone?

Most importantly dont do it if you really dont want to....its a mind game...aspire to have the perfect weight or the perfect size...you will get there....like I am sure I will :)

a dream and a prayer

2007-06-17T13:55:00.000+05:30

A fleeting glimpse of a dream
Souls entwine
Memories of being alive
And moments divine

*pic credit: flickr.com, Bob

Hari Sadu

2007-06-16T11:14:00.000+05:30

Leadership and the lack of it has been a large part of my tryst with the corporate world.

Being a relatively cool person who believes anyone can do what they want and who wants to be left alone to do my thing, work has taught me the benefits of how to practice this value of my life and along with it act as a catalyst in provoking thought in people about themselves and their values. A very enriching experience I must say.

Unfortunately my work life has not been so kind to me and has constantly put me in situations where my so called leaders have no idea how to manage this little girl, who doesn't need managing at all.

My experience in leading teams made me believe that you must make people dream or just make them remember their dreams. Touch that cord in them and lift them from one level of existence to the next. No dear readers this doesnt happen by giving responsibility and increasing scope of work, this only happens if they are confident enough to take responsibility.

Confidence is intricately meshed with performance. Make a person feel like he or she is shit and the best performers will crumble and vice versa. Skills, tools, processes etc etc will all happen on the job, but are we able to actually touch what makes 70% of the difference in performance? All the conceptualization, brainstorming, sales planning etc etc will not achieve anything if your employees are not in it with passion.

Do this with your direct reportees and ensure they do it with theirs and there you have a fantastic world class team if all of you dream big enough. Simple isnt it?

Not one to take anything in life too seriously in the long run atleast, I am surprised by my own reactions to my great leaders. Why am I in situations in which I am constantly hounded to not be myself? To the benefit of all my so called leaders, I plead guilty of not keeping quiet when I see something which I don't agree with going on in work, with me or with the team that I am associated with. I also plead guilty of expecting my leaders to be far ahead of me in leadership skills and expect them to make the team dream big and be confident and passionate.

Am I expecting too much? Will someone tell me where am I going wrong? Should I really have an attitude of acceptance?

Lets just say I am not in the mood.

KISS - Keep it Simple and Stupid

2007-06-11T21:10:00.000+05:30

( Post renamed from Its easy to be hard, but its hard to be easy)

This morning a colleague of mine, who is a usability expert in our company, showed me a calender which the usability training guys of HFI had given to all our Interface Designers after the training program over the weekend. A brilliant concept within HFI, in which they have internal contests and ask employees to come up with one-liners related to design which they brand as buttons and use avidly in trainings. This is where I got this line from.

The clue of a great website design is that you need to KISS..Keep It Simple and Stupid. Having spent much time on design and owing it to the great expert company I keep now-a-days, I have observed that this concept contributes greatly to why you like one website over the other. The Flickr pink for example, a beautiful way to highlight but pink for heaven's sake on a website, who could've have thought they could carry the concept off so well. But of course if you mess up with the search and features kiss or no kiss gets you no where!! (applaud please spoken like a true product person)

What do you like a messy webpage or a well prioritized easy to use webpage with messages like Oops bad bad server, no donuts for you?

Now what this statement basically stirred in me was nothing to do with webpages. Isn't it hard to be easy in life? Simple living!

Priorities, aims, wishes, desires...I agree keep changing, but if we can easily separate the chaff from the wheat, take it all one at a time and are able to live with a simple thought process, at times make fools of ourselves...I tell you life will be beautiful.

Lately I have been hounded by some complex delhi friends and have been a victimized as well as bored listener to conversations about why I should buy a big car, designer clothes, redo my transitional home and all that stuff people do to make their lives even more complicated. Trust me I love doing it up but not because you earned some money. I would easily spend big money on holidaying or buying expensive stuff I want but not because someone has it.

I have also often been lectured on relationships. Be hard, not easy...this has been proven umpteen number of times by collective experiences of most of my girl friends, in fact the results are instantaneous to see. A lot of fun this, but in retrospect the conversations between friends of planning and discussing results were more entertaining then the relationships themselves. The human mind I tell you sticks to what you cant have. But I have often observed that I have ended up poorer in the end of an experience like that. People who are attracted to what they can't have usually are no fun to be with and trust me they roam around in disguises. The fun of games is not what i refer to here, but the learning attached to the fun was simple to see.

Well may be just maybe the Usability concepts work in relationships too...you need to KISS...people you need to keep it simple and stupid!

Girls...some simple and stupid rules to follow. Guys some tips ;-)

1) Avoid guys who fall for all the games you plan with your friends. Though its a brilliant way to check initially.
2) Avoid guys who make you feel bad about how you look or want you to wear better and more complicated clothing, ofcourse unless you want to.
3) Avoid guys who don't KISS ( you know what I mean, I think I should rename the post, which i just did)
4) If its getting too tough to be with this guy...leave! Life usually is simple...the worst of circumstances can be dealt with simply and sensitively. If its getting tough one of you is making it complex. Your time will be better spent on playing tennis or those guitar classes you always wanted to do.
5) Avoid guys on whose priority list you appear anything but first...doesnt mean hound the poor fellas into shopping... some activities are just more enjoyable with the girls.
6) Understand making a fool of yourself, usually means spreading laughter...a great karma...so avoid guys who take it seriously.
7) Mostly for women in delhi as hoards available here - avoid guys who are avoidable...life will just get too complicated and not worth it..you could have learnt to play sultans of the swing by now!

Maybe the secret of Life is to Keep it simple and stupid.

Love...Does it exist?

2007-06-06T22:57:00.001+05:30

A tricky topic...written at the risk of my reputation, yet close to my stubborn heart.

I watched a movie long ago called "Before Sunrise" and recently its sequel "Before Sunset". Ethan Hawke and a french woman meet in Italy on a train and spend an evening and a night together and part before sunrise, promising to meet in 6 months. They never did...11 years later they meet by chance in Paris and spend a day together. Two frustrated individuals totally in tune with each other...the french woman had a boyfriend and Ethan had a wife. They never really forgot each other and were in love.

Is this fantasy, an illusion or a reality?

Where does it start? The first glance, the first conversation or the first touch? Is it any of the firsts at all? Being a bit of a dreamer I choose to believe it is. The realization could be later or may never happen...however the rest is only the rest and comes afterwards.

Coming back to real life...do we as individuals know ourselves well enough to realize a good thing when we see it? Are we conditioned by our experiences or our ambiance to ignore it and look for something more conventional, because love my dear friends I don't believe knows any. It is a risky affair...are we scared and so settle for lukewarm security which we are sure will turn cold. Do we dare to dream?

Love, I believe, starts and ends at you yourself. Are you tuned in with yourself..if not you can forget picking up the frequency of another individual. Do we realize at this moment who we are, what we feel...what we believe in and most importantly where is it all coming from....our past experiences, our observations our conditioning or our insecurities? Can we then on realization drop it and know this may not be who we are? Does your lover or husband or boyfriend help you in this process? Do you help him?

Hundreds of people we interact with...do we have the sensitivity of noticing ourselves independently and not in relation to anyone else? Do we have a relationship with ourselves? If we do there is a strong chance that we will be bold enough to meet and know love and the fun and growth in love.

I have observed the time spent with each other is wonderful to begin with...but then it need not be just to begin with, but it often is. What spoils it? Do we realize that often we ourselves kill it. When one is going forward the other takes two steps behind...If we are changing constantly how can one take the other for granted? Isn't it usually because we are ignorant of the fact that we are changing and the other is also. Do we have the insight to see this?

Love is no guarantee for a successful relationship. But then thats a different topic altogether and will be covered in a different post.

As for the existence of it...we all know the answer in our hearts...we are just too scared to question what we have or have chosen to believe we know. A big clue my humble understanding can give is forget the movies, the good and the bad stories around you...forget what everyone around you says...look inside and follow your dreams...walk on the edge of the cliff if that is what it takes...falling off will be painful...but does that really matter?

The negotiator and his learnings

2007-05-30T12:59:00.000+05:30

After experiencing several appraisals, I am constantly amazed how the experience and the after taste of it remains the same year on year, whether you are the appraiser or are being appraised.

Year ZERO ( moved for a high flying role to corporate office )

Boss: This is your comp
Employee: What??? I moved home...how can you do this, how will i eat?
Boss: Its fair
Employee: A US sales role at a peanuts salary.,..you must be joking
Boss: Everyone wanted this role in the company
Employee: Give it to them...this is crazy
Boss: PROVE YOURSELF first
Employee: But isn't that why you shifted me here
Boss: Yes, but we need to show everyone what you can do
Employee: huh..ok..
Boss: he he he

Year 1 ( High flying role turned sour)

Boss: This is your comp for the year
Employee: But..I came here for something else, see whats happened
Boss: we didn't know how it would go, you could've done something else
Employee: what
Boss: you doing very well now...that the roles changed..you have to PROVE YOURSELF
Employee: ok, I am not happy
Boss: hehehe

Year 2 ( Superlative performance, sales role)

Boss: This is what you get this year
Employee: But I took home 50% more last year
Boss: Thats for a superlative performance.,...you did very well, salaries sky rocket in sales over achievement...this year we don't know how you would do in the new role, you asked for the move, we didn't.
Employee: But if i did so well...shouldn't my comp be better this year.
Boss: You got loads of incentive
Employee: What about this year
Boss; PROVE YOURSELF...
Employee: isn't that what i did
Boss: No..past is forgotten..but future is important, lets see what you do tis year
Employee: But what about present now...isn't my comp based on past performance and future expectation
Boss: Yes, but we think we are fair
Employee: (totally flabbergasted) Ok I want a sabbatical for 3 months
Boss: Take one month
Employee: I am sick now, I wanna leave
Boss: ok take 3 months...no comp talk
Employee: Did i hear right?
Boss: we'll tell you what you have to do when you come back.
Employee: hehehe ok

Last year: (changed roles..no clue of whats expected and what should you do year)
Boss: This is what we thought you should get
Employee: but..why...market rate...i expected...
Boss: Yeah but this is what we didnt make ( or did make) from you...
Employee: Made from me? Should I now sell my soul?
Boss: No..just make enough for the company, You got a great role now PROVE YOURSELF
Employee: I give 9 hrs of my life everyday for years now...if you want more...tell me what can I do
Boss: No you are very good..figure it out
Employee: I want 30% more than what you mentioned
Boss: Ok lets keep it at 20% more.
Employee: Ok (hmm...aah...did i agree too soon...huh...did i quote to less)
Boss: hehehe...ok bye

(pls note no talk of training, improving, scope, etc etc etc etc...all that can make the performance better next year)

Commonality in experience: Never happy with comp whether you do well or no...always need to prove yourself whether you do well or no... The boss always gets the last word...The only happy employee took a sabbatical and for once went out of the comp race...

Life has so much more to it than work...somehow can we expand our horizons of thought and reach beyond the immediate life that we lead everyday...have a vision, but keep our eyes on here and now.

The perfect balance -the mind is important to know how here and now is important, see what you are doing...is it value adding to you and people around you
yet..be in touch with your heart and know this may not be what you really are made for..

come away with me

2007-05-26T18:02:00.001+05:30

A lazy afternoon…rain…the perfect day.
A distant dream
A beautiful song
A blank mind and a softened heart

I close my eyes and see my home…I smell the sea breeze
Eggs cooking in the kitchen
Bacon in the oven
Coffee smells so good

A faraway bird struggling against the breeze
Few fisherman boats
The sea is calm…the waves are still

A few guests
Still caught up in last nights discussions
The old authors wise look
The sounds of laughter
The peace of my being

Where have I been all along?

I open my eyes
Life has just beckoned..come away with me to where you really wanna be!

Hitting the nail on the head!

2007-05-09T17:15:00.000+05:30

People think---without knowing---that they know. That is a great danger... A a few books they would have studied, and a few practices they might have made. They might have met a few people here and there, may have met a few saints, too. But then they start thinking they know it all, they have it all. And they start arguing, quoting the scriptures and arguing. Love cannot blossom in such a situation.

The Man in the mirror

2007-05-04T18:15:00.000+05:30

One of the best songs ever written... How often do we look at ourselves in the mirror, how often have we seen the angel and the devil in us. Have we been able to accept both of them?

I have a few theories on peace -

a) The ability to dissociate yourself from a situation, feeling, thought etc.,.works till the time something out of the way comes around and you are back to square one. Its true problems in our lives are never the ones that we constantly worry about..but hit us at 4.00pm one fine day out of the blue...and there goes the peace.

b) The feeling after meditating...when you have been silent for hours...when all your energies are in a uniform flow and coincide with the cosmic energy..yeah I have felt it...till the time you dont have enough time to practice meditation and yet again you are back from where you started.

c) Yeah when things happen your way..you get the promotion or when someone has been very loving towards you..or when you go on that one holiday and stand alongside nature and experience the peace around you....well I think times when you are very happy are the same as times when you are very sad and your activity or the haze in your mind are exactly the same..just two sides of different coins...

Then where will one get long lasting peace which is unfazed by circumstances, environment, people, thoughts and feelings? Does such a thing exist?

I believe if I look at the person in the mirror and at any point of time am able to look her in the eye and said baby you did the best you could, based on the values you know and what you thought is the right thing to do...this will give you peace in moments that you need it the most. The others could just be a little difficult to sustain.

So I am starting with the Man in the mirror
and I am asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you wanna make the world a better place to live
You look at yourself and make a change!!!

Gut or Desire?

2007-04-10T14:23:00.000+05:30

We have all experienced unexplainable miracles in life.

Were you talking about someone and see that precisely then you get a call?
Were you planning to break up with someone and see that he called you just then...E.S.P.N. its like electromagnetic waves which are picked up by two people connected.

I have constantly believed in making decisions based on pure gut in life. There are times when you just know it will work out...be it a job related decision or a personal one..and then there are times when you know it will not, but as you desire it...you pretend that your gut says it will.

Is there a way to know the difference between a desire and a feeling that comes from almost no where? More questions...less answers.

I guess one can safely say that if you want something constantly its a desire, but just when you wake up...a fleeting moment of knowing tells you what will happen. These instincts come from nowhere usually on the stealth mode...but are loud and clear for you to pick up.

The world has crashed around you...are you sure?

2007-03-21T12:58:00.000+05:30

How many times in life have we felt the world has crashed around you?

Be it a great job which you had to leave for reasons beyond your control like a maniac of a boss or a partner you cant have because you or he did not realize the significance of what you shared or that you'll did not stand up against external factors.

But did the world really crash? Did anything untoward happen? If I reflect over the years...all that happened in the past, all the choices that i made or all the choices that were made even if i was not convinced or agreed with them have led me to be in the place that I am right now and be the person that I am. If I am able to look in the mirror and say I am contented with myself and happy the way things are now...there is no reason to even wonder that choices were incorrect. It was just me who didnt have the farsightedness to see what I was going to be.

Then the other question is...should one be averse to let things happen now based on experiences of the past? If we are, arent we affecting the person that we are going to become in the future. So if you dont get the feeling that the world has crashed around you..maybe once a year...is that a indication of the fact that you are preventing yourself from being who you really can be.

It is said pain is a happening, but suffering is a choice. We can feel pain but we need not suffer.

Fragile Relationships

2007-01-22T23:00:00.000+05:30

I once read a great man say radiate who you are. Words only create noise, they dont help in solving any problem or misunderstanding.

Which makes me think, in friendships, relationships with friends, family, loved ones....events good or bad, words said in anger, frustration, love etc are not important. When someone says I love you or I hate you, does it hold any importance? But in a sad moment when a colleague walks up and says...you dont look so good...come lets have coffee..isnt that a moment which is divine?

If i am friends with anyone for years, does an event in our life whether good or bad have the ability to shake that relationship? If it does maybe the premise was wrong or maybe you were wrong...wrong either in action, thought or speech. But is it important?

Do we as humans have the sensitivity and the intelligence to pick up the reason behind a wrong thought, action or speech?

In every event of misunderstanding with my friends and colleagues, I have always questioned if I got it wrong, or was it me, or if someone behaves in a manner not acceptable, what was the cause of that action. Several times I have concluded its my ignorance, and several times its the others. But is ignorance a good enough reason to dislike people?

In the larger spectrum of life..a person is so much bigger than events that have happened or an action that he has performed.

If I look at the universe and compare it with earth...a tiny dust particle in it and then delhi a tiny tiny city on that dust particle and me one of the millions living in it...does an event that has happened to me or anyone hold any significance? Looking it from that angle..the significance is minuscule, yet it becomes the most significant thought in our minds.

If we have been given the ability to comprehend the vastness of the universe...we have also been given the ability to comprehend the insignificance of events and words, yet our mind clings to the smallest thought giving it more importance then required.

I do believe that humans are not their thoughts, their feelings or their body...every human is that little point in himself that doesnt change. That self thats just the same whether you were a child or a grown human being...all people that come into your life, all events that have happened...have happened because you have drawn it. That sub conscious mind that works beyond what the conscious mind can comprehend works in conjunction with the cosmic energy has drawn them in our lives. The most powerful tool that our conscious mind has is sensitivity and rationality.

Till we realise the truth we need to make ourselves so sensitive that we pick up the reason behind someones actions and words and we also need to become rational enough to realise the insignificance of it in the larger picture of the life and the universe and then drop it!

A message

2006-12-14T00:51:00.000+05:30

Words desert me
Silence engulfs me
I sit alone
A fleeting memory

I cant remember
I try hard
Was it a different lifetime?
Or will it be the next?

A crazy world
You were never meant to see
A beautiful life
You were never meant to be

I think you came for me
It was too soon to say
But, life was so powerful
It just took you away

I got a lot of answers
the price you had to pay
If I can for you in any lifetime
I will gladly die just any day

What should you do in life?

2006-11-20T10:24:00.000+05:30

Last night at I saw a movie called vertical limit- Its about mountaineering and expidetions. A brother and sister who survived an accident, but their dad did not. How the two of them went apart after the tragedy, one becomes a national geographic photographer and one still is a climber and how life puts them in a similar situation and forces them to get over the past and start a beautiful present. A beautiful movie, makes me wonder what must one do in life.

I have been trekking at 18000 feet, hence I know what how impossible 26000 is. The ability to survive in 70% less oxygen and climb icy rocks seems like a super human effort. But the fact is that we are capable fo it and thats the power of the mind. The power of the human mind is something that we all just ignore, even when we have seen glimpses of it in our life time and again.

In my last trip to the Himalayas, I met a Nepali who had just moved to ladakh 5 months back. He said in his first trip, he was out of breath all the time, till his 6th...he became an expert. He ran 2 hrs ahead of all of us all the time. Another couple i met really made me wonder what i wanted in life. A brazilian couple come to India to conquer the rocky nubra valley over 5 days with 1 liter of petrol to cook, 5 liters of water to drink and backpacks, in which they were carrying all the equipment they needed in 5 days - tents, blankets, clothes...etc. It took them 6 days, the food was over on day 5..the day 6 was the toughest part, in which they lost their way...the end was just in sight...but there was no way of crossing the river to reach it...so they had to go back and climb two more mountains and then come to where we were.
The absolute tired look and the the feeling of satisfaction, I saw in their face, is something I have seen only a couple of times in my life.

I truly belive that when one is doing something, he should be the best at it or instead of relativity, he should be able to put his best in it. When one puts his absolute best in the work/ activity he does, it automatically becomes inspiring to all.

We go thorugh our lives coming to office at 9.30am and leaving at 7.00pm every day. Have we ever really felt satisfied. I have when some impossible target has been met, but the joy was not something I could share with bosses, as then it was about competition and comparisons, which only promote the rat race, which in the end of a race, whether i win or lose, i am just a rat. I could share the joy with a couple of my team mates as it was never the competitiveness that drove them.

Does competition motivate or does it prevent you from doing your best. At the first level, i think you can motivate through competition, but if you go a level deeper, i think it prevents anyone from giving their best performance. I also think by going a level deeper, you truly get out world class employees and work.

When I look back at any success in my life...one of which was climbing 18000 ft in icy terrain...the feeling of reaching the pass at top...was just about me and the mountains. When I got a 99/100 in mathematics in class X, it was just about me and my dad. Never have i compared my performance with another human, but yes I have constantly strived to prove to myself that I can be better at what i am doing.The feeling at the end of a task always tells me how have I performed.

In life i think its very important to constantly find opportunities of what you think is beyond your potential. The life I lead now, does this exist?. Which brings me back to the question....what should one do in life. Lead a life by the rules...and keep working 9-7 or .....

A Criminal's mind?

2006-11-16T10:30:00.000+05:30

I am forced to wonder what makes people kidnap, rape, kill...

After all the contemplation of Reasonable doubt...yet the fact is that I hear a 3 yr old gets kidnapped for money, gang rape occurs as a norm and ex lovers put acid in their ex's mouth and kill her for revenge.

The human mind and all of its various shades has left me completed dazed.

It says in the Gita that the doer is not who does it, he is just a actor in the play of life who plays his part. If something good is supposed to happen to you acc to your karma, even a bandit will come and do good to you and if something bad is in store, your best friend will do it. So get over the concept of this person has done this and that and look at it as a event.

Is it that simple? Or is this just a way of consoling yourself or is it a way of giving yourself the power to accept all life's happennings I wonder.

That leads you back to the question what is the truth...?

Reasonable doubt

2006-11-07T17:29:00.000+05:30

Being a big fan of "The Practice", I have often wondered about how we can use the concept of reasonable doubt in life!!!!

I think the best practitioner of this is my COO. He always doubts the faults in people and trusts the strengths. What a way of doing work!!! there you have a organisation of not the best, but yes the most motivated group of people who think they are the best..and the company keeps growing.

If all of us would give the verdict of not guilty if there was reasonable doubt in the crime that a person does, wouldent the world be a much better place to live in.

I have often observed that it is so easy to believe that a person doesnt like you...and if he says he does...you keep questioning it...do you really?
If only we doubt the negative and just believe the positive...this would be a different world.

A girl friend last week told me about a guy...who hit on both two women with exactly the same lines...the guy is good friend of mine..and in a second we both agreed that he was a fraud. But the fact is, he could have liked me earlier and now likes her, which is why he used the same lines which worked with women he hit on earlier. Isnt that ok for a guy to do. Yeah he isnt very deep...but it doesnt make him shallow...just non creative.

I remember I used to be like that in school...trust till proven non trust worthy...yes there were tears, there was a lot of short lived pain, but there was more love and fun then I experienced in a long time now.

Is life scattered or does it have a pattern?

2006-11-03T17:10:00.000+05:30

Its funny how you find yourself standing on the edge of the cliff, time and again in life. I do think I can be accused of running from safety. Is that the best way to live, would'nt it just be better following protocol and adhering to what people say you must do. It would certainly be easier.

Being surrounded by people who want to be exactly like a boss, a movie star, or just like the other guy everyone else is looking upto.
Do we really know enuf of anyone to look upto them? Be it Gandhi, Kennedy or even when it comes to hating hitler.

Like they say, alls well when nothing goes wrong...but when things do go wrong...thats when your world crashes dowm. When your car is stolen, the insurance companies and the police are tough to handle, when targets dont happen..the boss and company is tough to handle, when you make a choice from your heart, the world is tough to handle.
Adhering and obedience is such a part of our up bringing that when it comes to being original..it becomes and adverse situation in life, like the ones mentioned earlier.

If you notice, there are patterns that keep repeating in your life..at work, in relationships, friendships,...in two radically different situations..there is a pattern. A professor once told me, if there is a pattern that keeps repeating in your life, there is a lesson you have not learnt, the moment you learn it, the pattern disappears. It stayed with me and i kept looking for the lessons...but i can safely say now that patterns are the law of nature...it will happen.

Lessons..i guess lifes best moments have happened completely unexpectedly, so you need not beat yourself up on learning life's lessons they come to you like the smell of Chanel No. 5 when you are able to locate it in a store in India and try it on!